Only One Weasley For Me

To Much Guilt

Fred

Once Lillith left so did Ron.

I hate the feeling of guilt but I just hurt two extremely important people. Even worse for the other things going on in the works.

I stood up and walked to my room. I feel like punching something or somone. I turn sharply and throw a hard punch at the wall. I do this for awhile.

I kept going till I felt a warm ooz going down my wrist. I look and notice my knuckles are bleeding. I deserve it.

I wipe my nuckles on my shirt. I walk to my desk and sit down. I open the drawer and pull out my journal and feather.

I pull out the ink and dip my feather in it. I begin to write everything that's on my mind.

I hate the things I've done in the past but I can't get a time turner so not like I can fix them. A long while back everyone was having a party. So I went and ended up getting pretty drunk. All I remember is getting pissed about something. Then I woke in bed with Hermione. I've felt guilt about since but we promised not to speak of it. I was dreading her answer to Lilliths question. I knew Ron fancied her that's why I've been so guilty about it. But now Lillith is a whole different situation. Her and Hermione have been close since they met. So now she hates me because I slept with one of her closest friends. Bloody hell. I never asked how Hermione felt about it. I wanted to get the situation forgotten about. What I didn't know was I was her first time. I kinda suspected it but never asked. I've done something way worse then just that as well. I can't even bring myself to talk about it. Not like I don't have feelings for her. I do. And I have for bloody years. But George and I need this.

Once I finished writing I placed my journal back in my drawer. I put my face in my palms and let out a shakey breath. I stood up finally and placed my hand on the chair.

I stopped for a moment before I picked it up. I looked at it for a minute. Thought about it. Then threw it at the wall making the legs break. I picked it up again and slammed it on the floor.

This made the back rest and seat break apart. I picked up the back rest and threw it at my dresser. "FUCK." I yelled at the top of my lungs.

I walked over to the end of my bed and sat down at the edge. I slouched over placing my elbows on my knees.

I was finally getting her. I even got to kiss her. And cuddle with her. I felt tears pricking at my eyes. I quickly blinked them away.

The door swung open and I didn't even bother to look up.

"Looks like I don't have to beat him. He's doing it himself." I hard Lee say. I heard the door click so I assumed I was alone. Then I felt my bed dip next to me.

I turn and saw George. He has a sorrowful kind of look on his face. He also looked angry. I kinda got the hint he was trying not to choose sides. But he should be on Ron's and Lillith's I wouldn't even be mad at him.

"I need to get her back." I said barely above a whisper.

"Yeah. But that's going to take time after that. Mom sent Hermione home after that." George said with a laugh at the end. I could tell he found it amusing.

"How's Ron?" I asked sitting up. "He's trying to understand it I think? I don't really know. He's only really talking to Lillith." he said looking at the floor.

"And her?" I asked biting the inside of my cheek. "Uhm I think she's trying to forget about it and be there for Ron." he said bluntly.

I only nodded.

"You should erm fix the blood. I can take care of the chair.." George said while patting my back. I nodded and stood up.

I walked to the bathroom. I kept my head low avoiding contact with the mirror. I don't want to look at myself. I turned the sink on. I let the water run over my hands as I watched the blood run off.

I opened the medicine cabinet grabing out an ointment and bandages. I opened the ointment and applied it to my hands. It stung a little but I didn't mind.

I grabbed the bandages wrapping it around my hand. Once I finished I shook my hand a little. I then put everything back. I closed the cabinet.

I started my walk back to my room. I dragged my feet against the creaky steps. I finally made it to my room. I opened the door and just layed down in bed.

I closed my eyes.

I opened them to look at the time. It was 11:30 and I hadn't gotten an ounce of sleep.

I close them again.

I open them.

12:15

I close them.

I open them.

1:30

This is going to be a long night.