Everyone has a reason {Bellatrix lestrange x female reader}

what we owe to eachother

the next day*
7:49pm

I haven't left my room since last night , i'm too ashamed , i skipped todays training as i was far to scared to see Bella and Cissy .
The house elves of course brought me my meals but i hadn't touched them.It was an exact repeat of last time , i was trying so hard to be motivated, to pluck up the courage and go and speak to them , but i just..couldn't.

Cissy came into my room earlier to try to reason with me but all she received was mumbles and an occasional "go away" .
I knew i needed to speak with them at some point but i had no idea what to say.

Bella's POV*
It was a cold evening and me and my sister were sat by the fire discussing what we should to regarding y/n .
"i love her so much Cissy , but i cant keep up with the lies and the deception"

"i know bels , i know . We clearly need to approach this differently if shes not responding to recovery" she replied

"were going on a mission in the morning and she hasn't come out of that bloody bedroom ! i just don't know what to do anymore" my voice began to break with tears

Cissa came over and began to rub my back in attempt to comfort me

"listen we will figure this out , the three of us but we need to speak to her and try to get an understanding of her mind" she whispered

We came to an agreement that we will both go and speak with y/n.

Y/n's POV*

I haven't moved , just lying on my side facing the window , not moving , not thinking , nothing.
I heard a knock at my door and ignored it before hearing a second , slightly louder one.

"its open"i lazily mumbled

without looking , i heard my door open and Bella and Cissa walking in .

"y/n.." i heard Bella say
"y/n can you please look at us" she said a little louder causing me to finally sit up and face them both.

Bellatrix came and sat behind me , letting me sit in between her legs and lean into her back whilst Cissy sat beside us.

"y/n/n we all need to talk" Narcissa said which earned a small 'mhm' from me.
"we thought you were getting better..what happened , are you not happy here?" Bella spoke

"i-" i hesitated "i'm the happiest i've ever been"

"well then why have you been lying to us?" Cissy asked as Bella stroked my hair

"i-i don't know , i obviously still struggle with eating , you both know that.. but the eatings been getting better" i paused "but i just cant stop hurting myself, it brings me so much comfort and when i stop doing it..i miss it"

there was a silence before i started to speak again.
"i guess , i'm still trying to decipher my own thoughts and how i feel but..i think because i'm not binging as much anymore , i feel guilty about it- and my way of getting rid of those thoughts has always been to cut. I know i'm eating and everything but it doesn't feel like i'm recovering if i still just feel bad about my body" i finally began to tell them

"we know y/n.. we don't know what your feeling but i think you don't have any other ways of coping , because to you..self harm is a natural way of coping and you feel as though theres nothing wrong , like its normal" Bella said while holding me close

Narcissa brushed her hand over my arm
"we need to find better ways for you to cope , like.. what things do you like doing to calm yourself other than self harm ?" she said