Everyone has a reason {Bellatrix lestrange x female reader}

was it all false hope {TW}

TW ~ talk of self harm , panic attack/flashbacks , alcohol ?? , ED.

29th August 1989
*a week later*

Over the past few days , mine and Bellas training has begun to get more intense , shes been teaching me a lot more of her tactics such as knife throwing which i wont lie , is very fun but i'm awful at it .
My mental health has been getting better though.
sort of..
well..
actually..
its not.
Ive just been better at pushing it down , of course i don't binge at every meal but theres still the odd few times ya know ?  i haven't hurt myself for a couple days so i mean.. ? i'm still covering my arms at all times , i told Bella and Cissa its because i'm still insecure and makes me more comfortable, maybe its getting better ?
I don't know but for the moment , Bella thinks it is , shes happy and thats all that matters . Narcissa however , i'm not so sure , i feel as though she's catching on but choosing not to say anything , after the last time i've been careful not to get caught .
Maybe its not the best thing to be hiding it again because after all , thats what caused the whole argument last time .
Right now it's approximately 3am , its my birthday and i cant sleep , Bellatrix did fall deep asleep in my arms but over the last few hours I've distanced myself from her clutch .

I decided to go downstairs for a snack and a drink . This may be pushing myself because ,well I've always been too scared to actually have any snacks in between meals since starting to recover.
I desperately tried to walk quietly down the winding stairs , however this proved difficult because after every step i took , a small creek would come from each step before i made it to the bottom of the stairs and into the kitchen .
My eyes scanned the cupboards for what to have and i ended up hastily grabbing a small bag of mini pretzels .

I didn't want to eat upstairs next to Bella while she was sleeping so i sat on the sofa instead.
Ive never practiced much wandless magic before but i thought id give it a try by lighting the fire .
I focused my energy on the fireplace and with a swift flick of my hand , it lit .
*that was easier than expected* i thought
Quietly opening the bag of pretzels i brought one to my mouth and ate it . I will say they taste a lot better than i remember and before i knew it , my negative doubts had been pushed away as i began eating more .

{TW}

Half of the bag was empty when i stood up to go and put them away , but as i did , i caught a quick glimpse of the back of the packaging and froze .
*don't read it y/n*
*don't be stupid*
*theres no need to look at the calories*
I should've listened to myself but come one , we all know that i never listen to anyone.

10 minutes later i found myself tip toeing to the bathroom , horrible anxiety's filling my mind .
I rushed into the bathroom , not bothering to lock the door behind me or even take a minute to think.
*Narcissa's POV*
4:02am
I was awoke from hearing fast pacing foot steps rush past my room . I recognized them .
*what on earth is y/n doing up*
I groaned before pulling my satin sheets off of my body and slowly trudging to my door .
I opened the door a crack and peeked out , that was when i noticed y/n was gone but i know she hadn't gone into Bellas room as it was before mine . Funny thing is though the bathroom is at the end of the hall , next to my room .
*for fucks sake its not that big of deal , she probably just going to the toilet * i mentally scolded myself  for letting my curiosity get the better of me , i closed my door and began to get back into my bed , but thats when my thoughts started battling against one an other.
*but what if thats not it , what if shes doing it again*
*no! its 4am , she hasn't eaten*
I thought it best to just take a peek , you know , just incase y/n was in danger .
My head peered through the small opening of my door , i saw the bathroom door slightly cracked open so i stepped out of my bedroom , being sure not to make any noise .
But then my heart dropped when i heard soft gags and sobs .
I paced quickly towards the bathroom but before entering , i cast a simple silencing spell on the room .
I entered to bathroom to be met with y/n sitting on the floor , looking up at me with scared eyes .