for, lover (Completed; editing)

Chapter 76

I slept in this morning finally after I was able to drift off some time around 3 A.M.

By the mid afternoon, I still hadn't heard from Tony. I assumed he was working all day and would contact me later.

When 7 P.M. rolled around, I was losing hope that he'd reach out after all. He said he'd see me tomorrow. He's never failed to keep his word.

I take out my phone and hover my finger over his contact. I have to force myself to call him or I definitely won't sleep tonight.

The phone rings for what seems like forever until he finally picks up on what was probably the last one. I can hear Tony's slow breaths on the other end of the line. He sounds groggy.

"Hello?"

"Tony?"

I hear shuffling in the background and intensified breathing.

"Bree! Holy shit, I am so sorry. I worked almost all day and passed out as soon as I got home. I was exhausted. Are you okay?"

"I guess...I mean, no. Not really. I haven't watched the News or spoken to Miles today. I kind of just shut myself off from everything. You're the first person I've talked to all day."

He lets out a long sigh. "I'm sorry. I really did want to talk to you. Do you still want me to come over?"

"You don't have to if you don't want to but I would really like to see you."

He pauses for a moment and sucks at his teeth. "I'll be on my way in a few minutes." He says and hangs up.

I set my phone down on my bed and point my attention to the floor. I can't believe I've let it get this fucked up. This was all supposed to end when I officially broke it off with Miles back in the hospital.

He wasn't supposed to come back here.
He wasn't supposed to drop by my work almost every damn day.
He wasn't supposed to persuade me for help.

I can't stop myself from feeling guilty no matter how hard I try. I wanted to be fine with letting him go and moving on like I was meant to but when he was practically pleading for my help, I thought I'd be doing both of us a favor.

People are brought in and out of our lives for a reason. If you can somehow survive the wreckage together as well as time apart, you can survive anything.

He was right about me lying to myself. I did want him back in my life. I don't know exactly why, but it was nice to have him around. It could just be the convenience of it all and having him showing up when I needed him. Granted, he was doing it for more selfish reasons like trying to subtly win me back but I was being selfish too.

Maddy knocks and cracks the door open, poking her head in. "Hey...I just wanted to let you know that me and Ben are going out. His mom is watching Lily."

"Okay."

She sighs. "Bree, I don't want you to be mad at me for telling Tony your address. I was worried about you and so was he. That man is good to you! Don't screw it up."

"I know he's good for me, Mads."

"Then what's your deal? You never explained what happened last night when you got home."

"It's a really...long story." I almost choke on my breath and lose my fight to my already forming tears.

I've been in more of a crying mood lately than I've ever been in my life. This is all new to me.

"Well if you finally want to talk about it, I'm here."

I force a smile a nod. "Thanks. Hope you two have fun."

She waves me goodbye, shutting the door quietly behind her.

Tony arrives shortly after her and Ben leave. He waits patiently at the front door for me to answer it. I try not to look too disastrous since I haven't even showered or brushed my hair today. If he truly loves me, he'll see me at my worst.

He smiles at me when I open the door and move to the side to let him in. He walks me to the living room and sits down on the couch.

"What have you been doing all day?"

Small talk is so awkward. I wish we'd get straight to the point.

"Well I didn't fall asleep until 3, woke up at noon, ate my burnt bagel, fell back asleep until a quarter after 4, cooked a really bad frozen meal for dinner, watched a few episodes of Grey's Anatomy, and then...called you. So yeah, very unproductive as you can see."

He chuckles. "Sounds relaxing. I was stuck at work all day. They had me recruiting new employees for the company. They're paying me extra but I have to work overtime."

"Tony...what do you even do for a living? You never talk about your job."

He blinks a few times and stares at me. "Babe, I've mentioned it plenty of times. I'm a project manager. I've pointed out my building on numerous occasions on our trips downtown."

Shit, he's right. I vaguely remember that. Why is his personal life so fucking hard for me to remember?

"Right...sorry."

He leans his head back. "It's okay, it's not important."

"No, Tony, that's not true. I've been a really shitty girlfriend. Your life is very important and I'm sorry I haven't been more in the loop about it."

He tilts his face down towards me, keeping his neck propped up against the couch cushion. "Are you serious about our relationship?"

My throat is on fire. Why would he ask me that if he didn't already think that I wasn't serious about it?

"Be honest with me. Please." He continues.

"Of course I am!"

"It's hard to tell sometimes, you know? You don't really listen to me, you've been hiding weird things from me for a few weeks, you were so defensive about your ex boyfriend...I just can't tell when I'm with you. Then the way that you tried to get me to go home last night without even wanting to resolve things right then, it made me feel worthless."

"Tony, I'm sorry..."

"You don't have to keep apologizing. We're having an honest, raw conversation. Just tell me the truth."

"If you're going to ask about my feelings for Miles, I swear that's not even a thing. He just kissed me because he-"

My heart skips a beat as Tony's eyes start to widen.