Dear Levi

Chapter 9

Dear Levi,

It's christmas, and I am staying in a hospital, where the doctors barely speak english and where there's is no one I feel I can trust. When I woke up this morning I felt great, well, I felt better than normal. The presents were laying, neatly wrapped in colorful paper, under the tree. You were so happy, you sang, jumped, danced and your happiness was so contagious that soon everybody was dancing in the small, little cabin. My dad was dancing with Jacky, while my mother grapped Tyler and danced with him. I was looking contently to my dearest. And then I noticed one of my eyes stopped working, I barely could see anything through it. I started to panick, but I didn't want to ruin the happy mood we were in, so I said nothing, the first mistake I made that day.

Then my head started aching, not just a day to day headache but like I was just kicked by a horse. I shivered, but I felt my back getting damp from sweat. This was not good, there was something horribly wrong. I looked up and saw blurry that you were pointing towards me, nervously pulling at Tylers sleeve. I felt something dripping from my nose and saw dark, red drops of blood ruining my white christmas sweater. From that point on everthing seemed to play in slowmotion, me calling out for help, seeing Tyler rushing towards me to catch me while I collapsed.

'Troye, stay with me here.'

My vision blurred and changed to black and I what I remembered next was me being rushed through a white hall way, an incredible headache, and still one eye completely black. I opened my good eye just a small bit and saw Tyler running next my stretcher, tears in his eyes. I noticed he was holding my hand and so I collected all the energy I still had deep in me and pinced his hand.

'Tilly.'

I whispered, barely hearable for anyone, but your dad heard. His head shoot up.

'Tilly, I love you.'

I whispered again, my voice reduced to only a breath. Then I was pushed through a pair of green doors and Tyler was stopped by a nurse. I didn't know he heard me, and something told me that it might be the last time I could say that to him.

'STOP!'

I screamed, my voice broken and raspy. The doctor and the nurses stopped, looking at me in total suprise. 

'I need to say something to my husband.'

The nurses looked at the doctor questionably and the doctor nodded slowly. They rolled me back through the green door and I saw your dad still standing there, his hands pulling his hair and a single tear slipping down his cheek. When he saw me, he hurried towards me, immediately grabbing my hands again. 

'Tilly, I love you, no matter what happens today... Don't forget, that I love you... And Levi, Tilly you have to be strong...'

'No, no, no, no, you are not going anywhere Troyesivan, just... just... stay here... We need you.'

I pulled my hands out of your dads hands and pulled the ring he gave me, only a night ago, from my finger. 

'Here, I am so sorry Tilly.' 

I layed the ring in the open hands of Tyler, where just were my hands, there was no only a cold, simple ring. Tyler stared shaking his head furiously.

'No Troye, not now, you're not done yet.'

He grapped my hand again and shoved the ring on my ringfinger. He then bend over and kissed my forehead.

'See you tonight, sleep well.'

Then I felt the bed move again, the doors closed behind me, Tyler was still standing there, one hand raised to wave me goodbye, biting on his lips to contain his tears. The ring felt heavy on my finger, remembering for who I was fighting for, for Tyler, for you, for my family and for my friends. I wasn't alone in this fight, I never was, and I never will be.

...

I woke up about an hour ago, I had another attack, a severe one this time. You see, the virus I have is extremely rare and not curable, it causes internal bleedings and always leeds to death. I knew things like this would happen, that one by one my organs will fail and my muscles will go numb and that I might lose my sight, or my hearing. But I didn't think the decease would be this brutal, attacking me on christmas eve and completely ruining the party. 

Of course your dad was at my side the whole time, staying at my bedside, without sleep, food, or drinks, he's almost like a dog. When I woke up, the first thing I noticed were not the tubes in my arm, but a tiny, warm hand in mine. I opened my eyes, and noticed I still couldn't see through my left, but I never liked that eye anyways. A little boy was sitting on the side of my bed, his blond locks messed up and his legs slowly moving bach and forth. I didn't expect you to be there, but I was so grateful to see you there. I softly pulled on your arm and letting you lay next to me. You layed your little head on my chest and sighed contently.

'Daddy is getting a stuffed animal for me.'

You whispered in my ear, like you were telling me an important secret.

'What are you going to name it?'

A small frown appeared in your face, you clearly didn't think about that before.

'Can I call him Marky?'

Before I could ask why you would even call a stuffed animal like that Tyler walked in, Marcus and Alfie in his footsteps, when they heard what had happened they immediately took a flight to Sweden, Zoë was waiting in the restaurant.. They were all carrying a starbucks coffee in one hand, and a taco bell bag in the other. Apart from Tyler, who also carried a big, stuffed white tiger. You jumped up and stretched your arms to receive your Marky. After that a little girl shyly walked into a room, carrying a similar animal. Her mom, the wonderful Zoë Deyes following her, encouringly pushing her forward.

'Hey uncle Troye, I made a painting for you.'

Sophia quickly pushed the drawing into my hand and then stepped back, hiding behind Alfie. Alfie grapped her up and laughed, giving her a quick kiss on her cheek. 

'Thank you Sophia, that's a beautiful drawing you made.'

She nodded eagerly, a small smile appearing on her face, she definetely got the looks from her mom. 

'It's you, Nala, Dodgy and Levi's gran as little angels in heaven.'

You must have told her about it, but I still thought it was quite a shock for Alfie and Zoë, seeing how they immediately turned red. Alfie put Sophia back on the floor and pushed her towards the door.

'C'mon Levi, let's play hide and seek.'

She called, and grapped your hand and pulled you with her. You looked suprised to your entwined fingers and then looked back up, giving a small wink in my direction.

'Bye, uncle Troye, see you soon!'

You and Sophia left the small hospital room and me, your dad, Marcus, Alfie and Zoë discussed how we were going to do this from now on.

This day was quite a day, and I realised that I still had so much unfinished business to do. I couldn't just left the world, I still had to marry the man of my dream, I still had to say thank you to my viewers, I still had to watch your play in March. I realised that today was not the day to die, and thanks to your dad I realised that before it was too late. 

Yours Truly,

Troye Sivan Mellet, your loving dad