Broken Translations

Ogres are like onions (from Shrek)

Originally written by Ted Elliott, Terry Rossio, Joe Stillman and Roger S. H. Schulman.
Google Translated by @SteamFan3830.

Okay, so let me get this straight. You're gonna go fight a dragon, and rescue a princess just so Farquaad will give you back a swamp, which you only don't have because he filled it full of freaks in the first place. Is that about right?
We'll. Fight the dragon and save the prince; as a result, it will satisfy some believers by sending them back to invisible waters. I am fine

You know what? Maybe there's a good reason donkeys shouldn't talk.
You know he didn't say he had a good reason.

I don't get it, Shrek. Why don't you just pull some of that ogre stuff on him? Throttle him, lay siege to his fortress, grind his bones to make your bread. The whole ogre trip.
I can't hear her. Why are you letting things go? They attract you to bake bread, and others turn and break your bones. Great Google tour.

Oh, I know what. Maybe I could have decapitated an entire village, and put their heads on a pike, gotten a knife, cut open their spleen and drink their fluids. Does that sound good to you?
Oh, I know what he's saying. They could tear down cities, collect people's heads, find knives, throw garbage and drink water. Do you like it

Uh, no, not really, no.
enough

For your information, there's a lot more to ogres than people think.
Information about how people think

Example?
eg?

Example? Okay, um, ogres are like onions.
eg? Trees love onions.

They stink?
Do you smell it?

Yes-No!
I am fine

They make you cry?
when she cries

No!
Burning!

You leave them out in the sun, they get all brown, start sproutin' little white hairs.
Take it and it will turn brown and start to grow a little white hair.

No! Layers! Onions have layers. Ogres have layers. Onions have layers. You get it? We both have layers.
Burning! Parts are made of metal. There are several layers of grass. It's onion slices. Remember that we are all part of it.

Oh, you both have layers. Oh. You know, not everybody likes onions. Cakes! Everybody loves cakes! Cakes have layers.
You all have ambitions. You know, not everyone likes onions. Everyone loves cookies. The cake is covered.

I don't care what everyone likes. Ogres. Are not. Like cakes.
Not everyone likes what they want. Farmers don't like cookies.

You know what else everybody likes? Parfaits. Have you ever met a person, you say, "Hey, let's get some parfait," they say, "No, I don't like parfait"? Parfaits are delicious.
Do you know what everyone wants? No one said, "Hey, paraffin." "No, I don't like paraffin." The fun is great.

No! You dense, irritating, miniature beast of burden! Ogres are like onions! End of story. Bye-bye. See ya later.
Burning! Your pet is a frustrating little product. The lid resembles a gate. Visual effect.

Parfaits may be the most delicious thing on the whole dang planet.
Diligence is the cutest thing there is.

You know, I think preferred your humming.
You know, I think they're a good target.

Do you have a tissue or something? I'm making a mess. Just the word parfait makes me start slobbering.
Do you have a towel? I can't hear her. Like Perfit, he wants to be with us.