Dear Levi

Chapter 2

Dear Levi,

Your dad just left, I told him. We cried together, but he got himself together. I hope he isn't crying when he arrives home and you greet him, because I remember that every time you greeted him, his eyes would light up like the sun in the morning, and in those times I fell in love with you dad all over again. You might be wondering why I am telling you all this, why I write you these letters now, you can't even read yet. But my dear son, I just hope that you would never forget how much I love you, and how much I love your dad. I hope you'll find this kind of love in your life one time, because I know, I know it's hard to find someone who fits so perfectly in your life. Do you remember when we would try to make a puzzle together and sometimes a certain piece would not fit, but you were so stubborn, you kept hitting the pieces until they did fit. Love is kinda like that. Sometimes two people seem to be perfect together, but still the pieces are misplaced. Your dad and I, we are like two pieces that do fit together perfectly. And I want you to remember that when you are older. 

Life plays with you, Levi, it make you go to places you don't want to go, to make decisions you don't want to make. Some things you will never forget, and sometimes memories will fade away like the mist that comes up in the very morning. You could try all you want, but it never stays. So that's why I try to write you these letters and in case you were wondering, yes, that are tears you see subtly on the pages. I just don't want to leave you and Tyler. I will never forgive myself for leaving you on your own. 

But back to today, the doctors came again. They said that they could mutulate the virus in the way it's not transferable anymore. That means that soon I will be able to hold you, to hug you and to play with you. I can see your smile again, and those beautiful eyes of yours. Tyler wants to get married as soon as possible, and I want that too, but it's just that I am afraid that his heart is going to break in more pieces everytimes he sees the ring. But who am I to make decisions about that. If he want to marry before I will die, we will marry. 

I haven't sung for over a long time now, but I might try to write a song to you and your dad. I don't know if I will manage that. My head is kinda in other places right now. Yesterday I dreamt about the time I first met your dad. I remember it perfectly. It was a sunny day, but what would you expect in LA, the sun shines there every day. I was a young, small youtuber/singer/actor, and still closeted for the general amount of people. My friends knew, and so did my family. But nobody else. And Tyler, Tyler was also a youtuber (and hella gay), and I fangirled about him every time he uploaded a video. And that one time I posted a video of mine on Tumblr, and knowing how selfobsessed your dad is, I added his tag, and he saw it. You can imagine what my reaction were. He followed me on Twitter, and since I was already following him, I could DM him, and start a conversation. And then I was invited to Playlist life, and he was there too. And Levi, he knew, he knew how obsessed I was over him. So that night, we celebrated his birthday, and he was so lame ass drunk, I would not be suprised that he won't remember this at all, and I made him wink for one of my video's, at least I tried to make him wink. But he, the thristy man he is, said that he would only do it under one condition. I had to kiss him...

I had a serious crush on your dad for a long time, and this might seem to be a dream come true, but I was hoping my first kiss would be, like more romantic or something. And I was still in the closet, I couldn't just kiss him when everyone was still asuming I was straight. Your dad, later in time, told me that his gaydar was just screaming everytime he saw me, so that's why he dared to ask me. But back to the excited event of me potentially kiss the man who I have been crushing on like my entire life. I said to him that I didn't want to kiss him. I couldn't handle the pressure of being outed and everything. And your dad, first he looked very dissapointed, but then his face changed. He said to me to start recording, and so I did. 

And then, that stupid drunk munchkin forgot what he had to do.

So that was a thing. But after all, I did get him to wink at the camera and I didn't even had to kiss him for that. 

Nothing happened that night, at least, nothing excited. And nothing happened in the months after that, until Italy. 

I have to go now, my mom and dad are coming. I have to hide these letters, but I am giving them to Steele. He will keep them with him until you are old enough to start ask questions about me. He promised to keep an eye on you, so if there is anything wrong, and you don't want to get to your dad with it, you can go to him. He gives nice hugs too.

I love you so, so much.

Yours Truly,

Troye Sivan Mellet, your loving dad