Sad Supernatural Imagines

#149 Cas - You're Still On My Mind

Y/N p.o.v:

It's been a year, and four months since he left. You were with someone new now. Trevor was a wonderful guy who treated you like you should be. You giggled as he kissed you on the cheek and tickled you lightly.
"I'll see you tomorrow, love."
"Okay. Goodnight."
"I love you."
"I love you."
He never made you feel like an object or anything less than a person, a human being. You felt in your heart you'd marry him and you didn't believe in marriage. Not until you met him. You smiled and shut the door, your heart full of warmth and love. Hours passed and it's three in the morning. Everything from earlier gone like it never happened in the first place. Castiel was someone you truly loved. His world was yours. The life you lived, the people and monsters you fought, the love. It was all yours too that was taken away the moment he decided he couldn't handle a relationship. You look back and no matter how much time has passed, you don't think you'll ever truly get over him for he was the first man you let in that stayed. You can be having the best day and still would think of him. This isn't someone you can just get over because you loved him. Part of you always will and that's what people don't understand. That you can be over someone, but still think of them. You can be over someone, but still feel some kind of love for them. Because love is a choice...but the heartbreak from it isn't always. You don't just unlove someone you gave your heart to. You can't unlove someone who you would have done anything for. All you can do is find someone you can love more. Someone who shows you they're worth it with proof. You find someone your heart wants just as much, if not, more than the person before. Love is tricky during a relationship and even more so afterwards. But love is love and it will always be there if you truly cared for that person. And Cas was that person. You were happy. You had a home, a car, a loving boyfriend, friends he introduced you to. You were okay with everything in your life, but he was always there. You got out your notebook and went through the filled pages to a blank one. You grabbed a pen and started writing.

It's been so long but you're still on my mind. I can't seem to not think of you and sometimes it gets overwhelming. I try hard to be happy even when the thought of you instantly makes me feel miserable. You made me feel things that make me wonder if I'd ever feel them again. You make me wonder if I'm ever truly in love again. Then I'm reminded of what you did. I'm reminded of how it made me feel when it happened. I'm reminded of what we were...who you were. You changed the weeks before you left and there will never be anything that could explain the pain I felt watching you become uninterested, watching you become a stranger once again. Like the years we put in together were suddenly nothing. I know I'm still hurt and I think I will be for a while. But I'm okay with that and it comforts me to know that the man in my life now is patient and understanding enough to wait while I'm still healing. It's a comfort to know that it wasn't me that was the problem, it was you and I feel sorry for the girl who makes the mistake of loving you next. I feel sorry for the girl who will have to put up with your bullshit that I put up with. But most of all, I feel sorry for you. I feel sorry you couldn't handle me or anything about me. I feel sorry you weren't man enough to stay. I feel sorry for you. However I wish you the best regardless. I hope you eventually find happiness and a girl you won't do the same thing to. I wish you a good life because everyone is capable of change.

You closed the notebook with a smile. You always felt better after writing out how you felt. It was hard and this would be a lifelong battle but one you were willing to fight. You have someone who makes you feel loved. You have someone who adds to the happiness you already feel. You get through the day with ease and the intrusive thoughts you once had weren't there as much anymore. You're able to eat even if it isn't a lot. You're getting better at being okay even though part of you still loves him. You're finding it easier to get through the day even though he's still on your mind. You still love him, but you love yourself more.

A/N:

I wanted to make this for the people who still have someone they love that isn't a part of their life anymore but are still finding ways to get through the day and surround themselves with people who make them feel like they're worth something. This is for those who will always love someone no matter what but are still capable of finding someone they can love more.