Everyone has a reason {Bellatrix lestrange x female reader}

{TW} ~ Mission to the past

TW ~ mention of depressive state at the start and ED and SH later on

i was pulled out of my thoughts by Bella dragging my arm , the meeting was over and i had absolutely no idea what the fuck was going on .
"B-bella what was he saying ? a-about a mission?" i spluttered out , nervous due to the fact that i could've just agreed to a bloody suicide mission
"the boy , the 'chosen one'" she spat with disgust dripping from her mouth
"will be attending his first year of Hogwarts in September and he has given us the job of going undercover as 6th years , we must observe him and occasionally report back to the dark lord , but thats all that was said"  she explained

"w-what when are we going" i tried not to but i whispered it
i was nervous , the thought of going back to Hogwarts , i thought i had managed to escape that hell hole when i graduated last year

Bella didn't answer as she grabbed my wrist and without warning apparated back to the manor
"well we start when the students start so in about 3 weeks" she noticed the worry on my face
She places two fingers under my chin snd lifted my head up to make eye contact with me

"darling whats wrong ?" she asked

i detached my face from her grip and brought my gaze to the floor

i was replaying Hogwarts and the time i was there , the first 3 years were okay and i had a few friends but during fourth year everything going on at home and in my mind started taking a toll on me , i rarely ate and my grades were slipping , people made fun of me but it didn't bother me much , i just remember the feeling of waking up feeling drained and asking myself if i can even be bothered to live anymore , i would groggily get up , not caring for my appearance as much as i didn't care for my life , thats it , i was careless , careless with my life . I would trudge to class always 10 minutes late at the minimum , my friends began to worry when they noticed i hardly ate and hardly socialised , i should be grateful they cared really but honestly i didn't think about anything  , my mind was always empty apart from those negative thoughts . I never really managed to pull myself out of that hole , i just learnt to become more convincing when i was around people. Just then it hit me , how unwell i was and how Bella would constantly try and try and i knew deep down i was never going to get better.
*I'm a lost cause*
thats when i realised i had ignored Bellatrix and she was staring at me with a worried look

*BELLAS POV*
i asked y/n what was up with her and she just stood there silently looking at the ground but my head began to hurt and i saw flashes of bad memories and a surge of sadness washed over me as i realised they belonged to y/n.
I felt a pit in my stomach when for the first time ever i actually knew what she truly felt , i had unintentionally connected our emotions and i couldn't stop it , she was struggling , i knew that , but i had no idea how bad it was .

*im a lost cause*

thats when i decided to stop this before she got even more upset
"hey , hey .. no you are not a lost cause ! " i said sternly but in a reassuring way.
I lifted her chin up and smiled into her deep
y/e/c eyes .
"listen" i sighed "i will always take care of you and no matter what you think , you'll never be a lost cause , never in my eyes" i finished and her cheeks flushed a deep pink as she smiled back to me before nestling her head into the crook of my neck .

- - - *still Bella's POV*

7:24pm

Me and y/n were sat on my bed watching a film , she was snuggled into me in a small ball with her head resting on my stomach just under my chest , while i had one arm wrapped around her and was playing with her hair , she had fallen asleep long ago when the film started .
I was now onto the second film but i had no intention of waking her up for a good few minutes yet , her little breathes made my heart flutter whilst she had her arms clutching around my waist for dear life and her legs were brought up to her chest as her head snuggled into me and she tightened her grip .
I just couldn't believe how much i cared for her , i'm a murderer , i torture and kill people and find joy in it , i'm meant to be the infamous Bellatrix Black , cold blooded and evil , with no feelings . But yet i look down at her tiny frame and her gorgeous face and think about how soft i am with her , i mean.. i have to be , shes so mentally fragile i just couldn't ever bear the thought of hurting y/n.. my y/n.
I smiled slightly being lost in my thoughts before i realised we hadn't had dinner yet , so after pausing the film , i lightly shook y/n in an attempt to wake her .