for, lover (Completed; editing)

Epilogue

This is the last box, I hope. My arms will give out if I have to carry anymore.

I take one last glance around the yard before I head back inside where Maddy and Ben are steadily unpacking. Lily's in the corner of the unfurnished living room, not a care in the world, watching cartoons on the floor.

"Was that everything?" Maddy asks.

"Yep, this is the last one. Where do you want it?"

I look around for the label but she never wrote anything on there to identify the contents.

"You can put that one on the bed." She smiles. "Thanks for your help, by the way."

"Duh. What else am I good for?"

She laughs, acknowledging my self jab but not caring nonetheless.

I take the box down the hall to the master bedroom and put it on the edge of the comforter. Maddy walks in a few seconds later, cracking the door behind her.

"Is this anything important? There's no label on it."

"Yeah." She responds and undoes the small layer of tape that was holding it together.

"Oh boy, the memories." I smile as she pulls out a few photo frames and old remnants of our childhood. Some things I'm surprised she actually kept like the mini notebook we used to write notes to each other in during class in middle school.

I flip through a few of them, stopping at one of the pages and scanning over the words scribbled on the page.

"Selena's handwriting was always better than ours." Maddy sighs.

"Right? So unfair." We both smile.

I take my thumb and run it over the page, pulling up a little bit of the pencil graphite on my skin. I frown and set the notebook back in the box after I slide the small slip of paper from my jacket pocket neatly in the side.

Maddy notices my mood change, as always. "You okay?"

"Yeah, I just don't want to mess it up."

She pats my back. "Girl, I've beaten myself up numerous times from ruining sentimental stuff. We still got the memories."

I laugh. "For now! Until we're old."

"Then write them down if they mean that much to you."

"Maybe I will." I nudge her shoulder and walk towards the door.

"Thought about what you're going to do with that $50,000?" She asks.

I slide my hands in my pockets and face her. "I think so. Took a lot of self reflection though."

She chuckles. "Okay, good. Drive back safe. Love ya."

I blow her a kiss and say goodbye to Ben and Lily on my way out.

Self reflecting car rides would be beneficial if it weren't for the past few weeks of overthinking I had already done. I guess there's no such thing as too much self reflection but if anyone would be pushing the limit, it's me.

I've spent the few years out of college pressuring myself for whatever is next. Whether that would be my career, relationships, or education. Then other complications forced their way into the middle of that and I knew I wouldn't have this figured out for awhile, which was devastating. The one thing I couldn't put together was why I even felt devastated in the first place.

All of the pressure to start young and be someone clouded my outlook on life and youth that I really wasn't living for myself anymore; I was living for something else. Something that wouldn't comfort me when I had a bad day or that wouldn't steer me in the other direction when I made the wrong decision. Something that wasn't beneficial to me at all.

Then acting out to fix past events I had no control of, that's what really did it in for me. I pushed myself so hard to find a sense of purpose thinking it was going to be figuring out or avenging Selena's death, dealing with emotions when I had no care or drive to learn Psychology at all, and trying to adapt to change because we're taught it's what we are supposed to do instead of just enjoying things how they are.

Then there's the pressure of love. Moving onto the next best thing as soon as one doesn't work out and not thinking how it would effect others when it doesn't go your way. There's also the array of guilt and refusing to accept someone as they are or making things work when mistakes happen. Mistakes do happen, habits do too and it's an important differentiation.

It's nobodies business what path you're on.
It's nobodies business how long it takes you to get there.
We're all here and doing our best, learning as we go no matter how old we get so why the hell do we feel so pressured all the time?

Deep breath.
Even though no one actually hears me, I'm glad I got that out.
I'll be even gladder when Maddy goes through her things and finds the check I left for her. I really don't need all that money, like I said before. I may feel pressure to do a lot of things but I'm on my own path right now and I'm perfectly content with how I'm running it.

Directions are set for home. I've got two hours until I arrive and thirty minutes after that to get ready for my date. Probably less than that because Miles is always early.

Guess we'll see how this goes. No pressure.

The End.
(Thank you for reading, would love some feedback and I'm going back to edit ASAP. New series coming soon!)