Sad Supernatural Imagines

#120 Dean - Lost and Sweet Death

Y/N p.o.v:

Nothing would be the same again. He's gone and it was your fault. Dean was your best friend. You told him everything and vice versa. But he left. It was getting bad for you again. You blamed yourself more and more. You refused to talk to him. He knew you weren't doing okay, but he never did anything to help. He couldn't. He wasn't doing well either. When someone isn't in the right state of mind to help themselves, they can't help others. They're just setting the example that it's okay to not be okay. Which isn't bad. But it can be if you make no effort to actually be okay again. You hurt Dean a lot. You pushed him away again and again and now this time he's actually gone. Or maybe it wasn't your fault. Maybe this was inevitable. You guys just kept getting more and more distant. Both of you hated it, but it happens. You moved out of the bunker once he told you that it was no good for you to be there. It's been hard even though it's only been a week. Dean hasn't spoken to you at all and you didn't make any effort to talk to him. Sam tried calling to see how you were doing, but you let it go to voicemail. You cried and cried. It was like you had an endless supply of tears. It hurt that you two had drifted apart. You read over the last text you sent him.
"You won't respond and that's okay. But thank you. For showing me that it will be okay. And that you still loved me even after screwing up countless times. Thank you for being there and staying despite me being a suicidal and depressed. Thank you for...being my best friend. I don't want you to get angry or anything, but I'm sorry. For everything I've ever done to hurt you and Sammy. I can't change what I did and I accepted that. I will always love you, Dean, that won't ever change. I'll always be here if you ever need me. If you don't want to speak to me again, I understand. But again, thank you. Thank you for the times you've stayed up late. The hugs you've given me. The pep talks and the nights you've saved my life. I'll miss you. My life will not be the same without you. But I believe I'll be okay. I'll remember our good memories so it won't hurt and I hope you will too. You're a really good person. You deserve to be happy and you deserve good people in your life. People who will support you and love you. You deserve all the good in the world. Despite what you say about yourself, you're really an amazing guy and very handsome. I really wish you and Sam the best. If you decide to respond, please don't get mad. This wasn't something to make you feel bad or to blame myself. This wasn't me saying "goodbye this is the night I'm killing myself." This is me truly thanking you for being such a good part of my life and accepting that it is probably over. You've heard this a thousand times and I'll say it one last time: I love you, Dean Winchester, you taught me to love myself, that it's okay to not be okay, that it's okay to go to people for help, that there is love in the world, and that I will never find someone like you again. I hope you have a good day tomorrow and the days following." You let the tears slip out of your glossy eyes and sniffled. You sent that two days ago. He looked at it, but never responded. It had been a few months noe and you were really missing him tonight. You'll

admit: These past few days have been rough without him. You keep thinking about the times you've hung out, the hours upon hours on the phone literally just sitting there doing nothing. You keep thinking about how this didn't have to happen and how it's your fault. But then again, maybe it wasn't. Maybe you guys just drifted too far apart to actually come together again. You've been missing him a lot. You don't know if he has and to be honest, you think he has thought of you. Maybe once.. or twice. It feels like you haven't spoken to him in months. Even though it's been maybe a week or so. You remember the night at the pool with you, him, and Sam. That night made you very happy. You remember the very last time you guys hung out... You remember making Sam mad because you wanted to spend more time with him. You were glad you did that. You remember the hugs and the times he said I love you and you never said it back. The times you acted like you didn't want a hug, but that's really what you needed. You miss Dean. And tonight it really hit you. Laying, sobbing because you just want to be able to talk to him again, to maybe start over. You know that won't happen and it hurts. But it will be okay, right? You had a dream where you were trying to save someone from a monster and it really reminded you of him. You regret not listening to him and for hurting him. You were shaking now. It was a violent shake. You could barely lift your phone up to decline Sam's call. But you're mostly thinking of the good times. You missed those times with Dean. Maybe you do somewhat blame yourself, but, in reality, you don't think you could have prevented this. This hurts more than when you had lost your mother. You won't be okay for a long time. You know that. But you know, somehow, someway, you will be okay again. With or without him. Although, you'd rather it be with him. You've been a toxic person to people. You are trying to fix that. Can he tell? You believe you can. You do need to start coming to terms with stuff like this though. People leave, even the ones who you thought would always be there. But he isn't gone. At least, not the memories. You remember all of the good hunts. Like the one where you saved everyone and went out for drinks. That day, Dean bought you a necklace. You still have that necklace. You miss Dean. You've been doing better at hunts solo. It used to be difficult for you. You can't focus much sometimes, but you're doing well. Tonight is just a bad night. It will be okay soon. You finally fell asleep, a small smile creeping across your face as you fell into the dark. Your heart stopped beating and the bottle of pills fell out of your hand. You gave in to the sweet, warm embrace of Death. She knew how tired you were. She welcomed you.
"Are you ready?" She asked. You smiled and nodded.
"Yes." You replied and walked into the bright light with Death guiding you.

A/N:

So, I wrote most of that to my ex best friend. I changed it up a bit for this chapter of course. But I'm missing him tonight. Of course, it's different for me in this case. A lot of parts are different but most of it is pretty close to what I texted him. I hope this was good.