TO BE ALONE: a series of måneskin oneshots

cherished (e.t.)

This is dedicated to the ever so lovely ethanstesorina! Babe, I love you endlessly, thank you for all the support!

TW: insecurities, body comparison, sad rockstars

Ethan's eyes were bloodshot, having been strained against his bright phone screen in the pitch dark for hours.

His eyes studied the Instagram comments of his bandmates', specifically Damiano's. It was no secret that Damiano was the 'eye candy' of the group, hell, they even wrote it into the bridge of MAMMAMIA.

However, it had been starting to bother Ethan recently. Seeing everyone praise Damiano for his good looks, his chiseled physique and his sensual gazes to the audience. The feeling was nothing against Damiano, but Ethan had been wondering what he could do to start to get that kind of admiration from fans.

He didn't know where these feelings were stemming from, but they were strong. He wanted to be adored.

Ethan hadn't told you about these feelings, fearing it would burden you. He was worried you'd beat yourself up over it, thinking that this was all your fault, like you hadn't shown him enough love.

In Ethan's eyes, it was the complete opposite. You were the one person in his life that loved him for him. You loved his body, his hair, his personality. You loved his secrets and the times where his English is less than stellar. You loved every inch of him, and Ethan felt that -- he didn't want to make you believe that he didn't.

You had been asleep for a while now, having retired to bed much earlier than Ethan, due to a headache that had been lingering all day.

You shifted around in your sleep, instinctively feeling around for Ethan's embrace. You jolted awake when you realized that his side of the bed was empty.

You frowned, pushing yourself up and padding out to the apartment. "Ethan?" You squinted, seeing the light from his cellphone. You came up behind him and wrapped your arms around him. "Bambino, what are you doing up?"

Ethan grabbed your hand and let out a sigh, partially because you had frightened him, and partially because he was glad to see you. You always grounded him when he was feeling his worst.

Ethan kissed your knuckles and tilted his head back to look at you. "Nothin', just couldn't sleep."

He stood up from his chair and wrapped you in a tight hug. "Feeling any better?"

You smiled. "Much."

Ethan kissed your head. "Good. Let's get to sleep, okay?"

You nodded, going back to your bedroom with Ethan. Once under the covers, Ethan wrapped you up in his arms.

"(Y/N)?" He muttered, nearly asleep already.

"Yeah, baby?"

Ethan sighed, shifting his weight around. Could he tell you? His heart was begging him to, but his mind was telling him that it was a bad idea.

"Nevermind."

"No." You frowned. "What is it?" You cupped his cheeks.

Ethan shook his head, kissing all over your face. "Don't worry about it, we can talk in the morning, okay?"

"Okay. I love you."

"I love you more."

That night, you held Ethan just a little bit tighter.

~~~~~

You woke up to the sound of the bathroom sink running in the en suite. You scratched your eyes and trudged into the bathroom, wrapping your arms around Ethan's waist as he leaned into the mirror to shave.

"Baby?" You asked, pressing your cheek against his back. His skin was still warm from his shower. "Do you wanna talk about what happened last night?"

Ethan took in a deep breath and set his razor down. He had to be honest with you right here, right now. "Will you be honest with me?"

You frowned slightly. "Of course I will, baby. What's wrong?" You rubbed his arm as he spun around to face you.

Ethan looked down, fiddling with his fingers. You grabbed his hands, letting him feel your palms against his to release his anxiety.

"Do you think I make a good rockstar?" He asked sheepishly.

"Ethan!" You gasped. "Of course you make a good rockstar! You are the most talented musician I have ever laid eyes on, and--"

"No, no, not like that." He muttered, dropping your hands and pulling on a shirt. "I mean looks, aesthetic...I mean sex appeal."

Your entire body softened. "Sweetheart, where's this coming from?" You asked, following him to your bedroom, where Ethan promptly flopped down onto the couch.

"It's just..." Ethan started. "Everyone is all over Damiano all the time. You know? He is the quintessential rockstar. I'm-I'm not jealous or anything, but that makes me feel inferior, you know?" Ethan anxiously admitted.

This absolutely broke your heart. How could Ethan not see how wonderful he was as a person, as a boyfriend, and as a musician?

You sat by Ethan and rubbed his back, leaning your head onto his shoulder. After moments of silence, you spoke up. "Not only do I think you are very sexy."

You stopped to giggle, remembering a few choice times Ethan had brought you to his dressing room when he was especially nervous.

You continued, feeling a small chuckle rise from Ethan as well. "But I also think you are also the quintessential rockstar." You kissed his cheek. "Baby, you're perfect. And sure, Damiano has eyes on him because he's the frontman, but who keeps that band on it's feet? Who makes sure everyone is well fed and hydrated before gigs? Who ensures that everything is where it is supposed to be? You are so valued and cherished, not only by me, but by the whole band, and all those crazy fans."

Ethan grabbed your hand. "Thank you, (Y/N). I love you."

You smiled. "I love you too."

Without much consideration, you trailed your fingers down to the hem of Ethan's band tee.

"Since we have all day to ourselves..." You started with another cute giggle. "Can I show you just how much I cherish you?"

Ethan's cheeks flushed a deep crimson as a smile broke onto his lips. "Come here." He giggled, stripping off his shirt and pulling you into a passionate kiss.

~~~~~

WORD COUNT
1024