The Santiago Cartel

Twenty-Six: Delivering the Pain

Chapter Twenty-Six: Delivering the Pain

Christon

You never truly know what a person is going through until it is too late. I had just ended a call with Carter. I wasn't sure how to approach the situation. Having to tell the person you love that their mother took her life. I couldn't begin to formulate the words.

I slightly shook Jen's shoulder trying to get her to wake up.

"Baby can you wake up for me?" I questioned while stroking her hair

I heard her mumble about just falling asleep and he sighed a little.

"Baby this is important. I wanna tell you- before you see that shit ma." I pleaded while shaking her shoulder once more.

I watched as she rolled over to face me.

"What's the matter Christon?" she questioned, while searching my face.

I know a look of worry was evident on my face. I cleared my throat unsure of how to tell her that her mother had taken her own life. I decided to be straight forward.

"Baby your mother took her life at some point this morning. Carter said he received a message around three this morning. Which was around the time you couldn't sleep." I replied.

It was extremely quiet after that. I guess she was attempting to process what I had just revealed to her. I looked at her as she grabbed her phone to check- but there wasn't anything. Then I saw the voicemail. I shook my head not thinking she would really leave her a voicemail.

I watched as she clicked the voicemail, and then the speaker.

Hi Jennifer

This is your mother. I wanted to tell you personally that I killed my granddaughter. I apologize for putting you through that pain-but money, greed, and jealousy forced me to make some mistakes that I pay for daily. I still hate Christon- and think you deserve better, but that is something I will have to deal with. I know he expected me to go to jail for what I did. However, taking my life is the better solution. I refuse to rot in a cell on the account of that bastard. Anyway, darling I love you! Christon I will see you in hell my dear.

There was a click and a loud bang. I was in complete shock. Why the fuck would you call your daughter to take your own life? What type of fuck shit is that? Who...I mean really. I watched as she pulled her knees to her chest and rocked herself back and forth.

"Babe" I called out- while reaching to pull her into me.

She held her hand up and shook her head back and forth.

"What's the matter Jenn?" I questioned, feeling confused.

"Don't fucking touch me Chris" she spat with tears coming down her face.

I wasn't sure what I did for her to be going off- but the look in her eyes scared the shit out of me.

"What did I do?" I asked making an effort to wipe her tears but it only resulted in her smacking my hand away.

"You said it was just natural. Things like this just happen. God wasn't ready for us to have a child. You fucking knew....you...you" her talking was cut short by her tears.

It hit me then. I knew exactly what she was hinting at. I immediately felt like shit for not saying anything.

"Baby I wanted her in jail before I became the bearer of bad news." I stated while reaching for her again

"But Chris she just fucking told me and killed herself in the same breath" she screamed at me.

She rolled her eyes

"And stop trying to fucking touch me before I slap the fuck out of you." she spat, while moving closer to the edge.

I wasn't sure if she was pissed that I didn't tell her, or if this whole situation was just too much for her.

I shook my head and blew out a breath.

"Baby come here please" I pleaded while looking over at her.

She shook her head no once again

I sat there and just stared at her wondering what was going through her head.

Jennifer

You know that moment when you feel like you've reached the brink of crazy and losing your damn mind...well I think I have lost it. I don't understand why God is punishing me this much. I try to do the right thing. He must really not like me at all. He can't- because he's been delivering painful blows after blow. I just want to be happy and smile. I stared into Chris eyes and I saw the hurt and pain, but what stood out to me was the fear.

"What are you afraid of?" I questioned while breaking the staring contest we had started

He inhaled and exhaled. He forgets that I can read him like a book. I know him better than himself at times.

"I'm losing you, and I have no control over it because you keep throwing your guard up. You cannot keep shutting me out. Everything that has happened these past months are things that you cannot control. God had the last say so in everything. I hate that you had to hear all that on top of your mom taking her life, but baby you take those stones and build. This isn't the Blue that I know or fell for. It is okay to grieve- but don't let grievance become you! You have to pick up the pieces and keep moving. None of this is your fault. God had a plan, still does- so do not lose your faith over circumstances that are out of your control. We'll have a baby again. And although you and Miranda could not fix your issues...she loved you, and you have all your memories to hold on to. Therefore, you have to make peace with all of this before we can move forward in life."

This sounded like a repeat of when we lost the baby- but it was what I needed to hear regardless of how I felt. I felt the tears coming again, and I just let them fall. Chris's figure started to blur, and my even breathing turned into hyper-ventilation. I wasn't sure when- but I felt his arms wrap around me. I let go of my urge to fight him, and took the much needed comfort.

I'm praying things look up from now on....

Hey babies! I fought with this chapter. I still dislike this chapter a lot-but I hope you guys enjoy it! I have to move in two weeks...my school decided they no longer wanted to lease the apartment complex I lived in as housing. I hope I get housing at an apartment that I actually like. So now I have to pack and move before Spring Break comes....fun! Excuse any mistakes. C.Pacino :)