Dear Levi

Chapter 13

It was a foggy morning when Troye decided to say this world goodbye. Just when the first beams of sunlight hit the earth the last free air left his lungs. His eyes slowly closing, never to be opened again. The fire in his heart slowly quenching. Tears fallen, silent sobs heard only by hearts, comforting arms but not those wanted to be felt. Pain, an empty pain, only pain remains. No, not only pain, also loving memories and one set of small hands, not understanding what really happened, but still softly stroking, softly comforting, lessing the pain, filling the emptiness.

3 hours earlier...

"Tyler"

"Yes Troye?"

"You know I love you, right?"

Troye looked to his left, where Tyler was sitting, and he smiled. He will miss that face, miss the feeling of it under his touch. When he would write down all the things he would miss, the list would go on and on and on. But there wasn't time anymore.

Tyler slowly shook his head, he knew what those words meant. He knew what was coming and yet he wasn't ready. How could he? Nobody prepared him.

"Don't do this to me, Troye."

"I am sorry Ty."

"No, please, please don't leave me."

Tears falling down on the hospital bed. Tylers hand were reaching to the hands of Troye, still not wanting to let go. Tyler could already feel the pain, and it hurted, it hurted so badly. The only thing that Tyler wanted was to rib his heart out, and to throw it away, numb the pain.

"Ty? Can you get Levi? I want to say goodbye."

"Troye, please don't, please stay, just a little..."

He paused, looking behind him.

"Dad?"

Without saying a world, Levi walked to his dads, his little feet touching the floor, but leaving no sound to be heard. He did not cry, he didn't even understand the whole thing of dying, but he felt that this was the last time. Of what or who, he didn't know, but he knew he wasn't going to see it for a long, long time. 

"Hey Levi, come sit with us, Tyler will help you on the bed."

Levi sat on the bed, his legs hanging down. He still wore his Peter Pan outfit and in his blond hair was still painted bright orange.

"You were great Levi, I am very proud of you."

"It was amazing daddy, I wanna be on broadway when I grow up. Did you see how many people there were, and how they applauded? It was really fun."

Tyler and Troye both laughed and looked in eachothers eyes, proud of their son and how he had this everlasting hapiness. Levi's legs stopped swinging and suddenly all the light seemed to dissapear from his eyes, understanding.

"Daddy, are you going to Dodgy? Madame Carper said that everyone who dies is going to god in heaven, is that true?"

"I don't know Levi, but when I am there it will be too late to tell you, but I will pet Dodgy for you, OK?"

Levi nodded furiously and then his little finger travelled to Troye's nose, softly caressing it. Then his finger travelled to his eyes and then to his lips.

"What are you doing Levi?"

"Remembering."

He just muttered while his hands were moving on Troye's face. And then his hands suddenly stopped and he gently kissed his dad on his cheek.

"Bye daddy, I will miss you, and I love you."

"I love you too."

Troye kissed his son for the last time and then Levi walked away, holding the hand of his other dad.

"Hey Levi."

Troye called, and Levi and Tyler turned around.

"Never say goodbye, because goodbye means going away and going away means forgetting."

"Daddy, I will never forget you, you are my dad and my best friend."

And then one small tear trailed along his little cheek. He immediately brushed it away and blew a kiss to the hospitalbed. A hand slowly reached up and closed, catching his sons last kiss and placing it on his lips. 

Two hours passed and Troye said goodbye to his family and close friends. Those goodbyes hurt, but not at much as saying goodbye to his son. Troye decided that when he died, he only wanted to be with Tyler, and so it happened. The last hour of Troye's life began and Tyler was sitting next to his bed again.

"Tilly..."

Tyler grapped the hand of his husband and drew vague figures on it with his thumb. He didn't say anything, just because no words could describe the pain he was feeling. 

"So this is the end, isn't it?"

He simply asked, looking to the ring around Troye's hand.

"Life has to end."

He said

"Love doesn't"

He pulled his hand out of Tyler's and with the last power he had, he slid the ring from his finger, laying it in the open hand laying next to him. Then Troye folded Tyler's fingers, one by one, around the ring, the cold steel burning in his hand. 

"Tilly, when I am gone, I want you to live on. It will hurt, I know, and I will not be there to help you carry your pain, but you're not alone. Can you do that for me?"

"For you, I'd soar down the mountains, die a thousand times, if that's what it takes to find the place where dreams are made of, the place where you exist."

Tyler opened his hand and played with the ring laying in it. He shoved it in his pocket and saw that Troye had closed his eyes. 

"Kiss me, Tilly."

And so, Tyler's lips touched Troye's for the last time. A sweet, short kiss broke and a tear fell down, on the cheek of someone who was loved so deeply.

"Remember today..."

Troye whispered.

"Because it's the beginning of always."