Dear Levi

Chapter 1

Dear Levi, 

I don't know where to start, it's all so official now. It might be an hour ago that the doctors told me I am not going to make it till your next birthday. I am going to die. I am so sorry. I really want to see you grow up, see you become a man, just like your father is. I see now, every day you are starting to look like your father more. He tell a lot about you, I miss sharing moments with us both. But I am here now, prisoned in my sickness, and you can't go near me. I might kill you they say, but I miss your smile. I miss your eyes, I miss your blond hair and your sassy remarks. You are still young, I know, but the sassiness is real with you. You got that from your dad too, but you probably know that by now.

Back to me dying, because that was what I wanted to tell you. Your dad isn't going to live a very long time. And being so sick for a long time, I am not afraid to die anymore. I have completed my time on earth, it's not that I have unfinished things laying on an imaginary desk, waiting to be done. I have a beautiful husband, and I have you. You are literally my sunshine. Without you the day Is dark and scary. Your dad and I, we wanted to get married, a very long time, but somehow, we never did it. It was just never the good time, he wanted it to be perfect. And now, I am afraid, it's to late.

I have not told him yet, about me passing away. He will be heart broken, he will be sad all the time, and I get that, because I don't want to leave you both too. I want to be forever with you. I want to be the one that comforts you when you have your first heartbreak and I want to cry and hold the hand of your dad when you will marry. But I just can't, I am just too weak. I don't know what I am going to tell your father, how should I know. How do you tell the love of your life, the life soon will stops for one of us. He will survive, I am sure about that, but his little heart will break into millions of pieces, and I won't be there to comfort him. With me going away you and he will be alone.

You have to be strong for me, Levi, very strong. I know you can be. I hope you will bring him a napkin when he cries and I want you to say that everything is going to be fine in the end. Just like you did when I was sad that one time my little brother got in a skating accident, remember that? You are young, I know, but you are a very wise child. You may object, but I see it in your eyes.

But don't forget your own feelings, like I said, you are still young, you have feelings too. When you feeling sad, you can go to your dad and he will lay an arm over your shoulder and he will comfort you as much as possible. It's okay to cry, real boys do cry. Uncle Steele cries every time he visit me in the hospital. He looks like a tough man, but it rips him apart to see me like this. And grandpa is just the same. Your dad and you are staying now with them, with my dad and mum, I know that. Your grandpa told me about that. He told me that one night, he found your dad in your little bed, holding you so tight and he asked why he was in your bed, Tyler simply anwered that he just wanted to check if you were still breathing. Isn't that cute. Grandma told that you asked if I was going to die, and she knew, she already knew, even before the doctors knew. She told me that she told you that the doctors were doing their best, but that she really didn't know. You just nodded and looked to the sky:'Is he going to be an angle then?'. Your such a little sweetheart. Be strong and stay honest to yourself.

Please remember that I love your so very dearly.

Yours truly, 

Troye Sivan Mellet, your loving dad