Wallflower || NH

01

There is always a negative in a positive. For example, our positive could be to relax, reading a good novel by your favorite author while listening to a piano solo by Beethoven. But the negative would be that you're alone. You're there, alone with a book on your lap while listening to music. Maybe you went through a brake up and you just want to forget about it, or your best friend slowly drifted away from you. It's still a negative.

Nobody likes to be alone. We can shout the words to the sky, and mean it, but we actually don't. We may want to be alone in our room, just eating all the junk food we can while watching a sad movie that someone may end up dying in the end, but we don't actually enjoy it.

We all want someone to be there to pick us up when we fall, or when we have too many negatives in a positive. We always want a shoulder to cry on, or a body to hug with. We all want love, but we don't get it all the time. We all want that someone that will save us when we're drowning in a sea of tears, but they may end up dying with us.

We can't have it all, and we never will. But as long as I'm still breathing, I will continue living.

Or so I thought that was true.

Katrina's POV
"Kat you're gonna be late!" My dad shouts from down stairs. I remove my headphones from my ears and I put them around my neck.

"I'll be down in a sec!" I shout back. I'm really close to my dad, but it was never like that before. You see, my mom disappeared when I was only fifteen. One day she was just cleaning the house like always, and the next she was gone. She just vanished, not literally, but I think about it that way, because I don't like the thoughts that come up in my mind when I think of her just disappearing.

Somedays she would work so hard, that by the time it was dinner time she would just heat up some Tv dinner in the microwave.

I never saw my mom again, and eventually we did find her, but she was dead. She had done suicide to herself.

And even though I never got to see her again before she died, she still remains an absence in my life. I feel like I might see her again, maybe turn to look at the person in the car next to me in a stop light, and there she'll be. And she would get out of the car, and hug me like in those cheesy movies when two people haven't seen each other in a while. And she would hold me tight, and whisper those words that always kept me alive, "I'm here Kat. I'm here."

I slide my headphones back on my ear before making my way down the stairs.

"Bye dad." I say before opening the front door.

"Bye sweetie." I catch him say before I closed the door behind me when I got out.

I walk down the street, stepping on the autumn leaves that have fallen from the trees. The colors blending in with one another, making a pattern on the concrete street floor.

I raise up the volume on my music, blasting a song called To build a home by the Cinematic Orchestra in my headphones. I close my eyes once in a while so I can feel the music instead of just hearing it.

My mother always used to listen to this song before dropping me off in school. She would kiss me on the forehead, leaving a red lip stick stain, and I would immediately rub it off before entering the front doors off school. But now that doesn't happen anymore. Now I don't have a mother to remove her lipstick stain from my forehead. Those were moments that I thought to myself were embarrassing, but they would be the small things you would miss the most.

My mother was a type of person that you think have so much positive in their life, when actually they have few of it. She suffered of depression. I tried to save her from her sea of tears, but when I reached my hand out for her to grab, it just went through mine. She was then gone.

And I'm mad at her. How could she have left me? She left her life behind just so she could get rid of it at the end. She left a daughter; something she created behind, and in a young age.

I never understood my mom, and I never will. Because now she's in a different world, a different universe that human kind only get to reach when it is all over. And I will reach that place one day, but not now.

I imagine my death to be a happy day. I would get up, dress up in a outfit that isn't black like I normally wear, and off I'll go to school or my job. It will be a normal day. I will then get home, lay down on my bed and close my eyes. And then it will begin I would see a white light and my body will be left behind, while my soul makes its way out, and goes to a journey it has never been in before. I will be in the hands of something else. Maybe I will go to this place called Heaven, or maybe I would go the other way. Who knows?

But something that I didn't know about my death was that it happened sooner then I had expected.
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First chapter!!!!
Comment on what you think pls!
Do you think I should continue?
Love you!!! ❤️❤️
-WaleskaRomo