fear love¹ | rafe cameron

twenty-one

With my head leaning against the window, I watched the individual raindrops as they ran one by one down the window of the car. Some a little faster and some a little slower. Some connected and developed into an even larger raindrop.

Every single drop is a moment, be it beautiful or bad moments, good or bad people. But every single drop eventually reaches the end of the window, some faster, some slower, and that's just how it is in real life. At some point, every moment has an end and life goes on.

A feeling of goosebumps covering my entire body and a feeling of coldness on my thigh snapped me out of my train of thought, and before I could watch the raindrop any further, I swiveled my gaze to Rafe and then to my thigh.

His hand was on my skin, and at first I didn't know how to act. A desire in me, after him, triggered a tingling in my belly, but I knew that this feeling could not mean anything good.

I watched his veins on the skin and the golden ring on his index finger. Without thinking, I squeezed my small hand between my thigh and his hand and connected mine to his.

I grinned sheepishly, and for a moment I forgot everything that had happened. »You want it too, am I right?« he whispered and looked over at me before turning his attention back to the traffic. »Maybe« I returned in reply, continuing to stare at the gold ring.

»Why did you say that?« I continued, and he nervously tapped the wheel.

He knew exactly what I meant because I felt him squeeze my hand tighter and when I looked at him, he tightened his jaw. »Why did you kiss Kelce?« he asked nervously, ignoring my question, looking only briefly but intensely into my eyes.

»Because you hurt me and I wanted you to feel the same« I explained and let go of his hand and looked out of the window again.

»You didn't hurt me« he said, while searching for something with his arm on the back seat. I turned around and stared at the bag with his order from Barry inside.

Suddenly he became more and more restless, he was no longer fully focused on the traffic and when he could not grab the bag, because I also did not see fit to help him, that he would now coke.

He leaned over to me a little and opened the compartment. His gaze swung between the road and the compartment.

He took out a small silver box and opened it with shaky hands. »What are these pills?« I asked him, confused. He took a few tablets from the box and without anything liquid to take the tablets, he swallowed them.

I didn't even have the chance to stop him from swallowing the pills because he was so greedy for them and swallowed them as fast as possible.

»None of your business« he answered and threw the can back into the glove compartment.

I opened the compartment and took out the box containing the pills. Inside was a description of the medication and I unfolded the small piece of paper to read what it was.

Strong tranquilizers, I read as Rafe snatched the note out of my hand and threw it out the open window of his side. »What the fuck is wrong with you?« I asked him sourly, waiting for an answer.

»What's wrong with me?« he repeated my question, tapping himself. »I haven't been able to sleep for a few days because I messed up« he started to explain, getting louder with each word. »I lost« he cleared his throat and I stared at him, feeling helpless and not knowing what to do.