Dear Levi

Chapter 3

Dear Levi,

Today you came to say hello. I saw you watching through the little window on my door. You waved and smiled shyly. I get it, you don't know what to think. Me laying here, IV's in my vains and looking like a zombi. Tyler already put on a facemask and the blue clothes he has to wear. You should have seen your eyes, you probably were shocked by the way your dad looked. It was adorable. You wanted to go with him. I saw you reaching your hands out to Tyler and try to convince him to take you with him. But you can't, not yet. My mom took you to the play corner and read you a story, you tried to look happy, but I saw you throw worried glances to me every now and then. 

Tyler took a camera and I instantly knew what he was going to ask. And in all honestly, I don't know if I can do that. I don't know if I am strong enough to make my last video. It's scary you see, everything you do is a last. And all those last things bring me closer to our last goodbye. See, your dad and I used to make video's, random video's about our life, with our friends, with our family. It kinda helped me to get my first record deal, and after all, it made me meet Tyler. We had a lot of fans, it's weird to call them like that, because I, and Tyler also, don't see them as fans. We shared almost everything with them, in the hard times and in the fun times. They were patiently waiting for a new video, because in all honesty, I certainly wasn't good in uploading regularly. And offcourse some would say that I forgot about them, or that I was lazy. And everyday they would ask when I was planning to upload my next video. But they were understanding, they were patient, they were lovely. And they didn't only love me, they loved the fandom. When I was scrolling through my tumblr, I saw amazing people, making amazing things. But no one was bragging about it. They encouraged eachother, they helped eachother. When one was feeling down, the whole fandom would jump up to comfort them. And reading that, I just knew I was safe, I knew I was ready.

So on 7 August 2013 I came out to them. And I was never been so scared in my life. And their response was incredible. I have never felt so loved in my life. In the video I said I hoped it wouldn't change everything. But it did, but in good ways only. I got to help a lot of people and I could finally be the person I really was. Just before my coming out video I posted an original song, about this amazing book. Some people liked it, and I got to sign a record deal. My dreams were coming through, and I got to be myself. I still couldn't believe it. 

Since I came out people started to ship you and your dad together. But Tyler always made a joke out of it. He always said to the fans that I was too young, that we live to far. But I was willing to overcome that. Distance could be overwon, and my age shouldn't have mattered. But we grew so close together, and I was so afraid to fall in the dark scary pit called friendzone. I knew I had to do something to win his heart. So my friend Alfie, who knew about my love for Tyler, helped me out and organised a roadtrip through Italy, the country of love. He also made sure that Tyler and I had to share a room. This was the moment.

So when the sun sets all the other boys went out clubbing, and I somehow convinced your dad not to go, and stay with me this night. I was so nervous, I was sweating and shaking and going to the toilet every 5 minutes. Stressfull. But Tyler didn't noticed, because he was freaking out too. I was stupid not to see that then and there. So when it was comletely dark Tyler asked for a midnight stroll. I agreed, because that was possibly the most perfect moment to tell him. I didn't know how to say it, but what I knew, was that I had to say something. I couldn't just stay quiet forever, patiently waiting till the love would go away. 

Tyler was so quiet during the whole night, that I seriously was considering not to tell him this night. He seemed to have something on his mind, and I didn't want to make his life harder by telling I was in love with him. We walked in silence, Levi, it was so quiet that I was afraid that Tyler could hear my heart pouncing. I thought about so much things that I didn't noticed that we came onto a bridge. Your dad stopped me, and then I noticed how beautiful the view was. The sky was so clear, you could see a thousand stars and even more. Along the canal there stood ages-old houses. I heard Tyler take a deep breath as he grapped my hands. Oh Levi, the sparks I felt everytime he touched me. And then I knew I couldn't sleep another night without him knowing how much I loved him, I couldn't live a day without that touch, that made my body light up and my fingers tingling and my eyes shine like the sun. I opened my mouth to say it, and he opened his mouth to say something too. 

'Ty-'

'Troye'

'Oh, you go first.' 

Again I felt Tyler's hand pinch mine and I looked him into his eyes. I had never seen Tyler Oakley that nervous and shy in my whole life. In the vague light I recognised a small blush, making his face even more adorable.

'Troye, I have to tell you something. I know it sounds crazy, I know it sounds stupid, but I don't care anymore. I can't live another day without you knowing this. I can't keep my mouth shut, I can't keep my peace. Everytime I look into your eyes I know, and everytime you hug me I know. I can feel it from my head to my toes how incredibly in love I am with you.'

Thinking back to this makes me blush so hard, it was so perfect. He loved me the same I loved him. I didn't know what to say. I only could think about how much I wanted to confirm that I loved him too. So I freed my hands from his and cupped his head. I felt his hands creep onto my hips. My thump stroke his cheek. The world stood still that very moment, it was just me, him and the stars. And under those stars I kissed him for the first time.

And that's were we started our love story. Under the italian stars, with only us to witness.

Remember tonight.. for it is the beginning of always - Dante Alighieri

I love you Levi, remember that.

Yours Truly,

Troye Sivan Mellet, your loving dad