Wallflower || NH

12

Katrine's POV

"Maybe because the only thing I care about is you." Niall's words come out soft, more of a whisper like if she didn't want me to hear.

I know he's just playing with my feelings. He's just trying to get in me, trying to brainwash me with fake smiles and words.

But it won't work.

"Stop it Niall! I'm tired of your lies!" My words mean nothing to him, as he just continues to drink his beer like if he were to be alone, not needing to worry about anything.

I hate Niall, and I know that word is too strong, but it's true. I never felt hate towards anyone before, not even for the thoughts that pop in my head about my mother leaving me. So for me to feel this feeling in me of boiling anger and hate towards someone, then that means I truly mean it.

I don't think I'll ever forgive Niall for lying, making fun of, and almost raping me. Part of me I feel like I will, but deep down I know I won't. Just like I won't forgive my mother.

Because once someone hurts me in a point where I have negative feelings towards them, I don't think that can be replaced with happiness.

"They're not lies," he defends. "I know I hurt you, and I kinda still want to, but I know I shouldn't, and I won't. I know I'm a sick person, filled with stupidity and idiotic shit in my head, but nobody's perfect. Which means I will fuck up, and I will throw a bomb to all my problems." His eyes stare deeply into mine, filled with a solid wall of a deep blue shade behind them.

Niall is an expert at manipulating others' feelings and emotions. He knows how to mirror them when standing in front of them. If someone's happy then he'll be happy, if someone is mad then he'll be mad. There's no telling how he really feels unless you catch him in role, playing as a mirror back at him.

"I just wish you would be real with me. I wish it will all go back to us being friends like back then." I smile at the memories that flow in my mind. "The way we could talk to each other, and tell no lies, and keep no secrets..... I miss the old Niall."

Right now anything could happen. I could just get up and leave, stay and talk, or pour out my eyes. I feel like leaving because I don't want to deal with him, I also want to stay to fix up things, and cry because this is too much, and I'm really sensitive.

"I can't," he says, finishing the last bit of beer at the bottom of the bottle. "I just can't." He looks away, maybe not wanting me to look at him in the eyes.

I don't know if he's being real right now, but I have a feeling like he is. Maybe I'm falling in his tricks again, but who wouldn't? Who wouldn't fall for the words that come out of Niall Horan's mouth?

"Why not-"

"I just can't Kat. I can't be that guy from before. You won't understand now, or ever, but I do have a reason."

"Then what is it?"

He stands up, standing a bit higher than me. His posture gets straighter as he exhales a deep breath. A mixture of sweet cologne, cigarette, and alcohol all combine into one, and enter my nostrils, making my face shrink a little by the smell.

"I can't." He shoves his hands in his front jean pockets before turning to his heels, walking away.

I want to go after him, demand him to give me a proper answer which I deserve, but part of me wants to stay here; not wanting to deal with the problem.

But run away from it.

• • •

After Niall left I stayed for a bit, just inhaling the smell of moist wood, and pine trees. It's a smell I grew to love, a smell that has been around me since I was little. The air around me starts to get cooler, and the sky gets darker. I stand up and I start to walk home. This is relaxing. I love to be alone after a heavy day.

Most people get their energy and inspiration by being in a presence of a group of people, but I'm the total opposite. I get my energy and inspiration by being alone, by listening to my own thoughts and feelings instead of listening to others.

It may sound rude but I don't like to listening to others yap about how their soulmate has broken their heart, or how their best friend left them for others. So how I don't hang out with others, I have always kept my feelings inside, captive in my heart while being protected by my rib cage.

I walked down the street, not caring if it rains because it won't hurt, in the other hand I actually want it to start raining. I want to dance in the rain like in those cheesy movies you see about romance.

Usually it rains in the scene when two love birds have went their separate ways after having a huge fight with each other.

That's how I feel; I feel like I just got in a huge fight with the love of my life, when really it was with the person whom has let me down multiple times.

I decide to take a shortcut home, since it looks like the sky will be accompanied with heavy thunder and rain.

The shortcuts leads to a small dark street in between two huge buildings. Not many people walk by here- actually nobody walks by here- but it's the fastest way home. So I ignore the sound of faded police sirens and street lights twitching and I continue to walk.

I start to hear footsteps, walking ruffly from behind me. I start to walk a little faster as my heart begins to neat faster.

Run. Run!

All of a sudden I hear a gun being loaded, and right when I was about to run, the person stops me.

"Don't you dare or I'll shoot."
________________________

Hey! Well I've been really tired lately from school and from going in and out the hospital.

So I hope this was a good chapter, even though it was shitty.

Summer break is almost here, just three more weeks before its over 😄

So when it is I'll be updating A LOT

Please comment and vote :)
Love you xx
-WaleskaRomo