TO BE ALONE: a series of måneskin oneshots

water bottle (e.t.)

Roll call >>

Ethan kissed your forehead softly as he rolled over to his side. You both took a few silent moments to just admire each other. It had been a quiet night around the house, something you were externally grateful for. Your world was moving incredibly quickly recently.

"It astounds me." You exhaled loudly, but your sentence trailed off. You were looking at nothing in particular.

Ethan laid in front of you, his thumb rubbing across your cheek. He had been doing the same back and forth motion for so long that you wondered if it was possible that his fingerprints could smear and stain your face.

"What astounds you?" Ethan asked, his voice low and slow.

You took in a shallow breath, shifting your weight so your body slinked down the covers. Your entire chest was covered by the bedding, now.

"You can smoke, drink and fuck around all you want, and just get onstage the next night like nothing ever happened." You remarked, scoffing.

Ethan mimicked your scoff. "Why's that astounding? Sex, drugs, and rock 'n roll, baby." He giggled.

You took in a shuddered breath as he muttered the classic line. "Ethan, I meant to say that it's astounding that it's taken me this long to--"

Ethan kissed you roughly, cutting you off. You wondered if he knew where you were headed with this.

"Ethan, I'm worried about you." You placed your hand on his bare chest and pushed him off of you.

"What?" He snipped.

You shook your head, pulling yourself completely out of bed to a standing position. Your eyes scanned the room for your clothes, and you grabbed Ethan's flannel at first glance. Just anything to cover yourself. You sat on the edge of the bed, facing the wall.

"You're starting to..." Your breaths started to become heavy again, but not for any good reason. "You're starting to act like my father did."

Ethan's eyes widened at this, and he scrambled to sit up and come to your side. "Oh, (Y/N), this is about what happened a few days ago, hmm?" He gingerly touched your shoulder.

You were awake an hour earlier than you typically were, since you had to get a lot of tasks around the house done that day before going into work.

Ethan, of course, was already out of bed. You guessed that he had been up for a while by this point since the mattress had started to spring back to its usual position, beginning to neglect the indent and creases left by Ethan's body.

With a stretch of your arms and a deep exhale, you rolled out of bed and padded down the hallway. You shivered slightly as the morning air was still cold and the humidity of the day had yet to set in.

You heard rustling from the kitchen and assumed that Ethan was there. You turned down the hallway to the kitchen.

"Good morning, Love! Did you sleep--" You froze immediately when you began to register what you were witnessing.

Ethan froze as well, his hand still gripping at the vodka bottle.

You cleared your throat. "What the fuck is going on?" You hoped and prayed that this wasn't what it looked like!

Ethan sighed, finishing pouring straight vodka into his empty bottle of water. He set the larger glass down and capped it off, returning it to the liquor cabinet without a word.

Your heart began to race, he was acting like your father. Ethan knew about your past, your childhood and teenage years spent with your alcoholic father.

Your father never got particularly rude or violent when he drank; he just shut down and shut up. He became quiet and distant at the hands of a liquor bottle, leaving you - the eldest - to essentially raise your younger brother.

Ethan capped off the plastic water bottle of alcohol and took it into his palm. "I'm off to rehearsal. Leo wanted us there early to talk some social media stuff with the group." He spoke as if nothing had happened.

You remained staring at where he had been standing at the kitchen counter, completely and utterly dumbfounded by the situation.

"Love you." He swooped in and kissed your cheek before he left like he always did.

"Love you too." You spoke, still frozen and confused as you were the minute you walked into the kitchen.

You bit hard down on your lip, nodding. "How often do you do it?" You asked, your voice crackling.

Ethan took in a stiff inhale. "It's been getting a lot harder to...not do it." He cleared his throat.

You shook your head, letting it hang. You couldn't understand why he didn't just try to talk to you before it got this bad.

"The rehearsal days are getting longer, (Y/N), and I get so anxious..." Ethan's voice cracked as his eyes filled with tears.

"Baby..." You coaxed, worries set aside. He didn't need a lecture or to hear how worried you were, he needed your comfort. You rubbed his back as a broken sob passed his lips.

"I'm so sorry." Ethan exhaled, his breaths wet as he cried.

"No, no, no, don't apologize, don't apologize." You cradled him into your arms. "I just wish you would just talk to me, E, instead of turning right to something to dull it."

Ethan nodded softly. "I know. I'm going to try to get this figured out."

You nodded too, kissing the top of his head. "Have you had any to drink today?"

"No."

You smiled a soft smile. "That's good. I'm proud of you. And rehearsal went okay?"

"Yeah, great, actually." Ethan's body trembled softly; you pulled him closer.

"That's good to hear."

Ethan raised his head from his shoulder and turned to look up at you. "I feel so out of control sometimes." He admitted. "When I get so anxious like that, I just don't know how to handle myself. I'll do anything to feel any sense of stability."

Your eyes traveled from Ethan's to his trusty pack of cigarettes on the bedside table. Ethan immediately noticed this and, using a single finger, he turned your chin back so that you were looking him in the eye once more.

"But I'm working on it, okay?" His eyes weren't tearful anymore but residue from tears he had just been crying remained on his cheeks. You wiped it away with the pad of your thumb and kissed his face.

"And I'll be right alongside you the whole way."

~~~~~

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1089