fear love¹ | rafe cameron

four

The sun disappeared behind the horizon and the first stars lit up the sky. The warm air blew through my hair and I felt the sand on my feet. This time was one of my favorite moments in the whole day. Outer banks got became quieter, everyone went to bed and you could hear the crickets jumping from blade to blade in the tall grasses.

»You ready, Ms. Shoupe?« JJ asked and stood in front of me while I was still sitting in the sand. »Let's get high« I said happily and walked with him to the beach party to celebrate the start of our holidays.

»Hello chaotic people« I said to my Pogue best friends and made the handshake with everyone. They looked better after the fight on the beach with the lapdog group. I was a little bit scared what would happen this night because of the fight earlier this day, but also I was happy to have my friends around me.

I asked John B where Sarah was and he showed me that she chilled with Topper. I saw in her face that she didn't feel comfortable around him, and then she spotted me and waved me over to her and the boys. I hugged her and complimented her outfit. She looked incredible.

»So you decided to chill with us, Grace?« Kelce asked. »Keep on dreaming« I rolled my eyes and took Sarah by the hand.

»Sorry Topper but she's mine now« and I showed him the middle finger. He definitely didn't think it was funny but what should he do about it?

Argue with Sarah in front of all the people? If he did that, he would lose his reputation as the perfect, excellent boyfriend. So he let her do what she wanted. This relationship was just toxic but Sarah was scared about what would happen when she breaks up with him.

We got us some beer and went back to JJ, Kie, Pope and John B. We started drinking and played some beer-games with other Pogues, till I was a little bit drunk but I could still stand on one leg.

JJ always says and I quote: When you can stand on one leg, you didn't drink enough. Yea, well that's how JJ is thinking.

Oh god, I felt the alcohol in my blood, the weed in my whole body after I smoked on a joint from JJ and it felt great, but I needed a break. The loud music boomed in my ears and everything spun.

»You are okay?« Kie asked me with a worried face.
»Yea, but I think JJ's weed was a little to strong« I answered awkwardly.
»You need a break?«
»No No it's okay« I answered, but then I saw how Rafe went over the dunes to the beach. This could be my chance to get to know what happened last night.

»You know what, you're right. I will go to the beach for a moment« I hugged her and went to the beach, leaving a confused Kiara.

I searched for him and when I saw him sitting there I stumbled over to him. It was quite between us. He didn't say anything. We just watched the waves how they reached the beach.

I lay down next to him and looked at the clear, starry sky. I don't know what made me sit down next to him. He's an idiot, but I think it's the weed what made me sitting next to him.

He did the same and lay down next to me and propped his head on his hand. »Tell me something about you« he whispered and I smelled the weed out of his mouth.

»What does Rafe Cameron wants to know about a girl who hangs out with Pogues?« I asked him, not searching for any eye contact.

»What are you scared about?« he asked and I turned my head and looked at him confused and looked at his tense arm.

»Uhmm love and dating« I made a short break.
»I love reading about it and to think about it in my head, but love isn't real-«
»That is scaring you?« he interrupted me.
»Yeah« I said in a calm voice and let out a deep breath.

»Come on, say something stupid about the fact that love scares me« I joked and let out a small laugh.
»It would surprise you so much when I tell you that I understand you?«
»Yes« I said with a small chuckle.

»Cause the more people that you let into your life, the more they can just walk right out«.

I was shocked about his words. I never thought that he could be that type of guy who really talks with you about serious topics. I didn't know what I should answer, so I stayed still but I saw how he examined every inch of my face.

I turned to him and noticed how we got closer. At that moment, I wanted to kiss him so badly, even though I knew it would be wrong to kiss him. I outlined his lips with my fingers and bit my lip.

»We can't do this, Rafe« I whispered.
»Just one time«.

In the next moment I felt how he smashed his lips on mine and we moved our lips parallel. I opened my mouth slightly to allow his tongue to enter. It wasn't one of those careful kisses. This kiss was intense and full of passion and pain, as if he is trying to express what he was feeling. For the first time, I felt those butterflies in my stomach that Sarah told me about when she kissed John B.

I sat on his lap, in my hair was sand, but I didn't care. His hands were under my hoodie and on my back. This light physical contact kindled a fire in me.

»GRACE?« a male voice screamed my name. »I have to go« I said stuttering and walked back to the party. I was totally confused what happened right now but I couldn't stop smiling. I felt how my lips throbbed while I was trying to remove the sand from my hair and straightened my clothes.

»There you are« John B said relived and looked at me a bit confused.

»I thought you drowned. What did you do?« he asked, trying to make out what I did the last fifteen minutes. »I didn't do anything« I lied and pulled him by his hand back to the party behind the dunes. »Your hair is full of sand and you look like you just made out with someone« he said, trying to figure out what I did.
»Me? Definitely not« I fake laughed.

Only a few seconds later after we reached the rest of our group, I spotted Rafe who came out from behind the dunes. He stopped walking and searched for me, he went with his hand through his hair and took a deep breath. When he found me, I turned around and stood stiffly. John B looked at me and now he knew that I lied to him and that Rafe was the guy I made out with.

»Shit« I said to myself and ran after John B.