FEAR [n.h]

21.

Niall's POV.

After spending another hour or so talking with Louis and Harry, once the sun started to set, both of them decided to go to their rooms to rest, and as I wasn't tired at all I chose to go into the office and answer some of the more urgent emails, and I ended up staying in there for almost two hours, enjoying the silence that was currently filling the house.

The things with Jason and mafia-related had been really calm and quiet lately, and to be honest I didn't really know if that was a good thing or if we had to be prepared in case he tried something really bad, really soon.

"I gotta get out of here and eat something..." I mumbled to myself as I heard my stomach growl for the fifth time.

I grabbed my phone from the desk and got up, walking towards the door and switching the light off as I stepped out of the room. As soon as I stepped into the living room, I felt my heart skip a beat because well, Madison was the only one left there, and she was awake, sitting on the couch and scrolling through her phone.

I wanted to talk to her, to apologize to her, and this was a perfect time. The boys were all asleep or doing whatever upstairs, and we were alone in the living room, so it was now or never.

"Do you need something?" She suddenly said without taking his eyes from her phone, sounding pissed as she had probably noticed that I had been staring at her for a few minutes now.

"Um, no, well, um," I started talking as I scratched the back of my neck with my right hand. "Actually yeah, I wanted to tell you I'm sorry."

"Well, it's about damn time then, go on." She said, locking her phone and looking at me.

"I wanted to talk to you when I arrived the other night, but Louis and Harry stopped me." I said as I walked to the couch, sitting by her side.

"I assume you were probably drunk or high?"

"Yeah, I was pretty wasted," I said, to what she nodded. "But now I'm completely sober, and I really want to apologize and try to explain why I acted like-"

"A monster? A psycho?" She said, cutting me off.

"Yeah, like that, so please just listen to me for a minute, okay?" I asked, and she nodded again with her eyes glued to mine. "I'm sorry, Madison, I really am. I don't even know where to start. I'm sorry about the way I treated you, the way I reacted, I'm-I'm sorry about putting my hands on you and hurting you, I wasn't myself, I-I wasn't in control of myself, something took over me-"

"Yeah Niall, I know something took over you, it has happened before, your eyes turn kind of black, your whole expression changes... Is-is just, I don't know, you disappear and you let that dark side or whatever take control."

"I know, Madison, I know that, and I know it's not an excuse, not at all, but I really don't know how to control it, I'm going to look for help when things are better with Jason and all that shit, but that doesn't take away what I put you through and it's not an excuse for my behaviour either."

"Can I talk now?" She asked me a few seconds after I finished my speech, and I nodded in response, swallowing as I didn't know how she was going to react.

"I'm glad you are willing to face this and look for help Niall, and I know you are sorry, I'm sorry too because I know you are in pain and that's why you act like that and I worry and care about you, but I have to care about myself too, I have to put my well-being and myself first." She started explaining. "But that does not mean I want you to act like I'm going to pass out every time you come close to me, I don't want or need you to stay away from me, we are stuck with each other after all right now, and as I told you before I care about you too, but please, if a situation like that one is about to happen, while you still have control or whatever just tell me, warn me so I can get away before it's too late, so I can save both of us the drama and the trouble of going through all of this again because really Niall if something like that happens again I'm done, even if it scares me what could happen to you if my father hears... I'm choosing me. I have to choose me."