Sad Supernatural Imagines

#117 Dean - I Love You

Y/N p.o.v:

Lonely. You were lonely. Sad. You were sad. Hurt. You were hurt. Depressed. You were depressed. Empty. You were empty.
"I'm doing okay today, Dean." You replied with a bright smile when he asked how you were doing. He smiled back and then walked away. Your smile dropped. It was tiring pretending to be happy. You used to tell Dean everything. He was your best friend, but now... You couldn't bring yourself to be able to trust him. He detached himself from you when he left to find Sam. He wouldn't talk to you about his feelings like he used to and he would hardly talk to you unless you started the conversation. It hurt. When the people closest to you hurt you, you lost the trust. He left you and it hurt. You wouldn't forget that. He broke his promises and lied. After he realized he was losing you, he wanted to fix it. However, that didn't work. You were too scared to trust him again. You hated it, but you couldn't seem to help it. You blamed Dean when it wasn't even his fault. He was going through a tough time. And now that he's somewhat better now that Sam is back, he talks to you more often.
"I love you, Dean!" You yelled.
"I love you too!" He yelled back. You told him that everyday so he wouldn't forget just in case anything happened to you. You smiled and then stopped. The thoughts were overwhelming. You wanted to scream and cry, but you bottled it up. You know that when the day comes where Dean shakes the bottle and it explodes, you'll hurt him. You couldn't stand the thought of doing that so you kept your cool each time he upset you. It gets harder and harder everyday. You got up and walked to your room. Once you shut and locked the door, tears spilled. You were losing yourself trying to help him. You're so scared to lose him. You couldn't. He is a part of you. If you lost him...it would destroy you. You sobbed into your pillow. You wished things were back to normal, but they never will be, will they? Things changed and you have to accept it. No matter how much you refuse to, eventually you will. Your tears gradually stopped. You lied there in the darkness.
'What would it be like if I just disappeared?' You asked yourself.

~months laterr~

And so your self-destructive path had started. You could hardly even go on hunts anymore. You knew Dean was worried, so was Sam. You talked to Dean about what's going on a couple of times, but he didn't respond in the ways you wanted or the ways he would used to. You slowly got worse and worse, sicker and sicker.
"I love you, Dean."
"I love you too."
Soon enough the 'I love you's got longer. You would add in a thanks sometimes and why you were thankful. He questioned it sometimes but eventually stopped because it was a regular thing. Then you added in hugs. You didn't know it but he was really worried when you started doing that. He asked about it one time, but you just laughed it off and said the same thing as always.
"Are you okay? I'm getting worried. Saying I love you and the thanks and the hugs? I sense red flags." He said. You just rolled your eyes and chuckled.
"It's just in case anything happens to you or me or even Sam. I don't want you to forget that I love you no matter what." You said with a smile. He smiled back and nodded. You planned this day for months. Perfecting it obsessively. It was unhealthy and this would kill you. Literally. You wanted to lie to Sam and Dean about where you were going, picking out a lie they would most certainly believe.
"Hey, I'm going to the store." You said as you grabbed your keys. Sam and Dean looked up worried.
"I can go with you." Dean said as he stood up, dropping the book he was reading. You rolled your eyes.
"Time of the month guys. Prepare for one of the worst weeks of your lives." You said with a giggle. Dean quickly sat back down.
"Never mind. Be careful." He said. You nodded.
"I love you both. Thank you for being awesome friends and a great family. Thank you for always being there for me, Dean. Same to you, Sammy. You mean so much to me. I love you guys so much." You said and hugged them. They hugged back, giving each other a concerned look. You let go and then waved.
"See you later." You said with a bright smile and walked out the door. You dropped your smile and ran to your car. You got in and then speed away. You threw your phone out of your car and every other electronic that you could find. You wanted to take as many life threatening pills as you could. You downed bottle after bottle and then kept driving. You parked by a cliff quickly after so you wouldn't risk killing anyone else. You wanted to watch the sun set. You sat down on the damp grass and stared at the sky. It was a purplish, pinkish, orangish color. It was beautiful. You pulled out a picture of you and the boys from your pocket. It was an old one. Tears fell down your cheeks. You looked back up at the sky. It was almost night. The stars were slowly appearing. You were gone for almost an hour now. Sam and Dean would be getting worried soon. You stood up and set the picture on the hood of your car. You grabbed the gun from your your glove box and then stood in front of the car again. Watching the sun disappear and the stars fully appear. You smiled with tears streaming down your face. You placed the gun to your head and squeezed your eyes shut.
"Goodbye. I love you." You cried softly.

BANG!

A/N:

It's getting bad again..