***AUTHOR'S NOTES***
As promised.... here is the continuation of last week's installment... The family is visiting!
To be absolutely transparent...This was so hard to write... Felt very *cringe* and brought up quite a few memories of my own, but if you guys know anything about me & my writing by now, it's that I strive to keep things real... no matter how difficult or uncomfortable the reality is.
With that being said...On with the show! For a reminder, the timeline is as follows:
Relief: Chapter 36 (Permission); a few days before James is admitted into treatment for his ED.
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December 3rd 2016
Los Angeles
JAMES'S P.O.V:
"Come on James...Just a little bit..."
Nikki's coaxing tone of voice suffocates me as I stare at the small cup of protein powder mixture that he's holding in front of me, while kneeling beside my bed. I wearily shake my head in exhausted resistance and wrap my blanket tightly around my shivering body.
"This is the same mixture you've been eating the whole week..." Nikki's concerned eyes escalate my inner turmoil but I know he just wants the best for me...
But...I just...I can't .
All I'm feeling is anxiety, and it's not just because of the food...It's more than that.
They're visiting... My family is coming here... today.
Just the thought makes me want to curl up into myself on my bed and hide away, but I can't...I shouldn't, and I know that.
Deep down, all I want to do is sink into the comfort that only family can bring. I do want to see them, but I'm terrified. I'm scared of their reactions...What they'll think when they see me...How they'll feel .
Shame and guilt are swimming through my body as I think about all of the lies I've told the people who love me...Nikki, DJ, Dave...my parents...
I could have reached out to my family so many times but I didn't. I just neglected all forms of connection because I decided to tend to fuckin' destroying myself instead! I have no excuses. There was no reason why I couldn't have reached out to them, even just to say hi or check in. They called me and I ignored the calls...The voicemails...The attempts to get in touch with me...
I'm a shitty person.
I don't feel like I deserve to eat right now...I don't think I can stomach it...I feel like I'm gonna be sick.
"James...Please."
The pain in Nikki's voice sends uneasy chills up my already freezing frame, and all I can do is close my eyes, hang my head down in shame, and stay silent.
I can vaguely hear Nikki let out a soft, yet patient sigh as he puts a gentle hand on my shoulder. My eyes slowly open and I'm met with an almost coaxing gaze...along with a small glass of water.
"You want to try this instead?" Nikki's brows are furrowed but his voice is low...Soft...Gentle...
I gaze blankly at the cup, expressionless, feeling nothing but perturbation and dread; numbness and emptiness.
"James...Just a little bit..."
I shake my head and let out an exhausted sigh. Now pesky tears of shame-filled frustration are beginning to well in my eyes as my body stays locked in place, tense, glued to the edge of my bed.
YOU ARE READING
Flying On Crippled Wings • (Sixx:AM)
FanfictionFollow the ups and downs of James's recovery through this collection of one-off's from the "Relief" AU... including "deleted" scenes from "Relief" & "You Have Come To The Right Place" or drabbles I've come up with that are not in the exact timeframe...
