for, lover (Completed; editing)

Chapter 36

"Give me a call when you're ready to talk and we can do that." Tony tells me and leaves.

When I get back to the apartment, I fall right into the couch and bury my face into one of the decorative pillows my mom had brought for us.

I start crying. It's the first time in awhile that I've cried this hard. It isn't the first time I've felt this completely lost with what I'm doing with my life. My repressed feelings are starting to surface all at once again and it's overwhelming me. I really wish Maddy would come home already.

I force myself to get up off the couch and walk to the bathroom. A hot shower usually does the trick when I feel like this.

I turn on the water and wait for it to heat up. When I pull off my shirt, my eyes immediately go down to the slowly healing wound on my lower hip. It doesn't look too bad and could definitely be a badass thing to tell a person about yourself.

"What's that scar?"
"Oh, you know, my healed badass bullet wound."

That would only cause questions and a long overdue explanation I would owe to anyone I feel is important enough to share. I would have to do that for anyone else I decide to be intimate with or even just going out to the beach in a bikini.

I don't mind the scars or how it happened but I will mind when I have to explain how I ended up getting shot in a Tennessee hotel by my ex boyfriend's childhood friend because he was helping his drug dealer. Then again, I don't owe shit to anyone who asks me about it. I could easily lie and say it was from when I was a kid which wouldn't be nearly as cool. I would look less like a bad ass, but if someone actually takes the time to get to know me, they'll see I'm far from being one anyway.

I spend way too long in the shower, enjoying the steam and sound of the water hitting the tile. My phone starts ringing as soon as I step out and wrap a towel around myself to dry. I snatch it from the bathroom counter and turn off the fan.

"Hello?"

"Heyy bestie, just checking on you." Maddy shouts through the speaker.

She sounds drunk.

"I'm doing okay. When are you coming home?"

"Wellll I'm probably going to stay at Ben's tonight. I've had a few drinks and I shouldn't be driving. You'll be okay though, right?"

I sigh under my breath and pivot the phone between my shoulder blade and ear so I can look for something to wear while we're talking.

"I guess I don't really have a choice, I was just kind of hoping we'd still have that funny movie night or something like we had talked about doing. I've had...quite a day."

"You should come out with us! Maybe you just need to dance it off."

Drinking and dancing is the last thing I want to do. Being the single friend is starting to suck.

"No, you guys have fun. I'll just find something on Netflix. See you tomorrow."

I hang up abruptly and toss my phone on the bed. It ends up bouncing right off the mattress and flops down onto the floor. Thankfully I had a rug there or it would've been a goner.

I slide on some old gym shorts from high school and one of my overnight tank tops. I really didn't want to be alone just yet but I guess I'm going to need to get over it since Maddy's going to be up Ben's ass all night. How can she be tender and sweet one minute and then the next she doesn't even care about movie night?

I get comfortable on the couch, laying in my Snuggie watching some newly added kids movie I've probably seen a dozen times. I wound up falling asleep well before 8 p.m. and starting dreaming almost immediately.

I'm in the club downtown. I've been here on numerous occasions and I know it like the back of my hand by now. The building is easily at max capacity. I'm dancing to a song I can barely make out. I must know it pretty well from how into it I am.

Two hands wrap around my waist and turn me around. Miles flashed me a grin and starts dancing with me. I throw my arms around his neck as he pulls me against him. He leans down to whisper something in my ear.

"I can't hear you!" I shout but I think the music drowns out what I'm trying to say.

His bewildered eyes lock on mine. He grabs me tighter by my waist and pushes me forcefully away from him. I stumble backwards, falling onto the hardwood floor. Tears well up in my eyes and I lift my head to look at him but he's not standing there anymore.

I quickly push myself up to my feet and force my way through a crowd of people screaming his name.

"MILES!" I yell as loud as my lungs will allow but even I can't hear my own voice.

Maddy appears in front of me. I definitely didn't see her here a second ago.

"Bree, he isn't coming back. You told him not to." She tells me.

"What?" I whisper.

She smiles at me and nudges my shoulder with her palm.

"Move onto bigger and better things, silly. That's what you wanted, right?" She asks.

"Well, yeah...but I-"

"You made up your mind. Look at the monster he is."

I shake my head. I'm lucid dreaming again.

"He isn't a monster. This isn't even real. This is only what my subconscious is making him out to be."

Maddy cackles and spins me around. I make a 180 and turn back to her but instead am greeted by a different face.

"You're here too?" I ask.

Tony smiles and scans past my head to observe the room. Suddenly all the music stops. Finally, I can hear better.

"You dreamt me here. There was probably a reason for that." He says.

"I don't really know why. I guess I didn't exactly get good closure from our conversation earlier."

Tony's eyes move past me again and widen. I whip my head around to see Miles once again, this time with a fiery look in his eyes.

"You feel guilty about not giving him closure when you did what you did to me?"

I stare at him. I'm not sure what to say. I know I'm dreaming so I thought I'd be able to change it like I usually am able to do but nothing happens when I try. I'm stuck to act this out until it's over.

"Miles...that was our closure. I told you the truth. I told you how I felt."

"Did you? Or did you tell me what you thought you should feel?"

I roll my eyes and push at his chest gently.

"Just get away from me. You pushed me. You hurt me."

"You made me hurt you." He argues.

"What? Why the fuck would I want you to hurt me?"

"So it would be easier for you to let go, but you know damn well you can't do that."

My eyes snap open. I shakily wipe the sweat from my forehead and look around frantically for my phone. As soon as it's in my hands, the doorbell rings.