The Break Trough

Part 128

[Nkonzo ]
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my life was always consumed by church and music , I can call myself a social type because I’m very outspoken and love to chill outside my comfort zone ,  I decided to pursue my dream in music I did not want to be confide in one space because I believe that music is the food of the soul and if I can touch as many people as I can that will be jus a blessing for me
Growing up in Christian background I fell in love with worshiping , and  my long term goal is finally coming into place, after so many years of knocking from door to door looking for funding, I have finally fund a sponsors , I’m starting a worship group I hope it will be bigger like the most popular gospel choir in SA ,like Joyous celebrationn or Spirit of praise, I’m praying that my contacts come through for me

Nkosi : “ come on mfethu help me over here “
I put down my pan and note pad I am composing and writing a new song , but the words did not come right because the song I’m writing must comes from my heart since it dedicated to a broken soul that acts  and pretend that life is ok , while she hides her scars to the world.

I look at my brother who was fussing about this dinner as if I cared.
Well dad and Mom’Zo are currently seeing each other  and having this dinner is to just put it in table to us that they together and planning the future
Me : “you the chef I don’t know why you need my help for? “
Nkosi : “ I’m just sick and tired of slaving in kitchen alone while you busy day dreaming “
I shook my head while washing my hands
Me : “ so who is joining us tonight ? “
Him : “ dad said that Mpume and his mean husband will be coming “
I laughed “ Banzi is not mean his just quiet and very observant “
Him : “ and arrogant “
Me : “ ya you can say that , but his brother is worse “
He looked at me “ ooh konje once upon a time you were in there circle “
Me : “ don’t remind me man, me and Portia ended very badly and frankly I’m glad we did not work “
Him : “ she was too good to be true zalo, i never trust the shy quiet type , that is why I prefer my man crazy “
I bust out and laughed , my brother is gay I have accepted it , his relationship is always kept very secretive because our father does not approve of his sexuality ,
Me : “ you still dating that white guy? “
Him : “ yep long distance relationship is killing us kodwa   “
I nodded while looking at him work , his good at what he does and very passionate about his work of art that what he calls his special dishes
Him : “ Dad tells me that Cici joined the worship group “
Me : “ yep “
He raised his eyebrow “ and ?... “
Me : “ and what ? ... she’s  got a beautiful voice I’m still trying to train her to use it with out fear ... So she can hit those high notes like Mariah Carey “
Him : “ wow that is god “
I nodded and folded my hands ,
Him : “ could be the reason why she quit with out giving notice at the Hotel to be a musician  “
Me : “ wait you use to work with her ? “
Him : “ yaa ... for a month or so , she was in bad state kodwa , she moved from front desk to the kitchen and from being all glam up she lost that spark , it was as if something change .. I don’t know  she looked like those girls who were suffering from depression... “
Me : “ what do you mean ? “ 
Him : “I volunteer at the women’s shelter and I can tell when a woman is  abused , I think she suffering from depression because of the abuse she gets from her lover “
Me : “ you can not tell that by just looking at a person ? “

He stop what he was doing and looked at me
“ I can ... look have you ever notice that she never wear anything that   shows her arms , put too much make up and mostly  wear long dresses and pants...  so think about it “
I looked down, the signs are there but I was not convinced that it was abuse, could it be the reason why she is too jumpy at times and always lost in her own world, damn it why did I not pick it up
Him: “ Nkonzo why the sudden interest “
Me : “ mmmm?”  I looked up
“ nothing I’m just curious “
He shook his head
“ stay away from that girl, stop fixing broken souls it not worth it ... and to top it up she is dating Zweli ... so you and him still have bad blood because of Portia, so don’t go out there and act all hero “
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[Mpume ]

Lu: “ yazi you can pout all you like but we still going “
I just rolled my eyes I did not feel like attending this dinner, me and  mom are still not talking it's been weeks now  and I'm still pretty mad at her, this was just going to be very awkward for us
Lu:” one way or the other you have to face her, babe come on “ my head was on his chest and he was busy brushing my arm, I love this moment when Lu and I cuddle, we were looking at Joy who was walking around in our bedroom busy falling down and exploring the environment, my baby has really grown up and our relationship has changed I spend more time with her and I have realized what she likes and what she hates, I noticed also that she very short-tempered and impatient, I smiled looked at her,
I can not wait for her to start talking, 
Lu: “ so since we going to the pastor's house what do we bring along vele, is wine appropriate? “
Silent
Him: “ mamakhe come on I’m speaking to you “
Me : “ sorry love . ... I’m not sure what to bring but I guess wine will do, his a man of faith but he's dating my mom, and mom loves her wine so yah I don’t see a problem in that “
Lu : “ babe so your mom is sleeping with Baba Mfundisi  .. like grand ... grand they screwing “
I lifted my head and looked at him he was cracking up and had that crazy look with a wide smile on “
Me :  Lu !”
Him : “ what? I'm just thinking nje “
I rose up from the bed I did not want to picture my mom having sex that just disturbing
Him: “ ok... imagine her saying ... haha baba ... yes amen right there “ he was even imitating a women’s voice, I hit him with a pillow
“ stop it! that is just wrong “
Him: “ and baba umfundisi will say avuleka amasango asezulwini ....  umnandi I feel like I’m walking to haven right now ahhhh  “
I laughed and closes my ears with my hands
“ you so nasty yezwa? shut up !!“
Him: “ your mom will be screaming hallelujah when she reaches her orgasm ‘to lord be the  glory to the heavenly dick “
He busted out and laughed making hand gestures and making faces and busy grinding and moving his waist, I could not help but laugh he was hilarious right now
Me: “ yahlanya yezwa “  he spanked my ass “ go bath so we can get moving, “ he said picking up Joy
Me : uyyyuuuw!!! Banzi now I’m picturing them in my head ... and they doing it  “ he busts out and laughed
Him: “ I’m going to ask my mom- in law on how it feels to fuck the anointed dick “
we bust out and laughed, I was in tears ...
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[Cici ]

I was sitting on the couch watching T.v, no make that the TV was watching me, I was not lost in thought but I was just numb, what’s there to think about? what’s there to pray about, I was just not feeling like talking or thinking, my mind was on standstill, have you felt so broken that you feel like you lost all hope of the world, I prayed, read the bible and go to church but the lord is taking his sweet time answering me, is there even God ?.

You know I have come to realize that In a close relationship it can be difficult to know whether you are being abused, especially if your partner says they love you, gives you a lot of attention,  pays for the groceries, giving you shelter, and putting clothes on your back. Zweli  sometimes act loving and supportive as a way to keep me in the relationship, but of late he has started tendencies of Forcing me to have sex with him, If I refuse and fight him the cruel, threatening words he says to me break me, even more, I realized that I want out I have been too patient hoping for change, praying for change but each day it became worse the behavior the abuse the insult,
I stepped in the bed just wanted to sleep, Zweli was out and most probably drinking with Bongani, the house was quiet and I felt at ease and God knows taking this afternoon naps has become my escape from everything.

I was fast asleep when I felt hands on my body,  I froze as he lifted my dress up, I tried to pull it down but he turned me around and he came on top  of me he stuttered muffing my neck and forcefully kissed me I was left with my panty only since I had no bra on  I felt his hands running around my body, he smelled like he just got off the shower 
Me: Zweli no baby I’m on my periods “
He looked at me and gave me a half-smile, he pinned his lips on mine and roughly pulled me close to him
I don’t know what happened but he forcefully tore my thong off
Me: “ Zweli please “
Him: “ stop fighting it Sisi I know you want it, you can never resist me “
Me: Zweli not like this please “
Him : “ don’t piss me off “
I sat there with tears streaming on my face, while he was busy humping me, breathing heavily, roughly kissing me,
Him: “I love you baby ok “  I closed my eyes I wanted my mind to take me to a better place,
Him: “ mmmh,...  aah ... you bloody hot yes baby give me your juices “
he started choking me and biting me, I wish he could stop but it felt like he was on drug or something. maybe I deserve this maybe this was my fate I might as well accept it ...
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