Forgiveness

VIII. Without him

8.1. More confrontations

"I'll be right back, guys." Sam nods at my words and Bucky just glances at me, the annoyance evident in his eyes. Taking a deep breath I head to catch up with The Dora Milaje before they leave. Ayo notices me and waits for me to reach her.

"I'm sorry for the trouble, Ayo. Walker shouldn't have meddled." She eyes me with a smile. I couldn't decipher whether she was angry at me for losing Zemo or if she looked at me with pity for the situation I was in. Whichever it was it made me look away.

"That was not your fault. The one you desperately try to protect, however seems to have fled." The tone of accusation is evident and I sigh, almost not noticing the words Ayo used to describe Zemo. It's not like I could really blame him for running. Between Walker and The Dora Milaje his options didn't seem all that great. I wanted to keep him free as long as I could perhaps mostly for selfish reasons, but I knew that couldn't go on much longer. Whatever happened and wherever he ended up I was going to be there. We weren't going to get separated this time. Even if that meant I was to go with him.

"Ayo, I'll bring him to you. But on my terms, that's all I ask." Uncertainty is written all over Ayo's face, but slowly she nods, giving me one last chance. I knew I was asking a lot from her and I was hoping Zemo truly had meant it when he said if I wanted to I'd know where to find him.

"This is your final chance, silver lioness." The nickname brings back memories of the time Bucky and I spent in Wakanda. I don't know who started it, I think a part of it was due to the fact the children there loved to look at my silver rings and ask me about them. I pretty much never took them off even when fighting or just training. Then at some point after training with the Dora Milaje, Ayo had said I had the spirit of a lioness and the nickname started going around. Giving her a smile of gratitude I hold her hand for a few moments.

(A/N: I hope you like the nickname 😆 I wanted it to be unique but I wasn't sure if it sounded okay.)

Ayo joins the rest of the Dora Milaje as they leave and without any desire to do so I head back to Bucky and Sam who are waiting for me. Here comes the confrontation.

"So much for "He cares about me." Rolling my eyes at Bucky's words I don't reply. Was he being serious right now? We had bigger problems to deal with at the moment. "He ran the first chance he got."

"Are you done?" The question comes off more bitter than I had intended, but I didn't apologize for it. We had to find a way to stop whatever Karli was planning and wasting time arguing about Zemo and I again seemed pointless.

"Did you know he was going to leave?" Bucky's voice rose slightly and his tone was laced with slight judgement.

"What, no! Did that whole situation seem to go as if by a plan to you? Why are you talking to me like I'm the enemy when we have other things to deal with right now." Honesty I thought Bucky had gotten past whatever issues he had with Zemo and I but apparently not. I don't know if it was because things didn't go as planned or they didn't end up like he'd intended them too, but he was clearly unhappy with the results. It's not like Zemo was on a revenge path again, he just didn't want to go back to prison. Even though perhaps it was inevitable at the very least it was his self-preservation that drove him to run. Or maybe (as I was hoping) he wanted to do something before that time came. And if he was planning to go where I thought then at least I could find him before anyone else did.

"You two have been hiding who knows how much, how am I supposed to know he didn't share his escape plan with you?"That was it. The final straw. Letting out a sigh of frustration I glared at Bucky. Apparently we hadn't cleared all of our issues. Or maybe he was just agitated because of everything that had happened recently and Walker. Whatever it was he wasn't being fair. Yes I had hidden things, but it wasn't because I wanted to hurt him, I was just waiting for the right time. He of all people should understand trusting people with the most intimate thoughts and feelings you have isn't easy.

"Oh seriously, Buck! If we're really doing going to talk about secrets, then fine, where the hell are my letters?" Bucky freezes and Sam looks at the two of us confused.

"Letters? What are you talking about?" Taking a deep breath I look at Bucky expectantly. Fine, if he wanted to talk we'd talk, but I wasn't the only one who had hidden things from the other person.

"Zemo sent me letters while in prison. Someone didn't think to tell me about them." Guilt. That's what can be seen in Bucky's eyes as he frowns and looks at me apologetically. Oh so now he was sorry.

"I was trying to protect you. You were miserable after everything that happened and I didn't think memories of that period of your life would really help." He sounds sincere, but I still felt lied to and betrayed.

"That wasn't for you to decide. I know you wish to keep me safe but I want them back." Bucky stays silent for a few moments as if gathering his thoughts and then nods.

"I'll give them to you when this is over. Y/N...I'm sorry." The sudden change in mood makes me raise an eyebrow. Was he just trying to evade conflict or did he honestly just lose his temper and wasn't all that angry with me?

"We can't keep arguing like this, Bucky. As I told you before you're my best friend and I can't imagine being in a constant conflict with you." He nods and I continue. "I...really care about Zemo and I know you're aggravated with all that's been going on, but he wouldn't abandon me. When we're done here I know where to find him, he won't disappear, please trust me on that." Sam once again glances at each of us, probably hoping we were finally done fighting. Which I was hoping was the case as well.

"Okay, fine I can do that. I trust you. I'm sorry for all the times I was angry at you for it. I know I shouldn't have kept the letters and made that deduction for you, I was only doing what I thought was best." Nodding I smile. Finally we agreed.

"I forgive you, Buck. I'll admit it really hurt once I found out and I don't know if I'll right now be over some of the things we've argued about, but thank you for saying that. I'm sorry as well." Bucky and I share a short hug, after which Sam sighs loudly.

"Finally, took you long enough." Chuckling I lightly push his shoulder. Sam laughs and the three of us set out to go after Karli again.

However our planning was interrupted by Sam's sister calling him in distress. Apparently Karli had called her and threatened her and her kids. Sam instructed her to hide and promised he wouldn't let anything happen to them.

"Karli wants to talk to me alone." I raise an eyebrow, but before I can ask anything my phone chimes. Weird. Why was one of my only real friends at the FBI calling me right now? It all seemed too much of a coincidence so I immediately pick up.

"Ruth? What's wrong?" Sam and Bucky watch me intently as I answer the call. It wasn't like I really talked about my actual job all that much. My FBI team and I weren't all that close, we just did our job. A job that to be honest I wasn't sure I liked, but it allowed me to help people and that had been enough to help me feel more normal during the months after the final fight with the Avengers. Ruth was the only person who I was close to and talked to outside of work, but I hadn't told Bucky or Sam a lot about her. Just that she was a friend from work.

"That girl on the news...Karli. She left a message at your office."

"What did she want?"

"She said as a fellow female super soldier, who life hasn't been all that fair to you should understand her actions. She wants to talk to you about a proposal, if you don't go they're threatening to attack our building." Thanking Ruth for telling me I hang up. What the hell was Karli trying to do threatening Sam's family and my colleagues? Whatever she wanted I wasn't about to join her crusade. But of course I couldn't put innocent people in danger just because of my involvement in this so I had no choice but to go with Sam and talk to Karli.

"Well, Sam, looks like you aren't the only one Karli wants a chat with. Let's go."

A/N: Ahhh finally I'm here hehe. Updates may be slower than at the beginning but I've gotten a little more busy these days and I prefer quality over trying to rush them so I hope you like this chapter ❤️