The Break Trough

Part 78

Part 78

[Mpume ]

It was midnight and I was very restless, I could not sleep I was not sure what annoyed me the most Lubanzi not being open with me about his feelings for me or me being stupid to and up putting my heart  out there,

It all started when Carry found me in my room smiling at myself

Her: “ he really makes you happy “

Me: “ who? “

Her: “ Lubazi dummy “

Me: “ah yes “

her: “ you are so lucky girl to have a boyfriend like him “

I smiled and I looked down

Me: “ he is not my boyfriend, I mean he is my friend who is a boy, but not in a romantic manner “

Her: “ no ways “

Me:” yes ways “

Her: “ but the signs are there, chemistry, spark, what am I missing? “

Me: “ I hope I knew the answer to that, I'm just lost as you are , he so overprotective since I’m pregnant, he loves Joy more than anything even gave me R5k voucher for baby clothes but when it comes to me, he is just I don’t know …, he giving me mixed signals “

Her: “ I see, you know this might sound old school, but why don’t you write a letter to him and tell him how you feel “

Me: “ I don’t know about that “

Her: “ look you can never confess how you feel when you are with him, because of your pride and maybe you are afraid that you will be embarrassed or get rejected, so write a letter to him and put your heart out there, what do you have too loose “

And like that, she left me, and to my surprise, I found myself busy typing and erasing my massage to Lu and finally I pressed send

he read the massage two hours ago but why did he not respond am I so fuckin desperate for affection that I started sending guys a love letter now, who does that these days? I’m such a fool, now I have destroyed my relationship with my friend, but did I? I don’t think so! I like the guy and I have developed feelings for him, so to put my heart out there was the best way for me to know where I stand, I can not be in the friend zone I got enough guy friends I don’t need Lu to be one-off them. I took my phone and read my message again to check if maybe I missed something out or left something out.

#

Hi Lu

I never in a million years thought I would do this but what the heck, I don’t have anything left to do. I just thought I’d let you know a few things, so here goes.

I like you…I may even love you, though I’ve only known you for few months, and at the beginning of those months I thought you were stuck-up and liked to show off, but now I know you are not like that. You probably don’t know that I like you or even think of you that way, but already life seems to be grey when I’m not around you.

I am almost frightened by the intensity of my feelings. In writing this note, I am almost too scared to write everything I feel, because it would look so final…I am afraid to be out of control, and you make me feel that way. I could kick myself every time we talk, for hoping and wishing that you like me back. I know that I am pregnant with another man's child, but that will not make me less of a woman, you made me bond with my baby and I will forever be grateful for that, all I’m saying is that I hope you accept me as I am, and my baby.

I am trying not to get too over my head in love with you, but it is hard when you are nice and sweet and gentle and kind and interesting and curiously intriguing to me…it doesn’t help that you are intelligent. Perhaps one day I’ll get the guts to tell you all this…maybe…we’ll see. I respect your decision regardless and hope we can still be friends.