Everyone has a reason {Bellatrix lestrange x female reader}

your all i need {TW ~ SUICIDE ATTEMPT}

I felt her eyes watch as i slowly wandered off to the bathroom.
I walked in and closed the door behind me and proceeded to slide my back against the door , i relived every memory , and questioned what i was doing with my life .

I had been beaten , assaulted and used , i was disgusting, who would want me now

i wasn't thinking straight but i knew there was only one way to relieve my stress , i reached for the cupboard under the sink , where i usually kept my blades
But they weren't there. She had hidden them

*fucking cunt , why would she do that for fucks sake* i thought to myself

I trashed the bathroom ,searching frantically for them , looking in every place i could think of

When i realized i wasn't going to find them without Bella realizing what i was doing .
My eyes wandered around trying to think of a solution when they landed on Bellas razor , it was a long shot..i would have to replace it without her noticing

But i was desperate , so without thinking about the consequences , i broke the blade out of the razor and snapped it in half so i could get the sharpest bit

I inhaled and drew red lines down my arm and exhaled , but i wasn't satisfied until i saw blood dripping so i cut a little deeper

i was so lost in thought cutting evenly on both arms , leaving no space, when i heard a knock.

i froze.

"y/n.. are you okay ? you said you were going to sleep and you've been in the bathroom for a long time" i heard Bellatrixs voice say

that was it. i had disappointed her . which only meant that if i was doing it , i might aswell die doing it , i couldn't face her after being such a burden

so i decided i wouldn't face her.

After a couple seconds of silence i felt her try to push the door open , so i leaned up and locked it.
That only made her panic more.

"Y/N!...what are you doing , please open the door" she cried out

i made my way to the corner of the bathroom because i knew it would only be a short while until she broke the door down

so i did it , i smiled to myself at the thought of Bella having a happy life and with that traced over my veins as deep as i could

i heard a very panicked "alohamora" and then the door unlocking

She burst in tears streaming down her face as she screamed - i could practically see the fear radiating off her body

but i had to commit now.. she had seen me and i wasn't prepared to face her , so i continued as fast as i could while she ran over to me trying to restrain my arms

I felt the last cut go almost to my bone as she finally pinned my hands down and took the blade off of me

But i think i did it , i think i finally did something right

i smiled to myself as i felt my eyes slowly closing and knowing Bella would be listening i thought
*i love you Bella , with my whole heart , im sorry i disappointed you*

Everything was fuzzy and i could hear her screams and cries

"DONT LEAVE ME Y/N KEEP YOUR EYES OPEN FOR ME HONEY PLEASE" she screamed
"you didn't disappoint me.."
was the last thing i heard before darkness
and i dreamt of my life with Bella

- - -

my heart sank as i felt my heartbeat in my mind
i don't think it worked..i failed again

i didn't want to wake up , i didn't want to open my eyes and face Bellatrix

i kept them closed in hopes that maybe i would still die
but all hope of that was lost when they finally opened

*Bellatrixs POV*
I had been with her for hours , tending to her , giving everything in me to try to keep her alive
my spells did hardly anything but i kept trying and trying with CPR until after what felt like forever i felt a heartbeat
I just held y/n in my arms stroking her hair and kissing her forehead , until i saw her stirring and her eyes opened.

She was weak and didn't have the energy to move or speak but when she locked eyes with me she quickly closed them and looked away

i felt so overcome with joy , i thought i was going to lose my saving grace , my forever , my love
all i could do for her in that moment was hug her tighter
i kissed her bandaged arms and picked her up Bridal style with her head buried in my chest

I slowly and steadily lay y/n on the sofa next to the kitchen and quickly got a glass of water for her

"try to drink a little sweetheart.." i whispered .
My throat was raspy and dry from screaming and crying
I sat her up so she was on top of me , leaning back onto my neck and i put the glass of water to her mouth .

Straight away she coughed it back up but after a second attempt i heard little gulps

"B-bella.." she managed to squeak out

"shhh i'm here my love.. i'm here..ill always be here" i stroked her soft y/h/c hair and rubbed little circles on her shoulder

"don't try to speak you need to gather your strength , we can talk later . But i need you to know i love you and i'm not disappointed in you , i'm just grateful your still here"

i lay with her and held her close and watched her chest go up and down as she breathed softly , still rubbing her shoulder until her eyes shut again and i heard little snores

*Y/N'S POV*

i woke up drained but feeling a little better , i was still in Bellas arms
I glanced over to the clock on the wall

2:47am

i looked up and was met with Bellas gorgeous chocolate brown eyes
"Bel..h-have you slept" i asked and she shook her head

"i needed to look after you sweet" she answered

A wave of guilt washed over me , she doesn't deserve me , Bellas given up so much for me.. me, a broken , hopeless , mess

"hun i would do anything for you , no matter how broken , your all i need and want in life , i just want to protect you" she said

i gathered the strength to sit up , i inhaled and decided i need to fix this and talk to her

"Bel i'm sorry i didn't intend to try and end it but after i promised i would try and stop cutting , i couldn't face you and decided to end it right there and then..i know it was a cowardly thing to do bu-" she cut me off

"it wasn't cowardly , your struggling right now sweetheart and i understand that its not easy to come and talk to me every time you feel as though you want to hurt yourself" -

"i asked you to try and stop and try and talk to me , and i know you fought , i know you tried not to do it again , but we all make mistakes from time to time..i just want to help you get better" she finished

i looked at the beauty sat under me and i felt so grateful to have her , she genuinely cared and wanted to help

"Bel i'm sorry ill try and let you help me from now on..i love you"

"i love you more y/n"

we just laid there in a comfortable silence , appreciating eachothers existence while Bellatrix played with my hear and held me close until , once again , we fell asleep

*A/N*
i really need u guys to comment some ideas for thisss im having such a strong urge to stop writing this and write a fanfic about cate blanchett ughhh

~h<3