Seventeen Imagines

37: On My Back

"Paano natin maibabalik ang buhay ng isang tao?" i whisper.

Crying silently in front of the grave. I still can't accept what happened to you. What happened to you before you lost your breath is always imprinted in my heart and mind. It's still hurts.

I can clearly see the pain in your eyes even years have passed. It hurts me to see my son suffer, catching his breath. I can't help, but watch you and your mom being rescued by the doctors.

Para bang nadurog ang puso ko ng marinig ko ang martinis na tunog mula sa makina. Nakahimlay sa malamig na kama, wala ng malay. Tanging hagulgol lang namin ang naririnig sa kwartong 'yon.

Sinisisi ko ang sarili ko dahil wala akong magawa para lang mabuhay ka ng matagal. Nasasaktan akong makita kang nahihirapan at para bang humihingi ng tulong sa amin.

Isang mahigpit na yakap ang binigay ko sayo noon n'ong nawala kana. Isang timbang luha ang naipon ko kakaiyak.

Paulit ulit pa noong pumapasok sa isip ko ang mga bawat salita niya. I will not forget your first word. Your mom called me when i'm busy at work. You call me dada that time as i almost jump on my seat.

Days and years have passed i still remember that i carry you on my back, Cygnus. Our days filled with your laughs and smile. I will never get tired of riding you on my back and wandering around the park.

Through the hard times and good times i'm still here on your side. Carrying you around, a smile tattooed on your face while seeing those flowers on the park.

How can i complete my day when you're not by my side?

Your sweet smile makes my day complete. All my stress disappears when you meet me at the door and give me a warm hug. You shouts "daddy" and you showers me all you love you had.

"Cygnus, anak miss na miss kana namin ni daddy mo" you said, a tear fell on your cheeks while saying each word.

"Dapat binigay mo nalang kay daddy yung sakit mo" sambit ko. "Daddy can handle that para hindi kana mahirapan" dagdag ko.

Ang sakit sakit na malaman mong wala na yung kaisa isa mong anak. All those memories keeps popping up in my mind. Bawat masasayang alaala ay may kapalit na lungkot at sakit.

"I keep the promise" i smiled.

Kinuha ko bag ko at nilabas ang isang kahon na naglalaman ng laruan. Yung gusto niyang ipabiling laruan noon. Umiyak pa siya noon dahil hindi namin siya mabilhan ng laruan. I made a promise to him na ibibili ko siya at doble ang ibibigay ko.

"Look oh, the car that you want" nilapag ko ang laruang kotse sa tabi ng mga bulaklak "Daddy made it triple for you"

Napalingon ako sayo ng mag salita ka at sikuhin ang braso ko. "Nilagay mo pa diyan yung laruan ng anak mo baka may kumuha niyan"

"Wala naman sigurong kukuha niyan" sambit ko.

I feel your head resting on my shoulder. "Kapag buhay ngayon si Cygnus ano kayang ginagawa natin ngayon?" you asked.

Napabuntong hininga ako at tumingin sa langit. Maaliwalas at maulap na langit. Kulay bughaw kasama ng mga punong luntian. Ang sikat ng araw ay parang ngiti mo lang, maliwanag.

"Siguro nakasakay na naman siya sa likod ko" i chuckled.

Every cry of yours, every laugh of yours is always imprinted on my head. I really missed you.

Every day and night I always think of you. Before going to sleep, waking up, before eating, i always think of you.

"Mommy, Daddy, I love you" your voice echoed on my ear. I can't help myself to cry again. Tears falling down on my cheeks.

"I love you, my prince" i mumbled, looking up to the blue sky.