"Shower Thoughts"

I'm back...in the closet?

Okay, so a lot of things have happened since i last opened this book. I am genderfluid but since i feel enby most of the time, i changed my pronouns to they/them but i still present as female. I've been questioning and frequently suffering dysphoria (on what i've come to recognise as masc days, though i just thought i was being irrational) for the past 5 years. 

I've been taking steps to reduce my anxiety - my brain processes exams as traumatic events, so it doesn't remember anything from during the exam when i want to revisit it later, and it also kind of shuts down so i don't see mistakes when i go back after i'm done writing. I've also been working on my time management and my scheduling and my studies and my sensory processing issues. I've been seeing a therapist and it's going well so far.

But, the last session we had, her queerphobia shined through. She basically told me I was just curious and thought my (non-existent) low self-esteem made me want to stand out so i could have the attention i was craving. BITCH YOU THOUGHT. 

I can't even change therapists now cause that would mean having to come out to my parents and i'm not ready to do that. Anyways. Hope y'all are doing okay, or at least working towards happiness. I wish y'all a wonderful life ahead and hopefully, i'll start writing for this again, but i'm not sure i have it in me to articulate as wonderfully as i had been able to.