for, lover (Completed; editing)

Chapter 33

"Have you eaten today?"

It's the first question I could think of asking to get a conversation started. It wasn't much but it will have to do for now.

"Yeah, I snagged a cafeteria muffin on the way up here." Miles answers with a flick of his tongue.

He slouches and stuffs his hands in his jean pockets. He looks stressed about something. Even more than the reason that I'm in here. I don't want to be pushy with him so I'm hoping he'll spill and I won't have to ask any invasive questions.

"I'm an idiot." He breathes, catching me off guard.

I push myself up to a higher sitting position and shake my head.

"That is not true." I tell him.

"No, it is. I'm a fucking idiot and all of this could've been avoided if I wasn't so oblivious of my friends."

I clench my jaw and keep staring at him. Is this the part where he spills what he's holding back? I thought we were finished with the secrets.

He closes his eyes, breathing out slowly through his nose.

"He admitted to it. He told me he did it." He whispers.

I keep staring at him. I don't know what to say. If he's admitting what I think he is, then I have nothing much to say.

"I thought it was Reed this entire time. He's always been the secretive one and Trent had my back through a lot when Reed would just kick us off to the side like we didn't mean anything to him. I believed Trent when he told me that they didn't do it. I was skeptical, sure, but I still believed him because he was my friend."

Miles drags his hands down his face and sobs. He's crying?

"Then when I finally confronted Reed about it...I beat the shit out of him. I was so angry that he was the reason you were in here and could have died. H-He told me he wasn't the driver that night and Trent looked me right in the eyes and told me that it was an accident."

My heart sinks to the pit of my stomach and for some reason even knowing what I do now, it doesn't sit right with me that they will never get retribution for what they did. All that talk about the truth will set you free is bullshit. We know the truth and I feel like we're still caged.

"I am so sorry, Bree." Miles continues.

I stare blankly at the wall behind him and nod my head a little.

"Don't be. It's not your fault. You just trusted the wrong people."

He scratches his head, pulling his bottom lip between his teeth. I can see him shaking from across the room.

"Miles..." I call out.

He perks his head up.

"Don't beat yourself up over this, okay? You can come home now and everything will be alright."

"No...it won't. Half the town still thinks I had something to do with Selena's death. You heard them whispering about me. I can't just go back and explain to them my friends committed the crime that I didn't know about even though it was clearly obvious my car getting wrecked was caused by more than a fucking mailbox."

I shrug and hang my head down.

"Then I don't know what you want me to say. I can't go back home and face anyone either. Whenever you disappeared again, the talking only got worse. I tried to cover for you and told everyone you were visiting your father for awhile."

"Why would you do that? Without knowing the truth?" He asks.

"Because I'm an idiot and I was still holding onto you, though you gave me absolutely no justified reason to."

He takes a seat on the floor and pulls his knees up to his chest. It wasn't the best look for me to constantly defend him when everyone in town obviously believed otherwise, but it would've made it easier if he had come back with an explanation and we could continue with what we had.
I was just fucking delusional.

"It would've been easier if I had just left it alone and let you stay here and make another life for yourself. It probably would've benefited you more to not know the truth." I say.

He shakes his head and sighs.

"No, that isn't true because then I would have never been able to see you again."

"Were you actually planning on it? Did you expect me to wait on you for as long as possible without knowing where the hell you went and what you did?"

His eyes are bloodshot. He shakes his head again, longer than last time.

"Of course not! I just had hope that it would've worked out because I didn't do anything wrong and when you're a good person, good things happen to you. I got lucky enough with you so I figured my luck hadn't ran out yet..."

"Living your life following that conspiracy really doesn't benefit anyone. You know bad things happen to good people too."

He gulps, pressing his chin into one of his knees.

"Yeah...I know." He croaks. "I ruined everything didn't I?"

"Most of this wasn't your fault but you still have to be accountable for the actions you took and why we...can't be together."

I have to pause take in what I just said. I haven't said that out loud before and now I'm saying it right to his face.

He lifts his head up, discomfited by what I said. I can't take it back now. I won't.

"Do you mean that?" He whispers.

"I have to, Miles. If I don't then all of this would be for nothing. This is all my learning experience and if I don't do what the universe is obviously pushing me to, I'll never be truly happy."

"But we were happy!" He shouts.

"Were! See? You just said it yourself. We were happy. There's a reason for all of this and the only thing I've gathered from it is that we don't belong together. The man that I'm supposed to end up with would never hurt me the way that you did even if it wasn't entirely your fault."

He jumps to his feet and rushes over to me.

"Bree, please. Don't do this. I love you. You know I love you! I did all of this so I could clear my name and you wouldn't have to worry about me or our relationship seeming fishy. I'm sorry that I left but I did so that I could protect you from those guys and my point is literally proven because of where you are right now! I wanted to protect you! I swear!"

"Protecting me and recklessly ruining me are two very different things. If we can't have even the most difficult conversations, there's no point in continuing this relationship when I don't trust you."

"So you don't believe me?" He gasps.

"I do believe you, Miles. I believe you but I just...can't trust you to not hurt me like this again."