for, lover (Completed; editing)

Chapter 78

Winter feels colder this year.
It's longer too. The leaves didn't stand a chance in our short-lived autumn, finding their forever home under the few inches of snow.
The sky hasn't been clear all week. It's weird how we don't have more snow caked on the ground since it hasn't stopped coming down since late November. 

My parents both begged me to join them for Thanksgiving but I was too embarrassed to show. I didn't want to get off the anti-holiday spirit impression that would ruin everyone else's mood. The holidays are hard to make it through when your only companion in the past few months has been sadness.

The truth is, the only joy I've been able to get out of life at all since last summer is taking care of Lily. She's growing up way too fast. Pretty soon she'll be walking and talking. She's definitely the best baby I've ever met who sleeps as much as I do. Maddy's comfortable leaving her around me for long periods of time since I've become more accustomed to the Godmother title and Lily's constantly at my side, pulling on my pant leg until I pick her up for our afternoon nap.

The loneliest day I felt was at Maddy and Ben's wedding. They felt it was better to keep it short and sweet. Their engagement didn't last long and they were finally ready to finalize everything pretty quickly; including the house they just bought.

Once they got back from their honeymoon, we all got together to move her things out of the apartment. The apartment she swore we had more time together in. Now every time I pass the hallway and see the open door to the skeleton of her former bedroom, I feel torn.

It isn't too bad. They live right down the road and I'm over there all the time to help with Lily anyway. Ben comes over occasionally to fix something in the apartment that I nag about until he can get around to doing it.

After the last time I spoke to Miles outside in the parking lot, I went to stay with my mother for a few weeks. I added onto the story she had already heard and took in the advice I know that I desperately needed. She didn't berate me or lecture me. She even cried with me on the days I needed to the most. Then she told me the only thing I didn't even know that I wanted to hear; "I'm proud of you and you're going to be okay."

I may not have been convinced of it then, but I think I am now.

Maddy and Ben should be over any second now to help me decorate the tree. I went minimal with the Christmas decorations this year considering I live alone now, but I still thought it would be cute to have it be a group activity. Maddy refused to deny any of my recent requests since I've fallen back in my mental health. I keep promising her that I'm much better than she assumes but there is no convincing her so she'll keep doing all that she can when she's available. I don't mind it at all.

"I'm so sorry we're late! The casserole wasn't done yet and I didn't want to take it out early or it surely would've been cold in the middle. The recipe said exactly 106 minutes and when you called we still had 40 left! But we are here now and this is going to taste so good." Maddy rambles as she carries the large, glass dish into the dining area.

Ben gives me an apologetic look and shoots his eyes to motion at his wife, which forces a laugh out of me.

Maddy whips her head towards us. "What's so funny?"

"Nothing, babe!" Ben smiles and sets the carseat down on the floor.

She glares at him and rushes off to the kitchen to grab some plates.

"I told her we could have just ordered pizza." He sighs.

"She wanted to cook! You know it's her thing." I defend.

"The woman won't take a breather."

"You already knew that." I smirk.

"What are you two still sitting for? It's going to get cold!" Maddy warns and scoops up Lily from the seat.

"Sorry, dear. We just got so excited about your casserole that we forgot we needed to eat it!" Ben teases.

She gives him a glare and carries Lily over to her high chair.

"You saw that look?" He whispers.

"You should be afraid." I warn him, flashing a smile and heading over to the dining area.

Maddy digs out generous sized portions on each plate for us, dispersing them to our seats at the table.

"So how was the semester? Get good grades?" I ask her.

She chuckles and reaches into the diaper bag for Lily's food. "Yeah, it was great. Getting a lot closer to being done."

"Got any jobs lined up?" I take my first bite, letting the food melt in my mouth to savor it even longer. It's incredible to no surprise.

"I actually applied for an assistant teacher to fill-time at SCAD."

Me and Ben shoot each other a look. This must be the first time he's hearing this too.

"SCAD? Savannah school of Art?"

She nods. "Chances of me getting it are low but I worked really hard on my portfolio and resumé so I still have hope."

"When...were you going to mention this to me?" Ben asks, setting his fork down on his plate.

"Well, I'm telling you now."

"Yeah but like...shouldn't you have said something before you applied?"

Maddy glances at him from across the table. "I don't see what the big deal is, Ben. It's not like I got the job and we're moving tomorrow."

"Okay, but what if you do get the job? We can't just up and leave to Georgia."

I press my lips together. "Ben's right, Mads. You probably should've included him in that ordeal."

She sighs. "You guys are overreacting. I probably won't even get the job. They get a shit ton of applications every year. You have to be damn good to work there."

"You are damn good. It's not impossible." I tell her.

She shrugs and scoops a spoonful of food into Lily's mouth who swallows it with a smile. She loves eating at the grown up table.

"What about you? How are things at the bean?"

I snort. "The same old shit. I wish there was anything interesting going on in my life."

She still doesn't know about that night in March. No one does except Miles and mom.

"What about you and Tony? Have you guys talked?"

I shake my head. "Nope. I've accepted that whenever a guy wants to ghost me, I'm going to just accept it and let it happen because obviously it wasn't meant to be anyway."

"Do you really believe that?" Ben asks.

"I do! As a matter of fact, I'm going out with my coworkers tomorrow for drinks. I'm not going to be sad around Christmas."

"Exactly! I'm glad you're doing better. I know you weren't exactly in the best headspace a few months ago." Maddy adds.

"Seeing my mom really helped. She was surprisingly nice. It makes a difference not living with her because she has nothing to bitch at me about and she missed me too much to argue."

Ben snickers. "You stayed there for three weeks though. I'm sure she found something to bitch about."

I lift my hand, squeezing my thumb and index finger close together. "Maybe a little."