for, lover (Completed; editing)

Chapter 46

"Pizza or hamburgers?"

I throw my head back and laugh, hearing it echo out to the rest of the apartment.  "These either-or questions are getting ridiculous."

"Answer the question! It's important." Tony urges.

"Pizza, a hundred percent. Hamburgers taste bland and you can only add so much to it. With pizza, even plain is amazing but you can add literally anything to it and it would still be amazing."

"Those Italians sure know what they're doing."

I can't hide the continuous smiles breaking through the deeper we get into conversation. We've been talking for over an hour even after I said it was time for me to go to sleep.

"Your turn." He says.

I think for a minute. This game has only been going on for a few minutes and I'm already running out of options of things to choose from. "Books or movies?" 

"Ah, see that's a trick question. Usually a person would likely choose books to make them seem smarter but everyone knows movies are just more appealing. We're obsessed with the movement and being able to actually watch things unravel." 

I chuckle. "So you haven't read a ton of books?" 

"No, I have. Most of them were in high school and college but I've always enjoyed mindlessly staring at a screen. It sucks that it's less brain power but I can't help that it is much more engaging."

"You must have not read the right kind of books then. If it's good enough, it will have that same effect on you except you not only get that weird ability to imagine all of it happening, you get way more in depth with characters and feelings that it almost feels too real." 

Tony lightly taps on the edges of the bottle of beer I gave him when we came inside. "What book made you feel that way?" 

"Harry Potter." I beam. 

He laughs. "You're seriously giving me this thorough explanation of how mind-blowing books are that you became opinionated of because of a children's book?"

"The Harry Potter series is for all ages! It's a billion dollar franchise and is only getting bigger!" I argue.

"I thought you were about to con me into reading some classic novel like Othello or something."

"Broadening your horizon is not a con, Tony. You should read that one too. It's a play, by the way." 

"I know that." he chuckles. "I'll consider it. Beach or mountains?"

"Easy, beach." I answer with no hesitation.

More memories try to push their way through, only to attempt ruining my night when I haven't thought about them almost all day. I take another sip of my beer. "Action or comedy, Mr. movie lover?" 

Tony smiles smugly. "I'm not big on action. I'll always pick funny movies over that."

"I can see that." 

"I feel like you're right about these questions. I'm not getting enough here." 

"Do we need to go more into depth? Are you getting bored?" I dig. 

"Not at all. I'm just more interested in learning about your outlook on life or what you see yourself doing." 

"Why are we doing ice breakers if we've known each other for almost a year?"

Tony leans over, placing the empty bottle on the coffee table. We're each sitting on our own separate couch cushion. I made sure we were kept at a somewhat fair distance since I almost kicked him out but he's been too nice and comforting.

"This isn't really an ice breaker. I just like talking to you." 

My lips part slightly. I keep my chin angled down. "I just don't get it." I whisper.

"Don't get what?"

You. This. What we're doing. What I'm doing. None of it makes any sense. 

"You said that you didn't want to be just friends but you're also relentless in keeping me in your life. Which one is it?"

"I told you I'd wait if I had to. I know that's not what you want. I'm not trying to push, I swear."

It feels like pushing. It's hard to want to back off when he's helpful and authentically nice. I need these kind of people in my life without feeling guilty that I'm taking advantage of someone.

"It's weird." I blurt. "I've literally been pushing you away and have been completely honest about what I want, but you keep showing back up."

"I like you."

"I know that, Tony. You've made that very clear. I can't commit to anything right now. I'm not in the right headspace for it. I've already told you this."

"Bree, we're just talking. I've kept my distance and gave you your space. I haven't asked you questions that were too personal or tried to make a move. I just wanted to talk tonight. From the looks of it, you haven't really gotten to do that recently so I thought it could help."

I didn't think I needed to. I was close to booking an appointment with my old therapist but I figured it would look strange for me to do that since college and the fact that I haven't been in so long. 

I try to talk to Maddy occasionally but she's only been focused on things in her life or has been lip-locked with Ben nonstop. She's enjoying herself, I get it. I've never wanted to be the best friend that drops my dramatic baggage down to whoever will help me carry it. 

"That's sweet. I think once I get back to work that I'll feel better. Being stuck at home all week started taking a turn for the worse when it got too quiet and I started thinking again."

"What have you been thinking about that's made you feel bad?"

This wouldn't be a terrible time to tell him about the Tennessee and Miles situation. We're both a little tipsy and I've almost rambled about it a few times since we got here but had to stop myself from bringing it up. I don't think I want to talk about it on my birthday. It can wait.

"The same old stuff. Family, friends, exes, careers, etc." 

"Yeah, it feels like we're at the age now where nothing is going as planned and we are kind of just here for the ride." He half-smiles. "I've enjoyed my recent company though."

That feeling in my gut again. Is it butterflies or guilt?

"You're not so bad either." I laugh. "But yeah, I'm blaming the age too. Everyone is on opposite spectrums. I've got a few friends getting engaged, having kids, and working 9-5 jobs. Then there's me and Maddy still working towards getting regular, stable jobs. Then there's a few friends of ours who have zero drive to do anything and still live at home with their parents. I've given up at looking to any of them for life advice. None of us know what we're doing." 

"Your friend seems like she's got her shit together."

"She does, surprisingly. It's the first time ever. I'm jealous."