Dear Levi

Chapter 10

Dear Levi,

it's almost new year now. I can't believe how fast this year went, and what has happened in the last 12 months. Only a year ago, I was sitting here with Tyler, you and Korey, watching the fireworks, not a worry in our world. Then, the year went along, January, February, March, and then came April, the month I started noticing there was someting wrong in my body. First, I started to get small bruises on my body. I thought I was being clumbsy, like I have always been, and that my body was getting old. After the bruises the amnesia came. It was not that I was forgetting important things, but just small things, things I had to pick up at the groceries, dentist appointments, things like that. It was kinda scary, but not alarming. 

And then, I had my first attack. My ears started to swish, my nose started bleeding, the headache. You were at school and I was home alone, Tyler was at work. In my panic I did the only thing I could think to do. Call him.

'Tyler, you need to come home now.'

'Honey, what's happening? Are you okay? I am calling a taxi immediately.'

'Please, Tyler, something is really bad.'

That moment I passed out, leaving an overly worried Tyler hanging on the phone. He found me 10 minutes later and rushed me to the hospital, where I woke up, after a 5 day coma.

Things like this aren't meant to happen in your life. They don't learn you in school how to deal with a terminal disease. They don't prepare you for that. But that's life. Actually when I think about this, they don't prepare you to life anywhere. Sure it's great to know how to calculate a difficult mathematic problem, or how to spell restaurant, but is that really the most important thing there is. 

I have always thought that school is just a waste of time, but later, when you're are older you think different about it. School is something that forms you, you meet lots of friends, lots of enemies, you learn there who you are, who you are not, and why you are here on earth. In school there are lots of inspirational people, the students, the teachers, anyone has there own story, and if you listen, they might give you an inside in there life, you might even learn something you really need in life. Living life isn't something that you can learn from a book, but if you listen closely, others will tell how to deal with something you never would imagine you could deal with. After all, the people won't remember you for what you were, but for what you have become.

...

It's actually a new year now, but I wanted to tell you how previous night went. Maybe you will remember it, but I centainly don't hope so. The last new year, and when we counted down, looking out of our penthouse over LA, we couldn't bring ourselves to say happy new year. We turned around and closed the curtains, opened a bottle of champagne and drank the night away. We wanted this to be a happy memory, but somehow we couldn't fake a smile, even not for you. Luckily, Korey felt the tension and went outside with you, to watch the fireworks from the streets. Your dad cuddled in my side, en I layed my hand on his shoulder.

'Troye, I can't imagine a life without you. Days like this hurts, because I know next year isn't going to be the same anymore. I am done lying to myself, to us. You are going to die, Troye.'

'I am sorry Tilly, I just want our last moments to be happy. I know I am going to die, let me at least die happy.'

Saying things like this hurts, especially saying thing like this to the one man that you love. But it is reality, and as your dad told, we can't escape that reality, we cannot lie about it anymore. 

'Let's just make a list of all the things we need to do before my situation get worse. When I am getting worse, we don't want to deal with the papers anymore.'