Sad Supernatural Imagines

#158 Cas - Thoughts

Y/N p.o.v:

You'll never be good enough.
Shut up.
You're a burden to everyone in your life.
Shut up.
No one cares.
No one cares.
No one cares.
Shut up.
You're worthless.
Worthless.
Worthless.
Shut up.
Shut up.
You'll never be good enough.
You're a horrible person.
You deserve to die.
Shut up!
You deserve to die!
SHUT UP!
"How's the sandwich?" Dean laughed as you basically buried your face in it.
He's judging you.
Shut up.
You laughed and forced a smile.
"It's really good." He nodded and went back to eating his own. You heard a flutter and looked behind you.
"Hey, babe." You said with your mouth full. Cas raised a brow and it caused Dean to chuckle.
"Hello." You and Cas had a small date planned for tonight so you knew why he was here.
"Best get to leaving, Dean-o." Dean groaned but complied because he had already agreed to let you guys use the bunker tonight.
"Okay, okay." He said and then finished what he was eating. You watched him grab his keys and then walk up the stairs.
"Don't destroy the bunker, lovebirds." And then he was gone. You finished yours too before stretching.
"Ready?" He asked with a smile.
You'll ruin tonight, you know it.
Shut up.
You smiled back and nodded.
The night was great and you had a lot of fun. Cas ended up asking Gabriel to help him learn how to snap things into reality and it made the night even better. He had a few hiccups since he was nervous but all in all, a good night.
He doesn't love you.
Shut up.
The next day you guys went on a hunt. This hunt was different though. You felt like something would go wrong.
"I think we should send another hunter and bail on this one. I have a bad feeling-" Dean laughed at you and rolled his eyes.
"We'll be fine, Y/N." He said and continued driving. The closer you guys got, the more nervous you were about the hunt.
No one cares about your opinion.
Suck it up and do the job.
You're overreacting.
Shut up.
The next few days, the feeling only got worse. You guys caught the witch but she ended up getting away. Not before she blew dust on you though. You were told to stay in the motel while they dealt with it and found out what happened to you. Suddenly, Cas showed up.
"They asked me to make sure you were okay." He said but his face quickly went from kind to horrified. He sat you down and held you for a long time.
"Cas, this is nice...but why are you doing this?"
"The witch must have cast a spell on you which lets other people read your thoughts." He responded and as his words trickled out, you froze.
He knows.
"Why didn't you ever say anything about what you felt?" He asked softly. You sat up, the tears coming out of nowhere and sliding down your face. Cats out of the bag, and you can't exactly get it back in like usual.
"I keep my problems to myself because no one can fix them. What are you gonna do? Tell me you understand? Say it gets better? My soul is tired. You can't help me." And with those words, you spent the next few months under his watch and care. It took a long time, a really long time. After months of therapy and some medication, you were back to a semi normal life. You could get through the day without feeling like a burden to those around you. Obviously you still have your bad days. It never goes away, that's how depression is. That's how it works. You just figure out coping strategies to be able to live with it. Your thoughts aren't always your own and you can always find ways to change your thought process. It takes time to realize that and it takes even more time to actually be able to see the difference.