Chapter 25
"Are you sure that you're fine?"
"Yeah." hilaw kong saad.
We are at the library. He's busy with his laptop and I'm staring at this damn printed readings.
"Go back to your senses, Jenim. It's almost finals, kailangan mo ng mag-seryoso." sabi pa niya.
"I'm trying, Dave." I unexpectedly shed a tear.
Dali-dali ko itong pinunasan kaso huli na nang nakita ito ni Dave. Agad siyang tumayo sa kinauupuan niya at tumabi sa akin. He offered me his handkerchief that made my cry even more.
"As much as I want to say that you should take a break, I can't. I cant just say that "move on" because healing takes time and I know that. May mga bagay kasi na hindi ko magawan ng paraan." sabi pa niya.
I nodded. "Okay lang."
"Papalapit na ang finals at wala akong magagawa para sa'yo sa mga araw na 'yon. Those days, it'll be ourselves that we have. We'll go for our dreams, right?"
I nodded once more.
"Let's grab something before we're going to continue studying." he said.
Without a word, I immediately fixed my stuffs and stood up. I don't know what am I feeling. Para na akong tanga.
Dave and I walked. We don't have any classes left for the day because the professors are having an assembly. I already quit my part-time job, I can't manage it.
I don't know how long we walked but, we ended at this small shop that sells pizza. Pumasok kaming dalawa ni Dave at pina-upo niya ako. He went to the counter and bought something. He's back with two large slices pizza. He gave me one and I accepted it.
Both of us started eating.
"How are you feeling?" he asked.
"I don't know." I asnwered.
"Come on, Jenim. It's been like a month, hindi naman masama na ilabas mo ang nararamdaman mo."
"I don't know how to put it into words." I said.
"Edi, iiyak mo. Ewan ko sa inyong dalawa, 'yong isa naman, sinasarili rin."
"Don't bring him up." I said.
"Oh! Sorry."
Hindi ko siya pinansin at kumain na lamang.
"Ano ba kasing nangyari? Narinig ko sa mga maid at guard na bigla ka nalang daw naglakad papalabas ng bahay at tumakbo ka pa sa gitna ng ulan. Buti nalang at hindi ka nagkasakit."
"We broke up." I said in a small voice.
"Obvious naman. Bakit?"
"I can't contain it anymore and it wasn't working. I can't handle a man who can't communicate."
"Busy si Mazro, Jenim, at akala ko naiintindihan mo 'yon." Dave said.
"No, Dave. If he really wanted to communicate, he can make a way. Kahit simpleng text ba ay makakasira sa schedule niya?"
"That's up to you. If you can't handle it, then maybe it was a good choice that you made. There's no point of making yourself suffer." wika ni Dave.
I took a bite.
"That was what I was thinking when I ended everything. Akala ko madali lang. I've suffered long enough and thought that it'll be nothing. Hindi ko na alam ang mga nararamdaman ko ngayon." I said.
"Maybe you thought that when communication fades, feelings follows but, your feelings didn't follow, right?"
That caught me. Hindi nga ba talaga ako nawalan ng nararamdaman para sa kanya?
"So, it was just an obstacle both of you failed to overcome--"
"I was hurting, Dave! May mga araw na napaisip ako kung naaalala niya pa ba ako. Unhappy days were there." I said at hindi na napigilang maiyak.
"Of course you were hurting and of course there we're unhappy days."
Tiningnan ko siya ng puno ng pagtataka sa sinabi niya. Was that suppose to mean that what I felt was normal?
"Anong akala mo sa pag-ibig? Puro kasayahan lang? With great happiness comes with something in exchange. Destiny was just challenging the both of you, in exchange of all those happiness you felt." he added.
I cried.
"Hindi mo man lang ba naisip 'yong mga araw na masaya kayo? Mga araw na pinapaboran kayo ng panahon? Sa mga panahong iba naman ang pinapaboran, you should've stayed still and waited for your turn to come again. Afterall, a relationship contains ups and downs." said by Dave.
"Was I stupid? Ang tanga ko ba kung bakit ako sumuko agad?" naiiyak kong tanong sa kanya.
"Hindi, Jenim. Sigurado akong may rason ka kung bakit ka umabot sa puntong 'yon." he paused. "I'm sorry if I made you feel that way."
Patuloy lang ako pag-iyak. Dave asked the waiter for a glass of water.
"Here, uminom ka muna." he said and offered me the water.
I drank it.
"Both of you made mistakes. Siguro kung nag-usap kayo ng masinsinan, hindi umabot sa ganitong punto. Now that everything's over, we cant bring back the time. Move on." he said.
"Ang hirap, Dave. Everything reminds me of him. We spent almost four goddamn years together."
"Ang daming pwedeng gawin kaso hindi tama, Jenim. One of those is quitting his career and be with you but, that's his dream and it's brutal if you take it away from him."
"He was willing to do it but, I stopped him. It's better to feel this pain than the guilt it will bring if he'd give it all up for me." sabi ko.
"Ang gulo ng sitwasyon niyo. Siguro ngang tama ang ginagawa mo, wala naman talagang may alam. It's better if the both of you will heal from those pains you got when you were together. Being in love is hell complicated, it's scaring me."
"Yeah, healing takes the priority. Thank you for everything you did to me. For doing my activities, complying projects, and stuffs these past few weeks. Salamat at hindi mo ako iniwan." I said to him.
"I got your back, always." he said.
"Thank you. I will pay you back one of these days." I said.
"Your recovery will be enough payment. Focus on yourself, sigurado akong hindi ka magsisisi."
"Salamat, Dave. I can't thank you enough."
I wiped the tears off my face.
He smiled.
"Kapag balang araw ay papaboran na kayo ng panahon, sana hindi pa huli ang lahat."
^_^
