TO BE ALONE: a series of måneskin oneshots

a little trade off (ii) (d.d./måneskin)

amberjjazmynrose
wrote when my mental health was in a whack ass state so um tread lightly
serious tw: self harm

It had been a month since Måneskin had sold out their huge stadium performance, and from that night on, you guys went back to writing the next album.

Since the band was gaining popularity, the band was starting to get more hate. You hadn't let anyone know how badly it was getting to you.

You knew the band was loved by so many, but sometimes the convincing was harder to do. That's when you turned back to your unhealthy coping mechanisms, and everytime that you turned to one of those coping strategies, you were immediately drowning in guilt. You know how bad your habits are.

During that day's rehearsal, the band had sort of split off into groups for a while. Thomas and Vic went to go practice and tweak at their instrumentals, and Ethan, yourself and Damiano had stayed in another room to work on the lyrics.

You and the boys were cranking out lyrics at a feverish pace. The song was coming together effortlessly, and you just knew when you got Vic and Thomas' instrumentals put in along with the drums, it would be your next smash hit.

"Heyo!" Thomas called from the next room over. You heard footsteps approaching and soon enough, Thomas was in the room. "Vic and I are starving, and it's getting pretty late, how about we call in dinner?"

Damiano nodded and Ethan exchanged a glance between the both of you. "Sounds good." Ethan smiled.

"Okay, I'll go grab Vic and my phone, and we can decide what we want, yeah?"

"Sure, yeah." Damiano smiled, closing his lyrics notebook. "I reckon a break would be good about now."

He and Ethan rose to their feet and dispersed to their own location; Damiano to the bathroom and Ethan off to one of the adjacent offices, remarking about how he left his jacket in there earlier in the day.

That left you alone in the main room, patiently waiting for the band to come back.

Your heart raced in your chest. The phenomenal lyric writing session had done a good job at distracting you, but now that you were alone, everything was catching up to you.

You snapped your hair tie against your wrist, trying everything you could to distract yourself from your spiraling thoughts.

"Okay, we're back. We could do Chinese or we could just call in a pizza, or we could..." Thomas spoke, Vic in tow, his voice chorusing Damiano and Ethan all into the main room.

Thomas' voice trailed off and everything sounded like you were underwater as your thoughts continued zooming through your mind.

"I-I'm good with anything. I heard that pizza place off of ninth started delivering...um, I'll be right back." You didn't make any eye contact with any member of the band, you simply started racing down the hallway.

You threw yourself into the bathroom furthest down the hall, not bothering to close the door. You were so far away from where the rest of the band was anyways.

Your fingers scratched at your skin as your eyes frantically scanned the room for anything sharp.

You promised Damiano that you had started to curb this habit, but you simply couldn't help yourself. As you whipped open the cabinet doors, the temptation to cut festered like an itch that had yet to be scratched.

Your gaze finally landed upon a cheap plastic hand mirror. You clutched it in your palm and without thinking you smashed it hard against the sink.

Without a single care in the world, your fingers grabbed at a shard of the glass and gripped it in one hand as your other hand yanked down the fabric of your skirt.

You feverishly swiped the corner of the glass against your lower waistline, hoping that would be a place discreet enough for your upcoming performances.

Blood dripped down your leg and you took your entire skirt off, leaving your legs completely bare.

You couldn't even comprehend what you were doing anymore. Your hand was working as if it had a mind of its own.

Almost instantly, you began to add slices and cuts along the tops of your thighs and right on your hipbones. You couldn't stop yourself.

Suddenly the room was getting hot and your grip on the glass started to weaken. Something was wrong. You went too far this time, you just knew it.

You couldn't keep yourself standing; you crumbled to the ground, the glass falling onto the tile along with your body.

Meanwhile the loud thud echoed through the room and startled the group.

"(Y/N)?!" Ethan called almost immediately, standing up and starting to run down the hallway.

You heard Ethan's footsteps rapidly approaching the bathroom. You weakly parted your lips, but couldn't find the breath to respond. Your eyelids were getting heavy and it was getting increasingly difficult to keep your eyes open.

"(Y/N)!" Ethan gasped, slightly out of breath from springing into action so suddenly. He fell to his knees, his eyes looking around the room to piece together what happened.

"Holy shit." He whispered, seeing the rest of the broken mirror in the sink.

"What hap--che cazzo è successo?" Victoria froze in the doorway of the bathroom.

Ethan didn't respond, he was too focused on cradling your limp body. "Stay with us, (Y/N). Come on. Come on." He shook you and you groaned softly. There was still a little fight left.

Victoria turned around upon hearing more footsteps.

"What's going on?" Damiano asked, pushing his hair away from his forehead and eyes.

Victoria jumped completely in front of the doorway, blocking the horrific scene from Damiano's eyes.

"Dami..." She breathed heavily. "You don't want to go in there." Vic shook her head. "Seriously, Ethan and I got it, just...you don't want to see what happened--"

"What happened?!" Damiano bellowed, not holding back his strong emotions anymore.

Victoria knew she couldn't win. She took a deep breath and backed away from the door.

Damiano's eyes widened at the sight Ethan propping you up on the bathroom floor. Your eyes were just barely open and the blood from your cuts were drying to your bare thighs and the edges of your underwear.

"(Y/N). Amore." His voice cracked as he knelt to your level. "Can you hear me?"

You could somewhat hear Damiano, though you definitely could not respond. You still knew that you had to save your energy. You had to stay going.

"Please, stay with me. I'm right here. I'm right here." Damiano whipped around and looked to Thomas and Victoria in the doorway. Thomas had already sprung into action and called for help.

Tears streamed down Vic's cheeks and she brought her hand to her mouth as a sob broke past her lips. "Ethan..." She cried, leaning into Ethan's chest. "Did she try to--"

"Shh, shh, no, no, no." Ethan coaxed. "We're going to get her help."

Meanwhile, Damiano's Italian whispering became harder and harder to hear.

"Dami..." You croaked out, your voice barely above a whisper. You sounded as if you were choking.

"What?" Damiano immediately tensed up. "What is it?"

"I'm so tired." You exhaled before giving into the dizziness and warm feeling that was suffocating you.

Your eyes shut completely.