Goodbyes hurt

Chapter 37

It was raining cats and dogs,Seoul seemed to be mourning her beloved.Dark grey clouds refused to move away from the canopy no matter how strong the winds were and Jimin could say the same about his heart.Jimin had not actually slept at all if someone were to ask how last night went.That had went on for a couple of days already.Jimin wasn't necessarily crying all night or anything,more like he was just numb,like he couldn't feel anything anymore.He knew there was a mental breakdown or outburst prodding at the surface of his calm exterior.After the rally of tears that drenched Taehyung's letter inside out ,he couldn't cry anymore.

Eyes and throat dry alike,now he was just drained of all emotions.He had dressed up the next day,went to his morning classes,took early lunches,showed up for his dance practice and tired himself out in the deserted studio and he..he just lived.Jimin had religiously ignored both Jisoo's and his mother's calls,he wasn't sure what he would even say if he picked up either.He was angry,sad and frustrated,so many emotions wrapped up tight and he doesn't want to hurt anyone with his words so he decided he'd wait till the pain and anger simmers down and Jisoo was willing to wait,She understood it  and left a message that she'd be there when he'd be ready to talk.He doesn't want to talk to his mom yet,no matter what justification his other side of the brain presented,he couldn't just yet do it.

As for Jungkook,Jimin was just busy ,a little too busy and he appreciated that Jungkook was a texter and Jungkook only asked him to call up when he would be a bit free but Jimin was not ever free.How can he be when he was purposefully keeping himself busy.A part of him wanted to call Taehyung but what would he even say.Does he apologize? Does he ask him to come back? On what grounds,what feelings? So he deleted Taehyung's contact instead and let it rest so that he doesn't do anything impulsively.

Two days later,Jimin found himself walking into his practice room to see Hoseok and Yoongi sharing a lovely moment.He was just about to walk out when Hoseok called him over and waved cheerfully.Yoongi said his goodbyes real quick,not forgetting to let Hoseok give him a peck that he promised to return later.Jimin blocked his way when he was just at the door.Yoongi sighed and held Jimin's eye,"What?"

"I wanna talk", Jimin's voice came hoarse for not having spoken for a long while.
"I don't",Yoongi shoved Jimin aside and was out the door and Yoongi half-expected Jimin to chase him but he didn't.He must have learnt not to from the last two encounters they had this week.Hoseok looked between them apologetically but Jimin just gave him a tight lipped smile.He threw an arm around Jimin and pulled him to sit on a bench nearby.
"How are you?", Hoseok's question was as expected and Jimin had a ready-made answer too," am fine".There was silence and Jimin looked up at Hoseok's face.He held that sad smile..like he knew what was Jimin going through.Jimin hated how most of his friends can figure him out easily.

"I'll be fine,hyung",Jimin corrected himself and Hoseok let out a heavy breath,"And how exactly  are you planning to do that? Like this?",Hoseok gestured to all of Jimin and Jimin was supposed to feel offended but he couldn't help a smile on his lips.Ofcourse this wasn't working,ofcourse he needs someone but he was too stubborn to admit that.Hoseok easily read his thoughts,"I've been watching you these past days and you are only getting worse.I don't know anything about what happened and Yoongi hyung doesn't let me know much either but I know you..I know you are hurt and hiding everything is not going to help"

"Hyung-"

"Go see Jisoo,at least, please.She is just as hurt.Like you,she has lost a friend too and is scared that she is losing another.Namjoon looked so worried",Hoseok watched the slight shift in Jimin's posture and knew he was finally getting through to the boy,"Go talk to her,am sure she's waiting impatiently"
Hoseok pushed the bag into Jimin's hand and said,"Share some pain,you'll feel better"

-

Jimin had no idea why he had ended up listening to Hoseok's advice and was standing infront of Namjoon's and Jisoo's shared apartment but there he was.Namjoon was just as surprised and was frozen for half a minute before stepping aside and letting Jimin in.
"You usually don't knock",Namjoon remembered the umpteen times Jimin had barged in on them and Jimin just shrugged,"Didn't feel like it"

"She's in the room",Namjoon pointed to their right,"I am going for a walk.Stay for dinner,I'll get something"
And then he was out the door.

"Hey"
Jimin turned around to see Jisoo at the bedroom door,in her oversized sweater that she wears only when she is down,that was a sign for her close ones to hug her if they find her in it and Jimin smiled at that thought.He opened his arms to her and she was quick to hug him and the duo just stood there,wrapping arms around each other.A sign of reassurance and unspoken words in between.Once they had settled down and had conversations,Jimin choosing not to tell Jisoo what actually happened 5 years ago,they went on.It was awkward,yes! But they worked their way through just fine.

"I know why he left",Jimin said ,out of the blue and Jisoo wasn't really sure if she should ask and Jimin followed the silence,"I scared him away"
Jisoo furrowed her eyebrows with a curious look etched all over,"I don't understand"

"That night at Yeouido..I kissed him",Jimin said and Jisoo's mouth slightly parted in surprise.She rubbed her temples and asked,"You kissed him? I don't understand but Jimin-"

"I didn't know what had gotten into me and he was right there and I just-"
Jisoo nodded her head,not really sure if she understood and Jimin continued,"I wanted to take care of him,be there for him.I don't know in what sense..but I just can't live without him.I feel like -",Jimin stopped and waved his hand in the air frustratedly,"like I wanna hold him.I wanted to kiss him,hug him,sleep with him,cuddle him and shit..I wanted to do so many things but I don't know what to name it..these feelings"
"You have a boyfriend,Jimin",It wasn't necessarily a reminder but just a statement,a wary statement to ground a shaking Jimin.

"I have a boyfriend",Jimin repeated.

"Jimin,be honest with me",Jisoo leant forward to be closer to Jimin.Jimin raised his head and met her eyes.
"Do you really have feelings for Jungkook or was he just a rebound untill Taehyung shows up?"

Jimin wasn't sure if he heard it right,he tilted his head,"Taehyung was supposed to never show up"
Jisoo agreed to that, Taehyung wasn't supposed to show up at all.They never expected his arrival and not in the mid of the fall semester at that.
"But he showed up anyway and you have to ask yourself now 'who is Jungkook to you' ,Jimin? Think outside the label you gave him as 'boyfriend' .And am not saying this so you could go find Taehyung,you shouldn't.I am saying this cause I don't want to see Jungkook hurt in between.He is too nice of a guy"
"He is"

Jisoo patted lightly on his shoulders as Jimin stared intently at the carpet,trying to study it's patterns.

A/n : just came back from Jimin live..am so grateful,I cried immediately.
I have been going through some sh!t these days and trying to survive somehow..but ha, tomorrow's my birthday though so survived 26 years I suppose..

Anyway thoughts?
We are almost at the end