Everyone has a reason {Bellatrix lestrange x female reader}

im drowning {TW-sexual assault , feelings of depression)

And there i was..alone with the death eaters ,
they all seemed scared of me , almost more than they were of Bellatrix .

as i scanned my eyes over each face , reading their emotions , their feelings..my eyes stopped at one
Igor Karakroff
He stared at me with a smirk plastered on his face, eyeing me up and down.
-
Soon enough the meeting came to an end , but i sat and watched them leave one by one .
As i got up to leave i felt a harsh grasp around my wrist which made me gasp in pain as an unknown pair of fingers dug deep into my cuts.

"y/n"

i turned to see Igor holding me tightly against a wall .

"what are you doing."i spat"let go of me"

but then before i could say any more he crashed his cold lips onto mine and i gasped in disgust as his hands travelled up my dress .

"LET GO OF ME" i screamed as memories clouded my mind and i started to panic.

i felt like walls were closing in on my throat , i couldn't breathe and glassy tears formed in my eyes.

"shut the fuck up , you dirty slut, listen , you will do as i say and you will not make a sound" he whispered harshly into my ear .

Igor dragged me into a nearby room and threw me onto the bed
as he turned to close the door i stumbled to my feet in an attempt to escape but was quickly pushed back down .

i closed my eyes trying to block out what was happening and tears streamed down my face as he thrusted into me .

i was so lost in a pit of darkness and panic but was shortly pulled back into reality when a grab at my throat pulled me up to face him

he placed one last rough kiss on my lips "you do not speak of this to anyone ,got it ?"

i stayed silent but then felt a sting come into contact with my cheek

"i asked you a fucking question" he hissed

i nodded and with that , he released his grip on my neck, leaving me to stumble back onto the bed

i was so in shock , my breathing became unsteady and i lay there , partially naked , sobbing.

But then i remembered the meeting had finished over 20 minutes ago and Bella would be worried

i needed to get to her but i couldn't . i couldn't breathe or move or function

the last words to come from my lips was a quiet whisper
"Bella...i need you Bella"
then everything went black as my tired consciousness faded.
-
i felt myself move but was too scared to open my eyes
"y/n ! y/n wake up sweetheart"

i knew that voice..it was Bella..i was safe
i opened my eyes and instantly felt myself pulled into a hug

"what happened Bels" i managed to whisper

"i-i was at home waiting for you but i began to worry after it had been around 30 minutes but then i heard a faint whisper in the back of my head and i knew it was you" Bella began to explain and suddenly it all came back to me

"i apparated to you and i found you lying on a bed passed out , naked and i feared the worst so i brought you back home" she continued

"ive been sat with you for about an hour" Bella whimpered

it was only then i noticed tears falling from her eyes , running down her mascara stained face.

*does Bella think i cheated on her ? i need to explain*

"Bella.. i- i promise i didn't mean t-to..it wasnt my- he did it Bels i-" i began to say in between sobs
"shh hey listen , sweetheart i do not think you did anything willingly , but you need to calm down and tell me what happened." She cut me off

when my breathing steadied , i explained everything , what happened , who did it , the panic attack , everything.

Her eyes widened and she hugged me tightly while stroking my hair

"i'm so sorry y/n i should have been there..i wont let any harm come to you ever again" Bella said

i melted into her warm embrace and felt a wave of peace come over me

"come on sweet , lets get you some food and something to drink and ill deal with him tomorrow" she said whilst pulling me up and leading me to the kitchen

i sat down and Bellatrix placed a warm plate of food infront of me aswell as a tall glass of water

"y/n baby you need to eat"she whispered

i hadn't the energy to talk so i slowly brought a piece of food on a fork to my mouth and began eating
I noticed as Bella watched me that i single tear had fallen from her eyes , so i got up and went over to her

i wiped away her tears with my thumb and locked eyes with her

"sweetheart i promise i'm okay , its nothing i'm not used to , theres no need for tears now" i tried to comfort her

but i watched as her eyes widened with sadness and she began to stutter

"w-what do you mean ?" she finally let out
"your used to it..?"

i realized i had never told her that...

this is the most vulnerable i had ever seen her
*does Bellatrix Black have a soft spot for me?*

"love don't worry i don't mean anything by it , i meant to say its nothing i cant handle." i tried to lie through my teeth

*BELLATRIX POV*

i knew something was off , i tried to tap into her mind but it was empty , there were no thoughts nor feelings at this time , she was numb to the bone

"please y/n tell me whats wrong"

"Bels i promise i'm fine i don't know whats gotten into you or why you assume i'm hiding something" she said coldly and bluntly

she was blinking a lot , a habit i'd picked up on many years ago , she does it when shes nervous.

then i felt an emotion , i could hear her mind again , i could feel her thoughts again

they were so self loathing and so dark , i could feel most if not all her feelings
however i still couldn't hear her thoughts clearly

*Y/N'S POV*

I was so close to telling her everything and just letting my walls down , but those walls.. those walls protect me and i cant let that go.
i had to leave before i could accidentally say anything again.

"Bella sweetheart i need a quick nap" i said whilst getting up

I looked deep into her eyes , i felt guilty for what i was about to do but i had to push it down as far as i could

hesitantly , she replied "okay gorgeous ill see you when you wake up...i love you y/n"

"i love you too Bella"
and with that i walked up to the bathroom , filled with nothing but self hate , anger , sadness and guilt.

*A/N*
aghh im so sorry it takes me so long to update but im going to pre write the next chapter so ill publish this one and that one together , also heads up as the next one is going to be extremely triggering (ill put a warning in the chapter)
but as always i love you , stay safe lovelies

~h <3