Goodbyes hurt

Chapter 38

Jimin waited for Jungkook in his room,he was picking up Jimin for the Jeju trip they had planned but Jimin hadn't even packed up.Jimin wanted to come clean yet his head was in a constant debate to whether he should tell Jungkook everything that was happening,call off the trip or if he should just get away from the university for a bit and distract himself until he could sort his feelings out.He just didn't know,there was nothing he knows anymore.Kept in the dark the whole time, life hanging infront of him with all of these incidents and, all Jimin could do was just sit here and wait.Let life take him the way it wants since whatever he wishes for was not coming to him anyway.Yet Jimin still felt all kind of emotions rolling in the pit of his stomach and on top of that list was guilt as he waits for Jungkook.

Guilty for kissing someone other than his boyfriend,Guilty for wanting someone else.The knock on the door pulled Jimin out of the reverie and he tilted his head to get rid of the sore muscles on his neck.
"Coming",His feeble voice barely made it out of the room and he turned the handle to reveal Jungkook  by the threashold,Jimin stepped aside and let him in.

There was a silence and Jimin ran his tongue over his lips and watched Jungkook taking a seat on the empty bed, Taehyung's bed.Jimin pulled up the last of his courage and said,"we need to talk"
And he was expecting Jungkook to be surprised or confused but Jungkook just let out a sigh like he had been waiting for it and his words only confused Jimin further,"Yeah,we do"

Jimin's mouth slightly parted in surprise and Jungkook continued,"Can I go first?"
Jimin obliged humming a response and taking a seat across Jungkook,on his own bed.
"We should ..no,I am breaking up with you, hyung",Jungkook said,his eyes trained onto the floor.The eldest was taken back,furrowing his brows and continuing to look at the other.Jimin could clearly understand the younger was struggling.

"Jungkook-",Jimin started but Jungkook wasn't welcoming a response from him,not yet because he cut in through,"No,hyung..let me..This must seem out of the blue but I have given it a lot of thought.. too much actually",Jungkook said and sighed before straightening up.

"I still love you..so much", Jungkook let out a painful chuckle,"I really do but you don't ..",Jungkook sounded like he was carefully choosing words,"you don't seem to love me just as much"
Jimin wanted to deny that and Jungkook would have loved it if Jimin denied that but the last day's conversation with Jisoo had left him with more doubts than solutions.And he found himself asking the weirdest question,"Why-?"
Jungkook finally raised his head and met Jimin's eyes,"First it was just a hunch..a stupid feeling that I wanted to believe wasn't true but the more I kept thinking,feeling it ..everything was becoming clearer.And I don't want us to continue where one of us is not satisfied,one of us feel obliged to be in this"

Jungkook's lips turned thin and then he sighed,"You should go..look for Taehyung hyung,you know" and that threw Jimin against the floor,he was shocked indeed but then Jungkook continued,"I knew Taehyungie hyung loved you from Busan,I lied that I don't remember who the guy was cause I was selfish about you.I knew Taehyungie hyung still loved you but I didn't care cause I thought as long as you weren't in love with him,it doesn't matter.But then I..I must be a fool,cause I saw it slowly..I caught up to things I didn't want to know.You were mine but then I saw..I saw how your eyes light up whenever he comes around,how instantly he was able to make your feelings shift,I saw you hurt when a day goes without him talking to you and a mere mention of his name,you'd talk about all those memories I wish I was part of..And then I blamed it all on Taehyungie hyung cause he didn't confess,he didn't tell you anything.If he cared that much,he should have but I don't know,hyung,at the end of the day I just felt guilty.Maybe you didn't realize it but it was so wrong when I understood it and didn't tell you.I realized you were in love with him", Jungkook came down onto kneel infront of Jimin,a hand perched over Jimin's knees,"I am sorry..I am sorry that I tried so hard but still couldn't make you happy as he could.I know you'll be happy with him than you've ever been with me.I can't be selfish when you matter the most to me so am letting you go"

With that he leant forward to hug a devastated Jimin and Jimin looked up at Jungkook as he withdrew and stood up,"It's a Goodbye,hyung",For a second he looked unsure of what to do,"I am happy for the times we spend together..Stay happy,hyung" and then he was gone.Jimin was still sitting on the bed,not really knowing what to do.His words he wanted to speak still left hanging around and now useless.Yet Jimin couldn't cry, he was hurt a lot and he could feel his heart breaking too but everything piled up over his heart,weighing him down and drowning him into the deepest abyss.

And Jungkook couldn't turn around to look at the door he just closed behind him.He leant against the wall,a hand clutched over his chest trying to save his heart from breaking into a million pieces.He was supposed to feel better,he knows he did the right thing but not a cell in his body was devoid of the pain.But Jungkook was  just a human too,He couldn't have deceived himself,denied, he couldn't have turned a blind eye to everything.He hated how be couldn't write it off as assumption cause he could pick out moments,feelings,places and things ,he had watched them growing apart,or maybe realized Jimin didn't love him the way he did.

He had seen that no matter what Jimin did or said,his eyes never lied.Jungkook didn't watch the play,his eyes were on Jimin,his heart breaking and making up in a painful circle.Jungkook could never forget how he watched Jimin's back walking away for the ride to Yeouido in hopes and excitement yet he wanted to try one more time cause he was foolish like that.But the last nail hit when his hands were frozen on that white door that lead him into the hospital room.The broken whimpers from Jimin and the story Mrs.Park just finished telling still ringing in his head.

How could Jungkook even Justify everything anymore when he knows the truth now that Taehyung had confessed and how could he keep lying to Jimin that he had not figured it all out.Jungkook wanted Jimin to be happy,even if it meant he will lose him.
Because Jungkook loved him enough to let him go..and that was the most purest form of it all.

Jungkook walked away.

A/n: I got down with fever and the worst headache of the century but I had to upload..
Also thoughts?