Flying On Crippled Wings • (Sixx:AM)

Coming Out Of The Dark

***AUTHOR'S NOTE***

Hi beautiful people! Happy *LATE* Thanksgiving to those who celebrate it! I apologize for the long gaps between posting. Things have been insane lately... Whoever is still here with me, thank you! I really appreciate you guys for sticking with me through my sporadic schedule...and I promise that once I finish my Christmas drop-in chapter, I will be committing to "You Have Come To The Right Place"... soon.... :)

Now onto the chapter... James's family has (once again) pestered me into writing another installment involving them. They have a lot to say!! As usual, this installment will be in two parts (because I can't write anything under 10K apparently... lol). Timeline is as follows.

Relief: Chapter 36 (Permission); a few days before James is admitted into treatment for his ED.

PS: For anyone who hasn't read the prior installments with the family involved (12, 13, 14, 15), I suggest you do! This will make a lot more sense.

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December 1st 2016

JAMES'S P.O.V:

"Good news, dude..."

Nikki's voice slips through my haze of exhausted disorientation. I feel a gentle hand run through my hair as a sharp chill shoots up my spine, forcing my eyes to open. I don't remember falling asleep, but then again...Do I remember anything well these days?

My brain is complete mush .

The moment that my surroundings come into clear view, I make out Nikki kneeling beside the couch in my studio with a warm smile on his face. I let out a soft groan as he squeezes one of my hands from under my blanket.

"We got an admission date..." I feel him rub circles into my skin, while I use my strength to focus on his words. "December 5th..."

It takes me a few seconds to comprehend everything but the moment that I do, my eyes widen. I could swear I feel my heart skip a few beats.

I immediately try to lift myself into a sitting position, but am stopped by the dizziness that washes over me. Despite being able to stomach a tiny bit more food than when I first came home from the hospital, my body still doesn't know what it's doing...Unfortunately, I can't really blame it at this point...I know I've put it through the wringer.

"Hey, Hey...Easy, man."

Nikki helps steady me by placing a firm hand on my shoulder. I squeeze my eyes shut for a moment to blink the black spots away. Once the dizziness subsides and I'm able to reopen my eyes, the reality sinks in.

I'm getting admitted.

It's actually happening.

A huge wave of release crashes upon me as I repeat that sentence to myself. Tiny tears of relief are welling in my eyes at the news...

This is it...You won't have to deal with all of this alone anymore...The pain will finally come to an end...

For the first time in a long time, I feel a glimmer of hope...But it's not just hope. It's hope mixed with fear.

Feeling relief and anxiety at the same time seems contradicting, but that's the only way I can describe my emotions surrounding the news.

Every day that I've been home has felt like torture, and I've been waiting for this day to come. Every fuckin' day, Nikki has been making phone calls to treatment centers trying to get me in...I would have done it myself but I've felt too fatigued and drained to do anything. The point is, the process of finding a rehab and getting a bed has felt like pulling teeth, and now I finally have a spot and an admission date. I have a concrete day that I'll actually be able to get help ...