Flying On Crippled Wings • (Sixx:AM)

Can't Save You, No Matter How I Try...

AUTHOR'S NOTES: 

I would like to thank my two hour car ride to upstate New York for the opportunity to write this chapter (and have it ready for this week's update !)

This is a DROP-IN scene that takes place during CHAPTER 32 of "RELIEF" (the chapter is titled "Codependency"). If you haven't read Relief, I suggest you head on over there to take a look... This will make much more sense if you do.

This scene takes place directly after Nikki pulls James away from a car that he was about to run into in the midst of a panic-stricken manic episode. In "Relief", the scene following Nikki pulling James away switches to Nikki & DJ staying outside James's hotel room (after Nikki calmed James down enough for him to fall asleep) ... DJ goes in to check on James, and prays at his bedside (sound familiar to anyone??).... Make a long story short, this deleted scene is what happens BETWEEN those two events.... What happened between DJ calling a cab and them getting back to the hotel.

ANOTHER NOTE: For those who have forgotten, James dissociated during this episode & does not remember any of it... Nikki explained it all to him way later on... If he hadn't, he never would have known this whole thing occurred. Dissociation can happen during high states of anxiety and/or during manic episodes.

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NIKKI'S P.O.V:

"Hello... Hi.... Uh...."

A cool, sharp gust of wind smacks me in the face as I securely hold James in my grip, feeling his rapid heartbeat, along with my own.

"I need a cab on the northeast corner of 35th Street.... Uh... As soon as you can... Yeah.... Yeah... Thank you—"

DJ's voice shakes in the background, and I can hear him end the call to the taxi company. A slight sigh of relief washes over me, but it's not nearly enough to gain a sense of peace from the horrid chain of events that we're in the midst of right now.

"They said they'll be here as soon as they can..."

He sounds breathless, and my heart only clenches at the way his words sound disconnected... as if his mind is about to send him to a far away place... A world where none of the bad exists... A world where we wouldn't have to deal with anything like this.

I give DJ a quick head nod of acknowledgment and let out a soft sigh as I look into his piercing, nervous eyes. I wish I could tell him that everything will be okay, but to be completely honest... I can't...

In this situation, I can't promise that.

Time feels like it's standing still... In the last five minutes, everything has felt like it froze... As if the world suddenly stopped turning...

The eerie darkness of the chilly night sends a shiver up my spine, but the situation that the three of us are in right now only makes it worse. The pit I've had in my stomach since I chased James outside, after he started running in panic, hasn't gone away, and if anything it's only gotten more intense...

The terrifying question in my mind remains.

Was James's impulsive behavior fueled by his mania or was it a deliberate attempt to end his life?

It's a horrible question to have to ponder, and it's something that I don't think anyone wants or would ever want to have to explore, but I can't escape it... I can't run away from the possibility of what just occurred in the last five minutes.

James is still trembling in my secure grip, and my shirt feels a tiny bit wet. His breathing is a lot slower than it initially was... Thankfully, my guided breathing techniques were able to help him, but I know he's still in a high state of panic. He hasn't moved his head from my chest... It's almost like he's using it as a way to hide... Hide from the pain... The emotions... The torture of his mind...