デカセクト

Nijiro's Side - Chapter 3

When I got home, I took a shower and changed my clothes. I was craving for a drink and I didn't care if I get hammered and go to the set drunk off my ass the next day.

The bar I went to was dark and it definitely suited the vibe I had going on. A couple of girls walked up to me. They were drunk and were looking for some good time. But I was not in the mood for sex, I just want to get drunk.

My fingers hovered above my conversation with Shouko more than I could count. I had half a mind to stop myself from either calling her or sending her a message.

The only thing I had was my pride. I didn't want to embarrass myself to her, that would just be mortifying. I would probably terminate my contract with Netflix just to avoid her if I ever did anything embarrassing.

Shouko was such a sweet girl. Pure and soft like a flower. But there are times that she could be feisty too and it only made me want her even more. She was like an open book but the one reading her has to read in between the lines to fully understand her.

I knew I'm probably not the best guy out there but I can fucking promise to myself that I'd treat her better than any guy ever will.

"Fuck, I'm whipped." I muttered to myself before taking another shot.

The drink burned my throat but I could barely acknowledge it. My thoughts were full of a certain girl that I probably have no chance to be with. Why must things be so complicated? Why must I fall for a girl who has already fallen for another guy?

"And why do I even fucking torture myself like this? It's not like she's the only girl in the world." I spoke bitterly.

I couldn't really remember much about what happened. All I know is that I've drank way too much and I blacked out for about an hour or two.

When I woke up, I still felt dizzy. Grinning to myself, I took a photo but I don't think I did a very good job at it. It was blurry and dark since I didn't have the flash on.

I posted it on my Instagram story with a caption that I was sure would get her attention. I didn't want her to think that I felt bad but I felt like messing around at the moment. The alcohol in me had more to do with it than I did.

Just to waste my time, I walked around Tokyo. Well, I staggered around Tokyo. The world right in front of me was spinning and I could barely make out the streets.

I missed walking around like this. I felt like I was back when I was just some random guy without a clue what to do with his life.

I stopped walking when I saw an ice cream shop. My stomach suddenly made a sound so I decided to get some ice cream. I just told the one behind the counter that I wanted everything chocolate in my cup.

After paying for it, I waited until it was all done. I continued walking along the streets while eating the cold dessert. The sweetness made my head spin even more so I took a seat on the sidewalk to rest a little.

My thoughts were invaded by Shouko again. I wondered if she liked ice cream and if so, what her favorite combination would be. My head was just full of silly questions I badly wanted to ask her. I want to know every single detail about her.

I want to know what she liked and disliked.

I want to know if she preferred tea or coffee. Maybe milk?

I want to know how she would look like in the mornings after just waking up.

I want to know how it would feel to have her in my arms.

I want to hear her whisper 'good morning' to me.

I want to know if I actually had a fucking chance.

The next morning, I woke up groaning. My head felt like it was about to split in two. I don't even remember how I got home. I was starting to regret getting drunk. I still had to go to the set so I just took some meds and showered like my head wasn't killing me.

Even after brushing my whole goddamn mouth four times and even after multiple mouthwashes, I could still smell a hint of alcohol. Hoping that nobody would notice, I carried on and went to the set.

But, of course, the director noticed and proceeded to scold me near where we got our make up done. Looking into the mirror, I still looked pretty drunk. It made me chuckle, earning another round of scolding.

When the director called a short break, I snapped a photo of myself and posted it on my Instagram story. I don't know if it was wise putting in those words in there for everyone to see but it was too late to take down now. I just hope that she knows it's her that I want for myself.

After a few hours, I finally fully sobered up and the scent of alcohol was replaced with the fruit juice that I bought before I came on set.

Shouko came with Yamazaki later that day and even though I felt excited just seeing her, I pretended not to notice her. It wasn't hard for me to pretend not to care about her presence since I've been acting for years already. I could tell she wanted to approach me since I kept seeing her stare at me from time to time in the corner of my eyes.

I almost laughed but then I remembered how bad she had it for Sakurada and that she would probably never be the same way with me. The thought left me annoyed the rest of the day.

When Sakurada approached her, I observed them. I felt jealous. Other guys can just go and talk her whenever they wanted while I'm here playing the role of the cold, mysterious guy just to get her attention.

I frowned as I focused back on the two. I have never imagined them to get so close after a short period time. That should be me talking to her, making her laugh, making her smile.

I mentally groaned at how cheesy I've become. This definitely wasn't just a silly crush. I'm so fucked that it hurts. I've never been like this my whole life. It scares me to think how I'll turn out if she actually gave me a chance.

"You'll fall for me eventually." I whispered to myself as I stared at her. She was too beautiful that I find it hard to look away.

I wanted to laugh at myself so badly. My thoughts make me pity myself. I wonder why I'm so damn hooked on this girl she hasn't even done anything to me.

As I trail my eyes on her soft pink lips, I wonder about the things that I could say to make her laugh. And as my eyes landed on hers, I wonder if there'll ever be a time that she'd look at me the same way she looked at him.