FEAR [n.h]

25.

Niall's POV.

As soon as the food was set on the table, all of us sat in the living room and ate together, only the sounds of the TV show about vampires Harry, and now Maddie were watching filled the room, as well as some talking between the boys about how tired they were. As I ate in silence, lost in the many thoughts I had rumbling in my head, I couldn't help to glance over to Maddie, who was glued to the screen when she wasn't laughing with the boys.

We kissed. She kissed me. Then I kissed her. I don't kiss. Not anymore.

And then she asked me to stay and sleep with her because she felt safe. She felt safe when I was near her, she somehow felt protected by me, and, being the idiot that I am, I made her a promise I damn well know I can't keep: that she would always be safe with me around. The memory of me saying that to her face, sounding so sure of myself, made me want to vomit. It made me feel like I couldn't breathe, like I was going to pass out at any given moment, given that, the last time I said that to someone else, to her, I didn't keep that promise. That promise was ripped from my hands and the only thing I could do was watch.

And now, I made that promise once again, and I hated myself for it.

"Earth to Niall," I heard Maddie say, which made me leave my head and come back to earth, you could say, looking around confused as we were alone in the living room, no sight of the boys anywhere. How long had I been stuck in my mind? "Hey," she spoke again, and I looked at her, "You there?"

"Yeah, um", I said as I scratched my head, "Where did they go?"

"They helped Harry upstairs so he could sleep, Louis went to bed too," she explained, not taking her eyes off mine, "Liam and Zayn are in the office, they are taking the first turn, they said you should sleep now too."

"Yeah, I, um, yeah," I said, taking my eyes off hers.

I couldn't bear to look at her, all the memories from yesterday rushing back to me. Her hands on me, her lips, god her lips, her eyes just before I kissed her, her trembling voice when she asked me to stay with her, her heavy breath when she fell asleep clinging to me like I was going to disappear any minute. I couldn't bear to think about it all for over a moment, because it hurt. It hurt knowing that, even though repeating what happened yesterday was what I wanted, even if I just wanted to sit next to her on the couch and hold her until she fell asleep again, I couldn't do it.

I couldn't do that to her. I couldn't do the same again, not to her, not to anyone. And by not doing so, I knew how I needed to act, who I needed to become once again, unless this time, I was going to have to fake it, and it hurt.

It hurt me so much knowing that I was going to have to hurt her so that I could keep her safe.

Madison's POV.

"You sure you are okay?" I asked him once more as I stared at him, who was staring at the floor in complete silence.

"Yes," he instantly said, getting up from the couch. "Good night."

"Yeah," I said quickly, getting on my feet and making him stop his wait to the stairs, "I'm going to sleep too."

"Good," he said without turning back to look at me. "Good night, then." I frowned.

"You are not okay," I almost whispered, and he sighed, "You know you can talk to me if you want or-" he snapped his head back, looking at me with a serious look on his face, his eyes getting darker as he turned around to face me, not moving from the door.

"Let it go," he said, "You kissed me, you were nervous and I had to think fast of a way to make sure you would be quiet and I know you are attracted to me, so yes, I kissed you back, I let you kiss me, and yes, I slept with you so I could watch over you, because that's my job," He almost spat, a cold tone in his voice as he spoke without taking his eyes off me. "But that's it, it's not going to happen again, ever," I could feel my eyes watering as I looked at him, not being able to recognize him once again, "I'll keep protecting you because it's my job, not because I care about you, so stop acting like you care about me or that you even know me, because that's not true."