fear love¹ | rafe cameron

fifteen

What the fuck, I thought to myself after he had left me in the dark storage room.
I needed a few minutes to realize what had just happened.

I turned on the light in the storage room, I smoothed out my clothes and combed my hair with my fingers and when I looked normal again, I opened the door a crack to see if anyone was walking in the hallway.

When I had looked and there was no one to be seen, I slipped through the crack in the door and before letting the door fall into the lock, I pulled the ribbon and the storage room darkened. I walked towards Sarah's door and I started to get nervous. I played with the hem of my sweater, and before I went in, I walked back and forth in front of her door.

I didn't know what to say exactly because until just now I had been making out with Rafe in the Storage room until he dumped me and my head was now completely somewhere else. But I wanted to get it over, because I knew if I cleared this up with her, John B couldn't be mad at me anymore either, could he?

I've always said that I don't feel like having to constantly justify what Rafe and I have, but she was an exception. I owed her an explanation.

»Nervous?« Rafe asked me out of nowhere and leaned against the wall at the corner.

»Should I?« I asked back.

Rafe came up to me, leaned forward to my ear.

»Tie your pants« he whispered, and I felt his warm breath on my skin. I looked at my pants, and he was right, my pants were still open from earlier. I looked up at him and started blushing and felt the heat rising in my head, before he opened Sarah's door for me, he smirked.

I was now standing in her room, totally perplexed and overwhelmed with everything. But my suspicion that she was on the roof was only more confirmed when I saw the open window.

So I climbed out of the window and took a look where she was. I spotted her, lying on a blanket, listening to music and moving her foot in the tack.

Meanwhile, the first stars were visible in the sky and the rainbow faded completely.

These nights were magical.

I sat down with her and a moment later she took the headphones out of her ears and sat up straight. It was silent. No one said anything. I felt like I had a huge knot in my throat that was preventing me from talking.

»I'm sorry« I whispered, and I started getting emotional. I felt the tears forming in my eyes and finding the way down my cheeks.

»It's okay« she whispered back, and she came to me and leaned against my shoulder while the wind blew through my hair and sent a cold but pleasant shiver down my body.

»Don't say that, because it's not« I started justifying the whole situation. »I should've told you« I continued and waited for her to answer.

She was the only person who knew everything about me, she was my human diary, and I was hers.

We told each other everything, spent every evening together, sometimes we just stared at the sky for hours in silence and were happy like little children when a shooting star lit up the sky.

When helicopters flew over outer banks, and we ran out and waved like mad to the pilots in the helicopter.

It was never my plan to fall in love with Rafe, but no boy ever made me feel the way he did. So yeah, she's the only person I have to justify myself. Not John B.

»This is not your fault. It's love, Grace« Sarah said, and I had to smile.

Love. Love is so complicated to explain. I'm not sure if I'm really in love with him. We never spoke about the feeling, but for the first time I felt those butterflies in my stomach when we kissed. He found parts of me I didn't know existed, and I found love in him, I no longer believed was real. Maybe I really found love.