fear love¹ | rafe cameron

one

„When do you think we'll find our soulmate? You know like the love of our life?" my best friend Sarah asked me.

I didn't know the answer because I stopped believing in love since my parents got divorced. I always thought that they're made for each other, that my dad is the person for my mom and she is his person, but then she found another man, who is in her opinion her Prince on a horse.

My dad wasn't all the time home, because he's one of the deputy here in the outer banks, but he always tried to make me and my mother feel safe around him.

He showed my mom how special and unique she was to him, but that was apparently not enough for her, she wanted more than that. So she decided to leave me and my dad for another man, but that was now six years ago.

Since that day I stopped believing in love. I never had a real relationship because every time when a guy showed me his love I blocked.

My stepmom Veronica is adorable, and I like her, but sometimes she's overprotective, and it's annoying. I know she just wants to keep me safe, but I can take care of myself.

„Love doesn't exist. Love is just the description for people who are scared to end up alone. At some point in your life you will realize how fake this feeling is and that love is just a dumb surreal feeling" I answered her question after a while and continued to look into the starry sky.

I wished I could feel how real love feels. The feeling when you realize that this person makes you feel special and he's your home but how I already said, I block when guys show me their love but maybe I block because they're not the one.

„You need to start believing in Love Grace, this feeling is just magical and you get these butterflies in your stomach - OMG did you see that?" she asked excited and pointed her finger at the sky.

It was like therapy for us. Every Friday after school we met at her house and climbed on the roof and looked at the stars for hours. Sometimes we fell asleep and on the next day the light of the sunrise woke us up. These weekends felt magical.

„This is the third shooting star this night. This is insane" I answered her question impressed. „What is your wish Ms. Cameron?" I asked my best friend and looked at her while she stared at the sky.

„That's one secret I'll never tell xoxo" she quoted from our favorite series. „Shut up Sarah" I said laughing and hit her with a pillow.

I knew what her wish was. She wished that Topper is the person for her. I am sure he isn't. Topper is overprotective and thinks Sarahs body is made out of glass. He's a dick, especially when he hangs out with Sarah's big brother Rafe Cameron and he is the biggest mess in the whole world.

When I was thirteen and Rafe fifteen he asked me if I wanted to smoke some weed. God, I was fucking thirteen. The weed blasted his brain away. When he asked me that four years ago, I thought he was joking at this moment but when he asked Wheezie, I knew he wasn't. He didn't even think about it how wrong it was to ask me and his younger sister but how could he when weed was the only thing that was left in his brain. What a dickhead.

Sometimes JJ and Kie are smoking some weed and I tried it a few times. When you're high, it feels like you would drown at any minute, but then you got the weed what helps you to breathe under the water and it feels insane, like a ride in a rollercoaster that would never end.

Now it was after midnight and we climbed down the roof onto the terrace. „Oh my God Sarah, be careful!" Topper screamed and I could swear he almost had a panic attack. I already said that he's overprotective and that's the best proof.

„Yeah I will be careful too, thanks for caring about me" I said sarcastically. „Nobody cares about you Gracie" Rafe shouted.
„Fuck you" I shouted back. Maybe it wasn't that safe how we climbed from the roof down onto the terrace but we're not five anymore. No risk no fun, right?

„She isn't made out of glass Topper" I said annoyed and heard Rafe aping me. I just rolled my eyes and continued not to fall down. „Is he really your brother?" I asked Sarah and took the last steps before jumping on the terrace.
„I don't know, sometimes I think he's adopted" she said and laughed.

As I jumped out onto the terrace, I held out my hand to help Sarah for the last steps. Then she slipped her foot and was just barely able to jump onto the terrace and felt down. „God damn it" she said and looked at her knee which was bleeding.

I swear that was the moment where Topper would have a heart attack but the only thing Sarah and I could think of was not to burst out laughing. „Let's play a game" she whispered and I knew what game she wants to play.

„Oh my god Sarah, please wake up" I said so loud that the boys could hear me. Only a few seconds later Topper came through the patio door and leaned over his girlfriend, who pretended she has passed out. She burst out laughing and so did I. „You scared the shit out of me, this isn't funny" Topper said shocked and started to blush.

„Idiot" Rafe said and smoked on his joint. This is true love. Rafe Cameron and his weed. If weed would be a person, he would do anything for this person and when I say everything, I mean it.

„Are you staring at me?" Rafe asked me. I didn't even realize that Sarah went inside with her boyfriend Topper.
„No I don't. Should I?" I asked rhetorically and got up to go inside. But when I wanted to go inside, the biggest idiot stopped me. He grabbed my wrist and pulled me to him and I felt his warm breath on my ear and the goosebumps on my whole body.

„You would look better without these clothes on" oh boy, he tries to be flirty but I liked the game he played.

„Oh you wish you would see it" I whispered.
„One day I will, Gracie, and you know that" he said in a confident tone as if he had never been so sure of anything before.

„Maybe I showed somebody else" I provoked him. „Who? I'm going to kick his ass" he said and started to get angry. „James" I said a random name and left the terrace, leaving there a confused Rafe.

I never slept with a boy but why should he know that, this is my business, not his.