Flying On Crippled Wings • (Sixx:AM)

Have You Given Into Madness?

**AUTHOR'S NOTES**

Hi readers!!! Long time, no post... (Lol... Don't worry, I have an explanation...which is really the main reason why I'm posting this right now.)

So, as most of you know, I've been working on "You Have Come To The Right Place" (book two of this series). I was posting consistently for a while and then...Well...I kinda went MIA (James much?? nahhh).

Here's the deal... I had a bad period of writer's block due to my own struggles which is initially why I hadn't posted in over a month, but now I am currently working on getting my PERSONAL TRAINING certification (WHILE working SIX days a week) so to be blunt... I don't have any free time y'all! (oof.)

I really wanted to post so I could give you this explanation AND also reassure you guys that I am HERE. I am NOT abandoning my books. My updates will just take a LOT longer than usual and I just ask that you stay patient with me (because trust me guys... James constantly "speaks" to me throughout the day telling me I need to write! He won't let me leave his story unfinished! LMAO).

So, long story short, I wanted to pop back over to THIS drop-in compilation so I could give you guys one of my many random drop-in scenes that I have had hiding in my drive for the past year, waiting to be added... I figured I'd give you the explanation and a little piece of writing so you know that I'm still alive (lol.)

TIMELINE WISE... This takes place sometime AFTER James is OUT of treatment...I don't have an EXACT timeframe but I would estimate somewhere between 8 months to a year post-discharge! (and it is very important to note that even this long after treatment the struggles don't just disappear. this will be made very clear in this piece!)

The MAIN warning for this is straight BODY DYSMORPHIA (and for you guys who have been following my series thus far...you should know what this is...and if you haven't...to put it in simple terms: a distorted perception of one's body) -- other warnings that apply include IRRATIONAL EATING DISORDER THOUGHTS, MENTION OF LAXATIVES, & ANXIETY/PANIC --

I'll be honest... It feels a little vulnerable posting this but I do believe it's important for others to understand the ways body dysmorphia can manifest, and if any of you are wondering...The way James experiences his body dysmorphia in this piece is pretty similar to how I experience mine. I've had urges on and off to share this one with you guys but I kept chickening out (which is a little ridiculous considering some of my heavier content involving trauma that I've posted).

Anyway... I hope you enjoy it! And again, thank you for sticking with me even through my insanely erratic posting schedule...All of your support throughout this series has meant the world to me and I wish I was able to give all of you hugs!

FYI: There IS a second part of this written but I'm still deciding if I will go forward and post it... Let me know if you'd be interested cause apparently I'm not capable of making decisions !!

ONE MORE FYI: Figure I'd casually let y'all know that I took a virtual voice workshop on ZOOM two weeks ago and a CERTAIN someone happened to be attending it too.... Any guesses??? (Some of you know...Some may not...I can't keep track of who I tell anything to!)

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James's House

Los Angeles, California

JAMES'S P.O.V

Recovery is so frustrating at times.

It's really aggravating that I could be doing awesome for days... weeks... even months on end, but then I have days like today. Days where I start questioning why I chose recovery in the first place... Days where I start feeling tormented by all of my thoughts and urges and compulsions... Days where I contemplate whether I should continue to fight on with this or just throw in the towel because it would be "easier" to give up...