FEAR [n.h]

20.

Niall's POV.

I woke up, once again, without a clue of when or how I got to my bed in the first place, but as soon as I got up all the memories flashed through my eyes like a movie at full speed, from the moment I left the house to the moment where I came back and panicked about Madison not being on her bed.

After going through all those memories from yesterday and trying not to hit me in the face I walked straight into the shower, trying to let all those crappy sensations leave my body as the water disappeared into the drain. Once I felt like I had enough showering time I wrapped myself in a towel and opened the closet, taking a pair of shorts and a plain white t-shirt.

I took a deep breath after dressing myself up and sat down on the bed, grabbing my phone and sighing when I saw the time, hearing my stomach growl a minute later. I was hungry as hell, but I didn't feel like going downstairs and seeing the boys, especially Louis and Harry after the scene I made last night. 

But well, I didn't have another choice, did I? I was not going to starve myself because I was feeling ashamed.

But of course, as it seemed like the universe loved making fun of me, as soon as I left my room and started walking towards the stairs, my body crashed into Madison's, and out of reflex my hands flew to her hips to keep her from falling, and that was the moment I saw her legs, full of bruises almost everywhere. Bruises that were my fault.

I noticed my body going numb like I wasn't in control of it, and I stood there with my eyes glued to her legs, my chest rising at a quick pace and the voices in my head saying things I didn't need to hear right now.

"Guys, everything okay?" Liam said from behind us, making me come back to reality.

I took my hands from her hips and turned around without saying anything, going back into my room without even noticing it.

I felt like a fucking monster, like I was going crazy. 

The last thing I wanted to do was hurt her, I swear. But of course, once again, the freaking voices In my head won the battle, leaving me as soon as they were done to face all the consequences.

Of course, I didn't blame the voices for my actions, they were a part of me even though I didn't like it, but fuck I tried to control them, to step away.

The door snapped open, making me look at it while I prayed that it wasn't Madison, and when I saw Louis I thanked God or whoever.

"Hey, we are ordering McDonald's, do you want something?" He asked from the door frame, not coming into the room.

"Yeah, I want what I always get." I told him.

"The Big Mac, right?" He said, and I nodded. "Cool, it'll be here in thirty minutes or so."

Louis left and closed the door without saying anything else, and as soon as I was alone again, I started walking around the room, cleaning and organizing everything that came across my sight until I heard the bell ring and the typical McDonald's smell filling the house.

I looked around at the room and noticed that I had cleaned everything without even being aware of it, grabbing my phone and going downstairs and into the living room, as I heard sounds coming from the room.

As soon as I walked in, I saw the boys sitting on the couches, and Madison was there too. She was sitting between Louis and Harry with a pack of fries in her right hand and his eyes glued to the TV.

"Did you guys order my food?" I said from the door, and Madison, as soon as I talked, turned her head and looked at me without even blinking.

"Yeah, your stuff is in the kitchen, we didn't know if you were going to join us or not." Liam said without taking his eyes from the screen.