for, lover (Completed; editing)

Chspter 81

"Thanks for assisting my intoxicated ass, but I think you should go."

I nod towards the front door and look back at him. His eyes find the exit for a second, meeting back to mine before falling to the floor.

"Is that what you really want? I was hoping you would at least try to understand me and hear me out, y'know?"

"Miles..." I sigh. "This isn't going to be fixed over night."

"Then let me fix it with time. Let me be everything you need from a guy. I can do it if you give me another chance."

He's almost pleading without being on his knees in front of me. My chest aches watching him act this way, knowing it's my fault that he feels he has to do this. I hate even more that I'm enjoying the fact he does.

"It's a lot to think about." I admit. "I just have a lot going on still trying to run the store and...I was going to go back to school for my Master's."

His eyebrows shoot up as a huge grin spreads across his face. "I didn't know you were planning on going back to school. That's great! What are you going for?"

"Miles." I sigh.

He looks down. "I'm sorry. I know I'm doing it again. I just genuinely care about you and what you're up to. It  sucks not knowing."

"We'll talk later, okay? I've got a lot to get done around the apartment and I work early tomorrow."

He brings the tip of his tongue between his teeth, drawing in a sharp breath of acceptance. "Alright, well I hope that you feel better. Hangovers are no joke."

He walks to the front door and glances back at me. "It was good seeing you. You look great."

Now I know he's lying. I don't think I could look any worse.

"Bye Miles." I smile slightly and watch him leave.

As soon as I hear his car leave the parking lot, I snatch my phone up and call Maddy. She answers after a few rings.

"You're lucky I'm on my break. What's up?"

"Before I even tell you what happened, can you promise me that I'm being stupid and need to stop questioning my feelings so much?" I beg.

"I'm gonna need more context. Besides, that's like your signature trait. If you're doing anything but that, then I'd be worried."

I laugh under my breath and sit down on the couch. "I got super drunk last night and Vanessa was going to call you to get me a ride but I told her not to. She ignored me and tried to call you anyway, except she accidentally called Miles."

"Oh no." She gasps.

"Yeah, I literally haven't heard from him since March after his friend got killed in that drug bust."

"Oh my God! So then what happened?"

"Well, I blacked out and woke up back in my apartment. He was here all night keeping an eye on me. He had me set up in the bathroom and was there when I woke up to get me water and whatever else I needed..." I trail off.

"Okay, what else?" Maddy nags.

"I don't know...we talked for a little bit and he went on again about how he really wants to redeem himself for all the shit I got put through and he said he felt bad for how me and Tony ended."

"Bree, no. Do not do that to yourself. You haven't even had time to get over Tony. You can't be jumping right back in it with your ex boyfriend who you worked so damn hard to get over."

"That's...that's the thing though, Mads. I don't think I ever was over it."

Hearing myself say it out loud makes my skin crawl. I'm so pissed off knowing I put myself in a whole new relationship with someone who genuinely cared for me while I was still hung up on a guy that left me. Tony didn't deserve that.

"Think about what you just said." Maddy warns me.

"I know, I know. I'm not going to rush back into it but he keeps saying he wants to try again and I honestly don't have a good enough reason not to, you know?"

Maddy laughs. "No, I don't know. I know Miles surpassed the accused murderer title but he's still kind of sketchy even more so now that his friend is suddenly dead and the other is in prison? You're not suspicious of that at all?"

"He didn't do anything, Maddy."

He only set them up. They did it themselves.
I have to keep telling myself that to avoid throwing up from the guilt. I thought Selena being avenged would be enough.

"I'm just saying! Your boy is flaky. You weren't even together that long."

"Mmm, this is coming from you." I tease.

"Bitch, my break is over. We'll talk about this tomorrow or something. Don't do anything stupid in the meantime. Love you!" She hangs up.

I sigh and toss my phone on the couch cushion next to me, staring off into space.

I wouldn't be in this position if I would've successfully kept my distance like I was planning on doing for the remainder of my life. Granted, it's known that distance makes the heart grow fonder, but how can I still love someone like that when I was confessing my feelings to another guy?

A distraction.

It's what everyone warned me about when it ended. I even warned myself here and there about stupid rebounds. I was just so confident that it wasn't like that with Tony but the more that I look into our relationship, the more I realize I wasn't actually interested at all. I blamed it on me being a shitty girlfriend, which is not something I'm denying but only clarifying that it was because of my lack of interest. It doesn't make me any better of a girlfriend as well as just showing how effortlessly heartless I can be.